Be good!

 

Everyone is leaving!

 An excerpt from the book of Teresia Bosco, on the life and works of Don Bosco... 

As I heard the following passage, I was struck by the first sentence itself! 

Can't you see that everyone is leaving us?

As soon as the work of the Congregation began, the external difficulties ceased and the internal ones began! 

I remember that once, seeing that many people were leaving, I took the liberty of saying to Don Bosco: "Don't you see that everyone is leaving us?" He replied: "God does not need anyone. It is we, his poor creatures, who must be grateful to him because he has called us! If we do not, God will call others, who will listen better to his voice. You will see how the Lord will provide to fill the vacancies! Look, I remember that when at the beginning of the Oratory I was abandoned by everyone, God showed me the church, the house, the clerics, the priests... People would ask me: "Where are they?". And I answered: "They are not there yet, but I can see them.  If you have patience, you too will see all these thing!" I asked: "But what kind of habit would these clerics and priests have?" He replied: "They must have the habit of virtue."  This answer convinced them that he was mad.  But in the meantime, came the Oratory, the church, the porticos, the clerics and the priests.  Then he said: "Don't doubt: we will overcome this difficulty too."

To BE rather than BECOME

Most of the disciples of Christ choose to be with Jesus, not become apostles or own possessions.  They chose Jesus, because they were enamoured by who he was, what he did and how he went about living his life. They chose to BE with him, rather than BECOME someone or something. 

Michael Rua and John Cagliero decided to stay with Don Bosco, not because they wanted to be his successors or bishops or leaders of the Salesian congregation.  They merely felt at home with Don Bosco and wanted to BE like him.  They had no personal agenda, rather they aligned their own aspirations with that of Don Bosco.  

Good to pay attention to this! These individuals who made an impact on the world, chose to BE with their models. Those who decided to stay with the models in order to become something, became politicians or businessmen, not leaders, not models themselves - at least not for the better! 

Maximilian Kolbe

 Today we commemorate the feast of Maximilian Kolbe, the saint of the holocaust who offered his life in exchange for that of his fellow prisoner.  

What drives home for me on this day, as I recall his heroic act of sacrifice, is what I remember telling my students years ago:  Dying for Christ is rather easy; what isn't is living like Christians!  

Speaking during a lesson in Anthropology, in the section on human emotions and habits, I recall making this point very emphatically to the students (not that I prepared for it; it was very very extemporary). The Church did not make Kolbe a saint purely because he, at that crucial point of time, offered himself as a substitute to the fellow prisoner.  It is because the Church and we recognise that he could act so, because he was used to it.  Making a choice for the good of the others, placing the other before oneself, being selfless were virtues ALREADY practised and lived by this man.  The act in that prison, was not an on the spur reaction, without thought and preparation. Of course, none immediately.  But certainly he had made placing the other before oneself, a habit; not a once in a way act.  

Maximilian Kolbe could die for his companion (and God) because he LIVED for God and his people!  He didn't have to make a big sacrifice at that point of time; because he had consistently and consciously made such decisions and choices, for long, until that time! 

Most people think that he died of starvation and thirst in the prison; he didn't. He, along with three others (out of the 10) isolated and starved, as a deterrent for the other prisoners to try to escape the prison, survived even after two weeks.  And since the Nazi guards wanted to end this 'lesson' quick and for need of space, decided to end the episode by injecting the lethal injection of carbolic acid.  And so it was that after being deprived of food and water for two weeks, he was administered the carbolic acid injection! 

Being good

Being good by virtue of one's merit is one way of being good.  Another way, though not the best, is to ensure that one is better than the others.  That way one 'automatically' becomes good - when in comparison to others.  Another way: in order to appear good, make sure the others around appear bad! 

The Gospel of the day, wherein we read the prayer of the Pharisee and the Publican, we hear of another way of being good:  making our best effort and asking God to help us be good.  The Publican does that and is appreciated.  The Pharisee too is being good but at the cost of making others appear bad! The difference could as well be between appearance and being. 

