Playing the victim

 I'm beginning to see that very many times, quite a few of us, prefer to wallow in pity and continue playing the victim, rather than get ourselves out of that situation and move on.  We'd prefer to keep the wounds fresh and painful, rather than get them healed. 

I guess it is a kind of adrenaline that keeps us going.  Perhaps because we are frightened that there'd be nothing else that will keep us active.  Or perhaps that there are other deeper and more serious wounds that these external wounds camouflage.  Or it could be that we just do not want to move on.  

Not sure if that's called maturity! But it certainly has much to do with it.  

To ask or take up help when offered (from competent and capable people); rather than act strong.

To accept, acknowledge that not everything is known to me; apparently, about myself! 

To get out of one's comfort zones... places, people, thoughts, words, discussions, ambience... that make me feel I'm ok, what I've said and done is right, without actually giving myself another re-look.  

Asking myself: what am I really afraid of? 

Admission and denial

During the last lap of Jesus' journey on earth there are two people, both among his closest group, who deny him.  There is Judas who innocently asks, "Surely, not I Lord?" during the Last Supper to Jesus' statement of one betraying him.  Then there is Peter who denies Jesus thrice - after vehemently affirming his loyalty to Jesus.  At least Peter did not deny Jesus on his face. 

However, both repent.  Judas feels sorry and approaching the Jews, returns the 30 pieces of silver, in exchange for Jesus.  Peter repents and weeps bitterly. Both realise that what they did was not in conformity to what Jesus would have wanted them to do.  Both try to make amends.  The only difference is that Peter felt strong enough to live with his mistakes, in the hope that he would be accepted by his fellow companions - and most importantly, by Jesus.  Jesus knew that he would betray, but did not condemn him.  On the other hand, Judas did not have anyone to turn to.  He felt he had let down everyone and none would now accept him - not even the Lord.  He dies alone, or rather he dies a very pathetically lonely death.  He decided for himself that no one would give him a second chance.  And the ones whom he approached (the Jews) only mocked him.  Jesus, his main victim,  was beyond his reach now.

In that sense, his agony was greater than that of Peter.  His was an agony of loneliness.  The same loneliness that led to Jesus sweating blood in the garden of Gethsemane.  The same loneliness that made Jesus cry out 'God, my God, why have you abandoned me?'  If only were Judas to admit his guilt to someone, we'd have another excellent model of human weakness overcome! 

Parable of the Merciful father

The parable of the prodigal son, which we heard this morning for the Gospel reading, is actually wrongly titled.  It actually should be 'The parable of the Merciful father'.  Unfortunately most of us invariably focus our attention on the son who leaves the father's house and then regretfully returns.  That the son who stayed behind with the father all along, was no better than his younger brother is sometimes lost out on us. 

In all this 'blame-game' and feeling of resonance of our personal lives, we fail to focus on the father who is all merciful and loving.  Nothing, nothing at all, deters him from continuing to love his children.  The son who walks out on him is loved dearly.  So is the one who stays on!  Irrespective of their attitude or behaviour, the father continues to love them the same.  Most parents exhibit this loving mercy all along their parenting. I guess, it is something parents somehow acquire with children around. 

While those who walk away in rebellion and then realize their connectedness to their dear ones carry the guilt of being shameful, those who witness the mercy of the father, from close quarters, rather than rejoice, fail to accept the acceptance of the father.  Paul Tillich does have a point, when he speaks of faith involving 'the acceptance of the acceptance of God'.  We tend to focus solely on our own merit (or demerit) and leave no scope for ourselves.  And if someone is granted scope and space, we feel 'betrayed in spite of our loyalty'. Blessed is he who sees beyond oneself and savours the love of the Father.  

Confirmation bias

In my reading during the day, I came across this phrase 'Confirmation bias' meaning, actively looking for things that help your argument and dismissing things that don't.

This is a tendency we find in everyone.  It is often the same bias that prevents us from admitting that we were wrong.  But there is another side of this as well.  Far from acknowledging mistake or error, we go to great lengths to devise strategies that affirm an outright error.  The author of the book Being Wrong, Kathryn Schulz points out five responses people offer to defend their mistake rather than admit them:

1. time-frame defence: just got the calculations a bit mixed up... but not wrong.
2. near-miss defence: it almost happened as I said it would 
3. out-of-left defence: it was almost going to happen as I said, but for that unexpected incident...
4. I was wrong, but it is your fault: not my doing... if I hadn't listened to your advice, it would have been as I said
5. better-safe-than-sorry defence: thinking and doing what I did, it would have been wrong for me to act otherwise... 

In all these there is a sort of 'mental accommodation' into which we ease ourselves to justify that what we think, hold, and believe is right, even if we know it is wrong!

