Insanity

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results!

 This quote is often attributed to Albert Einstein.  Whoever may be the actual one who first decided to define insanity in such terms, is to be appreciated. 

Translating the word 'insanity' into the local telugu language sounds more powerful and apt! And there are quite a few Salesians who excel in this art of insanity.  But what qualifies some of us, more as perfectly insane is the stubbornness with which we justify doing the same.  Not even are we open to considering alternatives or possibilities or even an evaluation of the same. 

If Einstein were to have known some of these typical Salesians he would certainly have added another like to the same definition of insanity: Doling out money over and over again, without as much as a plan or effort, and expecting miracles to happen... that's a higher stage of insanity! 

Differentiating output, outcome and impact

Attending the workshop on understanding social impact management, I found myself at a loss and some topics going over my head.  Nonetheless I did grasp most of the points about project writing and related matters. Although the last session of the impact management on evaluation and stuff was too nuanced for me to understand. 

However, what surprised me was the availability of resources and methods of conceptualising and articulating a project proposal.  Among the participants, I may have been the only guy who was not from the Planning and developmental (PDO) works sector... although ironically  I'm supposed to be the director of our Province PDO. So quite a bit of it was new for me.  But looking around, I was surprised to see that there were others too who appeared to be hearing these things for the first time. 

One of my learning has been the distinction between output, outcome and impact, especially in the social work area. 

Although at several moments of the workshop I found myself deciding that I should delve more into this, I resisted the temptation. With my plate full and overflowing, I need to first get my act straight before taking up new hobbies! 

Planning criteria

Although I have decided not to talk about our SEPP (annual plan) and its process, nonetheless, I found the criteria stated in the Frame of Reference for the evaluation of the same something very meaningful. We are good at making plans - however, haphazard and useless they are.  But what we never dare to do is evaluate.  Perhaps it is linked with our planning itself. Primarily because they can never be evaluated!! 

Nonetheless, here are three criteria: 

1. Is the plan centred on the young, especially the poor?
2. Is it communitarian in nature, involving all the stakeholders? In other words, is the mission owned up, the responsibility shared? 
3. Is the plan relevant to reality? 

More than points for evaluation of a plan already in place, I feel these are good signposts to gauge the quality of our plan, prior to implementation itself. 

Judging the past

How justified are we when we pass a judgment on those before us, by standards of today?  Not really I think.

Say for example, we often hear people decry that women in the past had no share in the property of the father/parents.  And therefore, how unjust was the father?  Well, was he?  It was just the way it was then.  The whole concept of equal share of property to all the children is a modern concept.  How can that be applied retrospect to evaluate something of the past?

Are our teachers gullible of offering an education, based on an obsolete model?
Was the West right in colonizing rest of the world?
Was the Church right in condemning the scientific discoveries in the Middle ages?

Another factor to be kept in mind: What we do and say today will surely stand to scrutiny tomorrow.  Perhaps the next generation would be more critical of our 'liberal' thoughts, policies and actions, than we are of our predecessors.

Deliberations...

This afternoon, we sat to do the evaluation of our clerics in the community - a formality aimed at their growth, at the community level.  As we started I was surprised to see the same evaluation format which was discarded last year, in favour of the one that I had proposed to the Province.  During my last days in Karunapuram I had proposed reviving an old format (with some modifications) and also supported my opinion with proofs and valid documents.  So convinced were all those formators of the Province that they included this as the first and most important point from the formation team to the Province leaders meet.  I also remember being invited to speak to the Rectors of the Province about this point - something I declined stating that it was the responsibility of the one incharge of formation.  I had made available the new format, the procedural change I personally envisioned and the necessary reasons for making this shift.

Today my Rector recalled that it was all spoken of during the meeting... but why then were we still using the old version?  No decision was taken!! There was half a day of discussion, an agreement of most of the members attending the meeting but finally no one said or deliberated anything. So the old remains!  Great!

Reconsidering our Primary choice

Among the many things I come to realize every once a while, here's something that is dawning on me lately. Perhaps I might have learnt of this in other forms earlier!

Sometimes we formators and more so students (formees) carry along with us - and thereby live accordingly - a notion that doing all things right makes one a good religious, a good Salesian.  Or even if one or two things are done excellently well, the rest can be give a go-by.  But certainly don't find myself agreeing to that.  To be an artist one does not have to be a Salesian but to be a Salesian you've got to be more than a mere artist.  To be a good basketball player one surely does not need to join the Salesian congregation - much less, continue as one! But to be a Salesian, playing basketball alone, however good one might, does not suffice.  I remember well now, something from the movie Patch Adams:

To be a doctor does not merely mean delaying death, but improving the quality of life. 

So I'm asking myself, what if someone is an expert in something and something only, but lacks the other, higher, better purposes in life or more especially, is not even willing to strive to see the possibility of the existence of such higher purposes...leave alone work towards them?  Frankly, he needs to reconsider his choice of being a Salesian! 