However, cannot really blame the Pharisee.  He was actually keeping all the laws that he was taught and all the religious practices that he was indoctrinated with.  So in that sense taking pride in doing what is told and from centuries has been practiced and handed down cannot be negated outright.  The downfall however is in putting down the Publican.  Being good oneself does not require a quantitative measurement of the others goodness - unless one only wishes to appear good, among others.  

Growing up

Came across a new children's book gathering attention.  It is by Charlie Mackesy who actually began to put up he sketches on instagram.  Liked the following picture... and the message:

Photo taken of The Times (Oct. 17, 2019).  Inset photo of Charlie Mackesy

Gratitude

Thinking about thankfulness and gratitude, the theme of the Gospel tomorrow, where Jesus cures the ten lepers and only one returns to thank him, I remembered reading an article recently about how gratitude adds value to life. 

However, even at the end of the article, I still did not see what different or 'scientific' was the whole argument about.  It was like stating what we already know - or is it?  The article (found on Aeon) basically argued for gratitude to be the simplest way to lead a life of well-being, primarily also because gratitude leads one to grow in other virtues. 

NJlifehacks

I think there is basically - more in India than here in the West - a sense of entitlement.  That one is entitled to what one receives;  and for what one is entitled to one need not go about being grateful to others, certainly not to the ones 'below' us! And for those we pay, they are not doing us a favour.  They are getting paid for it, so why 'thank' them?  But the whole notion of gratitude is not about justice or balance.  It is not as if to set right the equation, that one thanks.  Basically gratitude is an attitude, not a means we use to level off trade or equations.  And the best thing about gratitude: there are no adverse side-effects, only further advantages! 

Cicero did have a point when he stated:

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, it is the parent of all others.

Building on the existing good

The Parish celebrated the feast of Don Bosco today. During the Mass the parish priest spoke of the life of Don Bosco. When he spoke of Don Bosco first meeting with Barthalomeo Garelli, it struck me that Don Bosco started with what was good in the boys.  The only thing Garelli could do was whistle - Don Bosco is happy with that for the first meeting!  He slowly builds on that rather than straight away infuse in them some of those virtues or qualities that he thinks they ought to have.  The starting point is not the intention of the educator or the formator but the existing good or virtue in the beneficiary.

Seeing this from my perspective as a formator, I was wondering how justified am I in demanding a level of intellectual calibre in the formees.  Whatever and however great and noble my intentions and motivations, if I do not start from what the students are already good at, then I will be riding against the tide all the time.  The student will see himself facing an insurmountable task without seeing the qualities he already has as an investment.  Now that's a challenge for the formator, especially if the number is large and the pupil of diverse backgrounds.  To understand each individual, find out his or her strength and then help them use them as a launching pad, is indeed a tall order.  But if I have a personal rapport with each of them, then helping them in their intellectual struggle will be easy.  On the other hand, judging them on the basis of their intellectual standard alone will be my short coming as a formator.  

Daily commitment

No honourable feat is the result of a single spontaneous instant decision. It precedes many such small decisions for that one great act to appear spontaneous.  So is a grave mistake or mortal sin.  No one makes such a sin, without previously indulging oneself in petty mistakes and compromises, which eventually lead one to the 'big error'.

So how to achieve great merit or virtue?  Or how to avoid landing in the 'big error' or 'grave danger'? Mind the small, daily decisions and acts.  What you decide at each relaxed, calm and serene moment is what you will eventually decide later when under duress or strain.

Make hay while the sun shines!

Learning from St Francis de Sales

Today we commemorate the feast of St Francis de Sales.  Besides being the founder of the MSFS, he is venerated as the patron of the Salesians of Don Bosco.

Stained glass arcade of St Francis de Sales at Saint Paul Catholic Church (Westerville, Ohio)

When Don Bosco founded his congregation for the youth at risk, his natural choice of St Francis de Sales was not an impromptu decision.  It was out of a personal and historical resonance with the Saint that made Don Bosco propose St Francis de Sales as the patron.  Of all the virtues of St Francis, what attracted Don Bosco and something which moulded his own life, was the virtue of self-discipline.  St Francis is renowned for his gentleness and meekness. However, he was not 'born' with those virtues.  He had to strive to excel in them.  Don Bosco was much worse.  He was short-tempered, rebellious, hard-headed and as stubborn as a mule.  Don Bosco himself acknowledges these vices in his life.  And with this baggage he could not have done much for the kids to whom he was keen to reach out to.  For they too were of similar character!  Don Bosco then makes the difficult choice: to change himself in order to be useful to the boys whom he loved most. In this arduous task of working on oneself, he chose St Francis de Sales.  Though, honestly speaking, he did not have as much a success as did St Francis, but there was considerable change.