Judas, the non-anonymous

Reflection for April 12, 2017

Judas, often exemplified, as the devil incarnate or the evil one is just a mortal human being like you and me. That he was chosen as an apostle indicates that Jesus found something special in him. He certainly wasn't a criminal or a good for nothing guy.

Judas is neither a master of evil nor the figure of a demoniacal power of darkness but rather a sycophant who bows down before the anonymous power of changing moods and current fashion. But it is precisely this anonymous power that crucified Jesus, for it was anonymous voices that cried, 'Away with him! Crucify him!' [Pope Benedict XVI]

Thus Judas was not the only reason why Jesus was caught. He only happens to be the only one with a name among the crowd of the anonymous. While anonymous charity can be read as humility, anonymous plotting of evil is cowardice. Where do we wish to stand: among the anonymous crowd or as one with a voice and a face, willing to take responsibility?

The fire within...

The other day Fr Maliekal was speaking about Moses and his interaction with the Egyptians, his fellow Hebrews and his subsequent encounter with God. He highlighted the transition of Moses from one who was all strength and power (wherein he tries to settle things with the oppressive Egyptian and intervenes during the fight between the two Hebrews) to one who surrenders to God and His plan (before the burning bush) and that too with lots of reservations - I'm unable to speak, I'm not courageous!  What happened to that vigorous Moses? What happened to his fire?

I believe this is a real transformation.  I set out on my own and then in due time and occasion ask God to add His bit to my effort.  It is not that I initially set out in rebellion against God or out of pride.  No, not at all!  Rather I set out in respect and confidence that I've been blessed by God with those skills and energies to do my bit on His behalf.  As much as I can, I do... for what I'm able to achieve, is again not totally my own, but something gifted by Him.

Contrary to this strategy is the one wherein I 'surrender' outright and do nothing! This is a real lame excuse, according to me, of very many who call themselves spiritual or pious.  If God did not consider you and me worth anything, He'd have made us as sticks or stones, not human beings!  So rather than insult the creator or one who gifted me with what I have, I put to use these to do my bit.  That's prayer; that's respect; that's partnership; that's treating God as a person! 

To see and acknowledge

As I sat for meditation this morning, I was trying to see what it is that I gained most this academic year. Like every year so far, it has been a roller coaster ride. Every year end finds me in amazement of myself. I can hardly believe that I managed to do all that I did! Anyway, let the donkey praise its own tail...

One thing that struck me during Mass and thereafter too is that most often we, including myself, fail on several counts. However what makes us real failures is the stubborness to NOT see where we go wrong. We either refuse to evaluate or worse, even acknowledge that it requires a relook. Perhaps if I were to see, acknowledge and transform those not-so-positive aspects, I'd be a better person.

Dilemma

The tension and the uneasiness about the Parents' day events are still playing large on the faces of very many third course Brothers. I know too well that while for most of us in the community, the programme went on well, quite a few of the third years are still 'hurt' by my 'intolerance' and 'unreasonably stern attitude'. Looking back I also see that I was really hard on them. I didn't give them an inch more than what I had decided earlier. At times I wonder if I was too rigid. But I also 'console' myself saying that if I weren't so, there would have been real chaos and disorder. I still don't know whether what I did was right or not. But this I know, that I can and need to do better... the only problem is that I'm caught in a dilemma: what to do better and how!!

This reminds me of the dilemma between the urge to impose one's ideas on others, on the one hand and the need to make oneself acceptable, on the other.

St Joseph and acceptance

Somehow the idea of St Joseph being a martyr was not fitting well with my understanding of him... yet I am sure he had his share of woes! I remember sharing this thought with some of my oratory youngsters about Joseph and Mary, way back in 2000 (while I was in Nashik). What if the angel Gabriel appeared to a young couple and revealed to them what he revealed to Joseph and Mary two thousand years ago? Would they be so receptive? What would be their reaction? I still remember the look on the faces of my youngsters when I placed before them this supposition!!

For St Joseph to live all his life knowing that Jesus is not 'his' son and that Mary was not really 'his', would have been a real torment. But Joseph never compromised on his commitment and affection to either of them. I believe this was genuine and total. Now this is possible only if St Joseph accepted the fact stated above whole heartedly and with no ill feelings. Had he at any moment doubted or failed to accept this fact, life would have been miserable for him. But it wasn't!! He was totally at home that 'his' own were never 'his' alone! This acceptance brought about the best of him.

And by the way, Fr TV was fooling at table this morning: If St Joseph were to have lived today, he would have been behind the bars for marrying a minor! (Mary was believed to be only 14 when she married St Joseph!). (The picture is one of my favourite work of art in the Provincial house... and it is a mosaic in the Chapel).