Defining spirituality

We concluded the evaluation of the Brothers today. Of the main five sectors that we based our remarks on, the one dealing with the spiritual dimension was a bit tricky.  Well one might wonder what's so difficult about spiritual dimension for those who intend to become priests?  That's exactly the difficulty. So sometime right in the beginning we agreed that in that section we would not limit ourselves to merely talking or evaluating the practices of piety or punctuality for Mass and capability of reciting prayers and singing.  I, for one, extended (or say, defined) spirituality to mean integrity, a sense of balance and constancy in life as a whole, not just in and around the Church and prayer.

While practices of piety and prayers are part of spirituality, to restrict the latter to the former is absurd...  though very many do that and fail to see the larger picture. But I was glad we collectively agreed upon this wider picture of spirituality.  So we repeatedly asked ourselves, 'How is this person in his overall outlook towards life and relationships? Is he balanced?  Does he live a rather steady and coherent life?  Is there a basic sense of integrity and communion in the various aspects of his heart, mind, body, spirit and attitude?  

Skeletons??

Why are we so hesitant to be scrutinized for our structures, functions, dealings and even our own selves  either by an external or internal forum?  When done by and for a sincere purpose, and most importantly when I'm clean and clear, why fear?  I only stand to gain by the whole process, nothing to lose ... only gain!

Skeletons in the cupboard?  

Evaluation

We, the Council members of the Seminary, have been sitting for the evaluation of the Brothers for the past five days.  To follow a certain format, we would list some of the positive aspects of the Brother under discussion and then offer some points for improvement.  (Of course, this is not in the presence of the Brother; the points listed would later be communicated to the concerned individual before sending it to their respective authorities.)

At times, we would not have anything to say about a particular Brother.  It is just that we have nothing! It made me feel ashamed because, I certainly had a long list of things that I want him to improve but after five months of living together I had not observed anything positive in him.

Another thing that kept tugging at my heart was that most often we were evaluating or judging a particular student from their academic performance.  While I do have to say that this phase of formation is geared towards intellectual formation, I still felt hesitant to believe that academic performance was perhaps the most or the only success indicator.  

To see and acknowledge

As I sat for meditation this morning, I was trying to see what it is that I gained most this academic year. Like every year so far, it has been a roller coaster ride. Every year end finds me in amazement of myself. I can hardly believe that I managed to do all that I did! Anyway, let the donkey praise its own tail...

One thing that struck me during Mass and thereafter too is that most often we, including myself, fail on several counts. However what makes us real failures is the stubborness to NOT see where we go wrong. We either refuse to evaluate or worse, even acknowledge that it requires a relook. Perhaps if I were to see, acknowledge and transform those not-so-positive aspects, I'd be a better person.

Evaluating myself

For the past few days I've been wondering about something... especially in the light of the conclusion of the year that was. It's more about myself and the style with which I went about in the Seminary. An introspection is always helpful.

The Brothers always see no fault of theirs... their fingers are eternally pointed out to the staff (not even to their own companions). How different am I in this respect? In my zeal to emphasize the good or ideal am I always putting down the Brothers and establishing myself as the only upright figure? Am I always harping on their faults while turning a blind eye to my own mistakes?

Seasoning love with firmness

We have reached the fag end of the academic year and I know very well that quite a few of the Brothers have a lot of grudge against me for being 'cruel' and 'strict' with them. However, none can accuse me of being partial or having favoured some above the rest. So in that sense, most of them feel I have been quite hard on them. And indeed I have been!

This evening as I spent the adoration thanking the Lord for all that He has done for me, I asked him how did He manage the vast majority of people whom He encountered during his life time here on earth? Especially those who detested the very sight of him? I 'know' that He loved them too. But surely He did not expect to change everyone with his 'love' knowing too well that He would not be around for eternity, waiting for love to change the hearts of people. He just had three years of public life ... and yet He loved!

Perhaps His primary force was love but expressed in different forms: a stern look at Peter in Gethsamene, a smile to a mob victim, silent presence with a sinner, the crack of a whip in the 'market' temple, an extended hand to a paralytic, a gentle touch to the leper... So I ask myself, have I really loved the Brothers or have I only been a task master, exacting from them their best just for the sake of it, duty for duty sake?

Community assembly and catharsis

We just concluded the house assembly, meant for the evaluation of the first semester. It was great... not the content of it but the challenge part of it. The content was as ever: staff-bashing! But this time, I'm happy that most of the challenges we posed back to the students were sharp, precise and challenging enough to those really serious about their vocation. I know that it would be hard for them to digest what happened this whole evening. But if they are sincere about their call, they would give it a thought. Or else tomorrow would be just another day, with the same story.

A few good points of the proceedings of this evening:

• The Staff put up a united front.
• There was no meek receptivity of everything said and done - both of the part of the students and on the part of the staff, especially with regard to matters expressed.
• Some sincere guys feel good that what they 'feel' is explicitly stated by someone at least.
• I got a chance to explicitate some of my deepest concerns regarding putting forward the best.