Guilt, courage and change

 When confronted by someone, abruptly out of the blues, with some serious lacuna or fault of ours, the most common and immediate reaction (besides shock) is denial.  One is too lost to see oneself 'naked', exposed.  Naturally the mind goes into overdrive to cover oneself up - with whatever one can think of!  In this process, one blurts out things which often end up doing more damage than good.  

While this immediate response or reaction is understandable, continuing to be in that same state of denial and attempting to cover things up, is a sign of a weakened conscience. Such a person will always find it hard to make any changes in one's own life, because he or she has not really accepted the truth about oneself.  Without primarily accepting one's own given situation, and acknowledging (at least to oneself) that it is not the best of oneself, how does one move to a better state of life or living?  

While guilt is a terrible burden, it can also move us to be courageous.  Courageous enough to accept the fault and seek ways to make up for it, all the while keen on making oneself a better person.  I also understand that it is easy for me to write this, as one not affected.  Nonetheless, I tell myself, if I do not have the honesty to admit my own mistakes, small ones to begin with, and in all sincerity, I will never have the courage needed to admit mistakes that I constantly bury without a funeral! 

Comfort in misery

 The incident we hear in the gospel today can also be interpreted differently, indicating to us that the Lord expects us to take responsibility for ourselves.  Not merely wait for help to arrive and do all the work.  We are expected to do the heavy lifting ourselves, for ourselves! 

The man at the pool of Bethesda, is shown as waiting for healing. Unfortunately there is always - always?- someone who enters into the stirred miraculous waters before he could.  Now this could be the case of a couple of days or months.  But it cannot be so for ages!  Unless, the man himself is not keen to get healed!  He is comfortable in his misery. Perhaps, he is used to earning a living 'showcasing' his physical condition of paralysis. 

To such a man shirking his responsibility, Jesus says: 'Pick up your bed!'  

While God's grace and peoples generosity requires no additional support or reason, one cannot escape one's own responsibility towards oneself. Healing, change, growth are matters - among many others - which require one's own consent and will.  

Some English tips!

 This morning one confrere during the meeting concluded his observation thus: 

One cannot expect everyone to know everything on one's FINGER SPOTS!

This confrere often comes up with such words or phrases, with such confidence, in public, that those who know a little good use of English sometimes begin to doubt their own knowledge!

Balanced apostolate

 Among the Priests and religious there is an allergy towards the paper and desk.  So anything to do with studies, documentation, forms, surveys, reflection is always the last thing to be attempted - if at all one does.  The contemporary religious are light years away from the priests and monks of the medieval ages who excelled in diverse fields. 

Today our morning discussion as part of the Mission Poverty Eradication review, I realised another dimension of the same 'desk-fatigue'.  But this dimension has more to do with a lack of organisation and repetition that leads one to slump everytime one hears or is told to fill out a form.  

There is a tussle between engaging oneself in/with charismatic services or apostolate on the one hand, and keeping tab on the impact or effect, on the other.  Called to be apostles, the Gospel does not tell us to keep track of all the good one does: let not your left hand know what your right hand is doing. One is called to love and do good. End of story.  But unless one does an assessment or review of what one has done and if that has actually done some benefit, one does not know if he or she has to continue the service, the style and the procedure or rework it all.  Furthermore there is the fear of the inability to answer the question: 'What are you doing?' or 'What did you do?'

While the value of accountability can never be undermined, on the one hand is the accountability to God and to one's own conscience. For this no log book or account abstract need to be prepared.  On the other hand, one is also called to be accountable to our benefactors, the government, the religious community, the society at large. 

One has to have a BALANCED approach.  If lobsided, one might as well live in a cloistered monastery (but even there one will have to be accountable in the latter sense!) or in a cave, all by oneself. And if leaning on the other side, one might not be charismatic.  

Alone [Alan Walker and Ava Max]

 

We all need that someone who gets you like no one else 

 Right when you need it the most 

 We all need a soul to rely on, a shoulder to cry on 

 A friend through the highs and the lows

God and humanity

 

The amazing ability

Sherlock Holmes and his smart assistant Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, enjoy a heavy barbeque dinner with a bottle of whisky, set up their tent, and fall asleep. 

Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replies, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?” 

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. “Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!” 

Watson had missed the most obvious observation. He was clever enough to notice the complexities of the stars, but he missed what was plain and simple. 

I remember this particular phrase in the book Jesus plan for a new world, which the author uses to describe the apostles, as to how they had "the amazing ability to miss the point." Even the most best of us sometimes miss the obvious.

Doggy conversation

 Sometime in the morning, while scrolling through a news article, I came across this particular teaching asking her students to come up with a creative writing essay about the conversation between two dogs.  I thought it was a brilliant idea evoking and tickling creative energies of children.  I'd love to see what my nephew and niece would come up with, if I were to assign them this task!  

And just as I was calling it a day - or night? - I came across this cartoon! 

A good way to end a rather satisfying day! 

Busy, but satisfying day

 After long - really a very long time - feel a sense of excitement about the various tasks being carried out. I think, today I practically touched every field of work that I have ever involved myself in (except Philosophy!!!).  

Almost completed a script for a 60 sec video on the theme of solar energy production, keeping in mind for a school ... in line with my own responsibility of administration. But with my media experience!  Feel good about it. Of course, the video itself is not started. But the concept, and it taking the shape of a script is greatly fulfilling. 

Then there was the issue of property tax and its nuanced loopholes and solutions as well. Great lengths of discussion and learning about it today. 

Land matters is something that is becoming something of a common topic everyday! More problems and in a way, more possibilities as well.  Talking about it with people of interest, gave me a possibility which never occurred to me before. That was exciting! 

Then there was a large chunk of the day spent on moving forward a project on digital documentation. As I confessed in my mail to all those involved, having people so excited about it and breathing down on our necks (in a very very positive manner) propels the rest of us to action.  Besides the adventure of the work itself, there is also the thrill of working with like-minded passionate people.  Oh, it is a great adrenalin boost! 

Being the economer, not a day goes by without doing some math!  So it was!  

Chalk to tapes and poles

 Today I have been discussing with various people, about various issues, legal and land matters.  It has been very diverse and complicated.  During one such conversation after supper at table, here in Vijayawada, I remembered an incident nearly four years ago. 

I had just taken charge as the Economer and one day along with Thathi and KP Mathew found myself in Mallepalli, Nalgonda. We were doing a land survey of a plot of land promised to us Salesians.  As I was assisting the surveyor, with his tape and digital pole, at one point I noticed Thathi smiling.  When asked what he was amused at, he replied, "Instead of some chalk you are now holding tapes and poles!" 

Well, at times I chuckle to myself.  From what to where have I come, in these part four years!  From being a teacher of philosophy to a financial administrator! That too with no background whatsoever about matters related to law, land, administration and finance!  That said, do I have any regrets? None at all.  Because I know what I am here for is not to do what I want to, but what God and the Congregation wants me to.  Mine is not to ask what and where, but to do with my whole heart whatever it is that is asked for the good of all, especially the young.