Preventing theft vs Preventing becoming robbers

After two grueling days of doing all sorts of things and thoughts and loosing my peace of mind, and sleep and even temper over the growing tendency of theft and thieving by the boys, among themselves, tonight's goodnight was the climax.  Not that it is now over! It is just a beginning but a collective effort now.  Not individuals working for different purposes and ends but collectively arriving at a decision to curb theft.

While I had a discussion with all the boys (all 110 of them) and most of the caretakers, I kept saying to myself that the goal is not merely to prevent theft or robbery, but to help boys stay clear from becoming robbers!  As the instances of theft having been rising, I also realised that the 'new' thieves caught were once victims.  They now felt forced to 'join the gangs' or wanted to take revenge!  Therefore I was keen on forming character than merely preventing some random acts.

The easiest solution would be to lock it all up and intensify the scrutiny and "policing" but that's only a prevention of an act not the formation of character.  My focus therefore was on appealing to the conscience while ensuring that certain procedures and policies are in place.

The arrogant vs the polite

Two men crossing a narrow stairway and both of them could not walk through at the same time.  One had to make way for the other.  For some moments, they stared at each other, neither wishing to give way.  Then the first man said, "Get out of my way, let me pass." "I was about to ask you the same thing," the second replied politely.  "Nonsense," replied the first arrogantly. "I never make way for a fool." "I do," answered the second, moving to let the other pass. 

Peace

Peace, is often mistaken for absence of war and turmoil.  That's as good as saying there is silence in the graveyard. Peace actually comes when there is truth, justice and love.  It does not wipe away differences, or anxieties or troubles.  In fact, they abound... but the difference is that there is a certain balance and harmony in it all.  Even if there is chaos, there is growth and peace.

However, when there is no worthwhile value existing and everything is 'silent', that kind of peace is what cowards and fools crave for.  Without truth, justice and love, no peace is ever possible!

Reconsidering our Primary choice

Among the many things I come to realize every once a while, here's something that is dawning on me lately. Perhaps I might have learnt of this in other forms earlier!

Sometimes we formators and more so students (formees) carry along with us - and thereby live accordingly - a notion that doing all things right makes one a good religious, a good Salesian.  Or even if one or two things are done excellently well, the rest can be give a go-by.  But certainly don't find myself agreeing to that.  To be an artist one does not have to be a Salesian but to be a Salesian you've got to be more than a mere artist.  To be a good basketball player one surely does not need to join the Salesian congregation - much less, continue as one! But to be a Salesian, playing basketball alone, however good one might, does not suffice.  I remember well now, something from the movie Patch Adams:

To be a doctor does not merely mean delaying death, but improving the quality of life. 

So I'm asking myself, what if someone is an expert in something and something only, but lacks the other, higher, better purposes in life or more especially, is not even willing to strive to see the possibility of the existence of such higher purposes...leave alone work towards them?  Frankly, he needs to reconsider his choice of being a Salesian! 

Courage, the twin of humility

My 'goodnight' thought for the night was the following:
Courage does not come as a ready-made package or grace from God.  Rather God provides us with opportunities to become courageous. One of the plagues of Salesian community life is precisely this: lack of courage.  Lack of courage of confreres to be able to call a spade a spade.  This plague infects early on in years of initial formation.  It is mostly for fear for what if the other turns back, at some other time and points out to me some drawback of mine?  So rather than risk that 'payback time', let it go!  We conveniently compromise!

What is required is courage: to be able to stand and say the truth.  It is something required of both - the one who is offering the observation and the one receiving it!  That's precisely because courage is the twin brother of humility.  Only when I am humble enough to know or receive corrections will I have the courage to make observations or corrections. 

