Alarm blues

 Years ago while as students at The Retreat, Yercaud, I had a senior who was weird in every sense of the word and deed. He once borrowed (by force) from another companion an alarm piece. This alarm was a bit of a fancy one with multiple options and what not. 

This senior set the alarm much earlier than the usual rising time and woke up when it rang in the morning. So far so good. But he hadn't bothered to learn how to switch it off! And being in the dormitory of 30 people, most of us cousins of Kumbhakarna who love our sleep, this continuous alarm was a disturbance. This senior first tried to silence the alarm by putting it under the pillow. No chance of the sound not still being a nuisance. Then he put it inside the individual wooden locker. Still no much of a difference. After a few minutes of fellows yelling and shouting to put off the alarm, silence prevailed. 

After breakfast, during morning jobs, the owner of the alarm approached this senior and scolded him because everyone was cursing him thinking it was him who caused nuisance early morning - after all all of us knew him to be the owner of that alarm. The senior too was fed up with a few of his immediate neighbours who gave him a piece of their mind for the confusion in the dormitory. He told this owner, "Go, collect it!" "Collect it? From where?", asked the owner. "From the terrace!" came the reply!!

Dreams and discernment

 Listening to the brief homily of the Mass of St Joseph, it struck me that Joseph received all his communication or 'instructuons' via dreams! He dreamt an angel telling him to take Mary as his wife. He was told in a dream to flee Jerusalem. He was informed in a dream to return from Egypt. He truly was a man of dreams!! And faith, to believe that what he saw in a dream was what was actually expected of him.

Then it also struck me, Don Bosco was a man of dreams! The number of dreams that full his biographies! So did Martin Luther King dream! And Abdul Kalam speak of his numerous dreams. 

All these great visionaries and leaders were guide by dreams. If course, not all of them would have been something they went through, at night lying flat in their bed. Yet these are the facts that drove them. That propelled their actions and their whole life.

Hence the confirmation of my prayer which Ive been praying more and more: 

Lord grant me the wisdom to discern Your will and the courage to live it, no matter the cost.

The axe was long falling

 Today was another serious confrontation, butthis one was very peaceful and calm. Most probably because even before the individual entered my office he knew he had no line of defence. Yet, that did not deter him from putting forth some lousy illogical arguments, which was evidently not clear to himself in the first place. 

Within a few minutes into our dialogue, his initial little hope began to evaporate. I could see it on his face. I could read it in his eyes. He didn't put up any fight, but merely surrendered to what he already guessed would be the final outcome. 

At a point I felt sad for him, for he is much senior to me. I could see that he felt cornered and helpless, not because of me or my questions, but because of what has lead to this day, this heartbreaking dialogue - his own doings. 

Looking back at the whole discussion, given the context and content, I feel pleased with how I put forth my points - firmly and clearly, without in any way humiliating or disrespecting the person. Even though none of his responses were anywhere near truthful or convincing, I did not loose my cool, not even a frown. Perhaps also because he never 'fought'. He knew the axe was long falling.

St Joseph

Joseph, the Church of God protect;

Her priests with holy care endow; 

Shield of the virgin-souls elect

Hope of the fatherless be thou:

And when our parting spirits cling

To earthly joys that cannot bide,

Make Nazareth in our homes, and bring

Jesus and Mary to our side.

Guilt, courage and change

 When confronted by someone, abruptly out of the blues, with some serious lacuna or fault of ours, the most common and immediate reaction (besides shock) is denial.  One is too lost to see oneself 'naked', exposed.  Naturally the mind goes into overdrive to cover oneself up - with whatever one can think of!  In this process, one blurts out things which often end up doing more damage than good.  

While this immediate response or reaction is understandable, continuing to be in that same state of denial and attempting to cover things up, is a sign of a weakened conscience. Such a person will always find it hard to make any changes in one's own life, because he or she has not really accepted the truth about oneself.  Without primarily accepting one's own given situation, and acknowledging (at least to oneself) that it is not the best of oneself, how does one move to a better state of life or living?  

While guilt is a terrible burden, it can also move us to be courageous.  Courageous enough to accept the fault and seek ways to make up for it, all the while keen on making oneself a better person.  I also understand that it is easy for me to write this, as one not affected.  Nonetheless, I tell myself, if I do not have the honesty to admit my own mistakes, small ones to begin with, and in all sincerity, I will never have the courage needed to admit mistakes that I constantly bury without a funeral! 

Comfort in misery

 The incident we hear in the gospel today can also be interpreted differently, indicating to us that the Lord expects us to take responsibility for ourselves.  Not merely wait for help to arrive and do all the work.  We are expected to do the heavy lifting ourselves, for ourselves! 

The man at the pool of Bethesda, is shown as waiting for healing. Unfortunately there is always - always?- someone who enters into the stirred miraculous waters before he could.  Now this could be the case of a couple of days or months.  But it cannot be so for ages!  Unless, the man himself is not keen to get healed!  He is comfortable in his misery. Perhaps, he is used to earning a living 'showcasing' his physical condition of paralysis. 

To such a man shirking his responsibility, Jesus says: 'Pick up your bed!'  

While God's grace and peoples generosity requires no additional support or reason, one cannot escape one's own responsibility towards oneself. Healing, change, growth are matters - among many others - which require one's own consent and will.  

Some English tips!

 This morning one confrere during the meeting concluded his observation thus: 

One cannot expect everyone to know everything on one's FINGER SPOTS!

This confrere often comes up with such words or phrases, with such confidence, in public, that those who know a little good use of English sometimes begin to doubt their own knowledge!

Balanced apostolate

 Among the Priests and religious there is an allergy towards the paper and desk.  So anything to do with studies, documentation, forms, surveys, reflection is always the last thing to be attempted - if at all one does.  The contemporary religious are light years away from the priests and monks of the medieval ages who excelled in diverse fields. 

Today our morning discussion as part of the Mission Poverty Eradication review, I realised another dimension of the same 'desk-fatigue'.  But this dimension has more to do with a lack of organisation and repetition that leads one to slump everytime one hears or is told to fill out a form.  

There is a tussle between engaging oneself in/with charismatic services or apostolate on the one hand, and keeping tab on the impact or effect, on the other.  Called to be apostles, the Gospel does not tell us to keep track of all the good one does: let not your left hand know what your right hand is doing. One is called to love and do good. End of story.  But unless one does an assessment or review of what one has done and if that has actually done some benefit, one does not know if he or she has to continue the service, the style and the procedure or rework it all.  Furthermore there is the fear of the inability to answer the question: 'What are you doing?' or 'What did you do?'

While the value of accountability can never be undermined, on the one hand is the accountability to God and to one's own conscience. For this no log book or account abstract need to be prepared.  On the other hand, one is also called to be accountable to our benefactors, the government, the religious community, the society at large. 

One has to have a BALANCED approach.  If lobsided, one might as well live in a cloistered monastery (but even there one will have to be accountable in the latter sense!) or in a cave, all by oneself. And if leaning on the other side, one might not be charismatic.  

Alone [Alan Walker and Ava Max]

 

We all need that someone who gets you like no one else 

 Right when you need it the most 

 We all need a soul to rely on, a shoulder to cry on 

 A friend through the highs and the lows

God and humanity