Grace vs Freedom/Wisdom

I've heard many a preacher state that God gives us the grace! It is not our choice to get one. It is solely God's gratuitous gift. Well, I'm not talking about the puritanic bent of this concept but the usual and the normal "balanced" perception of 'grace'.

Frankly, I try hard to recollect my theology classes on 'grace' but am yet to succeed!  However, I have a slightly different take on this idea.  I really don't think, God gives me graces! No, not ready-made packages of virtues or gifts.  Certainly not my God!  I believe and love my God who in turn gives me not such gifts but rather gives me the possibility of receiving such graces.... the ability to understand the grace and the skill to cherish it.  In short, He gifts me with freedom to make my own choices... with knowledge to sift the choices and the loving support to cherish the choices I make and the wisdom to know the wrong choices I make.

Mixing up charity and pity

Several people in formation line mix up charity with pity. Of late we on the staff in the Seminary have been taking a lot of flak for having asked half a dozen of our students to discontinue at the end of last year.  We had our valid and genuine reasons for doing so.  Yet very many seem to see this as unfair to them.  (Thankfully, no one is saying that we have been partial!).

I believe charity is when we have a sustained follow up of the student and help him in all possible fields to do what is right and good, and in the best manner possible; and then, after all this, if we still find that he will not be able to take on the role of a leader, of an animator, of a good shepherd, then in all honesty and goodwill we tell the person to discontinue.  That is charity... to him, to ourselves and to the Church.

Pity, on the other hand, is when someone who has not done any bit of help all along, but then comes up and says that the person should be given another chance. Has he done anything all along the year to help the individual?  No!  Pity, in this sense, is born of an illusory sense of well being of oneself in comparison to another, who happens to be in tears for all the choices he has made all along, in which I took no part,  not even took notice of.

Mixing these two is a very dangerous and foolish gamble!

Detachment is the key

The readings of the day (from Sirach and Mark) speak of repentance (return to him) and charity (go sell all you have). I was wondering what could be the connection between the two values.  What does  repenting from my sins and selling all I possess have in common?  During meditation it struck me that the common denominator here is detachment.  I need to detach myself from all my sins as well as all that keeps me bound.  As long I am detached from anything that binds me, I'm fine.  Anything that binds me, my sins, my attachments to wealth, even clinging to virtues and goodness, is evil.  For all this keeps me away from the one thing that liberates me... the truth.  So long as I tread the path of righteousness and not get stuck with the good that I come across, so long do my chances of meeting the best are alive.  When I'm stuck (whether to evil or goodness), I'm not going to graduate to the Best!  

Virtue, wisdom and courage

The day in the presence of Fr Maria Arokiam was very interesting and enriching. One of the many things he offered for reflection was the goodnight thought based on three virtues of a leader or superior: Virtuous, Wise and Bold.

Virtue, of course, is a good habit. It has to be both, good as well as a habit. Occasional acts of charity cannot make anyone virtuous unless repeated enough number of times, so as to make it a habit.

Fr Maria Arokiam defined wisdom as loving intelligence. That was quite a summary of wisdom. Intelligence alone can be dangerous (even a crook can be very intelligent). Love alone may lead one to foolishness. It is in the right balance of the two that wisdom is to be found.

Bold is of course, the courage to tell clearly and distinctly that something is wrong when it is wrong and appreciate something when it is right. It is based on integrity of life and moral standing. Of course, where there is boldness, there is no room for fear.

Relationship gamble

Speaking of convictions and choices that people make in life, especially religious and Priestly life, I was told that our whole gamut of relationships now depend on exactly this. My students back in Kondadaba, in more than one way, tell me (subtly) that what ultimately matters when back in the diocese is affiliations... to which group do I belong to. To stand alone is to be crushed and cursed. It is difficult for me to see the point. Yet I understand that their main problem is not which group to belong to or affiliate themselves to but their lack of inner depth which will help them take a stand and stick to it, come what may, say what anyone may.

The wrong kind of people hate you for good in you, and right kind of people love you after knowing even the bad in you. That makes a perfect definition for relationship.