The arrived

 Every group has a variety of members and a greater assortment of leaders! The Salesian community or Province too is no exception. 

Glancing at the working style (without making any moral or character judgement) of the leaders of our communities, we get to see a wide variety.  There are those who are simple. They know they are not complicated or omnipotent and therefore go about their work, seeking assistance and are open to guidance. Then there are those who go about as if they know it all. No consultation. Unwilling to alter course, even if they recognise they have made a blunder. And it is always somebody else's fault - everytime.

I remember a particular phrase Fr Camillus, the former Provincial of Chennai, would use to describe the latter: the arrived confreres!

Can Salesian Brothers be rectors

Can Salesian Brothers be rectors?

The question itself is wrongly posed. Rather than ask whether ‘Can SB be made rectors?, one should ask, ‘Who should be rectors?’ It is not about priests or brothers, but persons with charisma, with the passion of DB, with leadership skills who need to be appointed rectors! And in that list of qualities needed to be a rector, if priesthood is not a non-negotiable, then so be it. 

Let the holy ones among us, pray for us; the intelligent ones, teach us; and the prudent ones, lead us. (Fr Agilan)

What one needs to work on is the attitudinal change; a change about the perception of a leader.  In that sense I appreciate the GC 29 placing this question, under the structural proposals, rather than in the core topics of discussion. The argument of rectorship on the basis of priesthood and brotherhood, and whatever decision we arrive at on the basis of that criterion, is only doing a disservice to the congregation and the society at large. One direct negative outcome of it would be that the apprehensive and pessimistic attitude we live and exhibit towards the Salesian collaborators will continue! 

For example, if I’m genuinely interested in the welfare of the young people of a school, I’ll ensure that one who is best suited for them would be appointed as principal. Even if that person is a lay person, who is imbued with the spirit of DB. Why should we deny the young, the competence and spirit of a capable lay person; that too purely to give the ‘cassock’ or ‘my friend’ or ‘a titled SDB’ a chance? But if I have no objection to someone passionate about DB and academically competent, as the principal of a school, then what has changed is the attitude; not the role, not the position. My ‘position’ as an SDB, far from being ignored or denigrated, has only been enriched because I have acted in the best interest of the children. We need to strive for such an attitudinal change rather than engage ourselves in power games. 

To those who fear that tomorrow a Salesian collaborator will be proposed and appointed a rector, we need to educate him or her to see that only a Salesian is to be the rector of a house. Therefore, it is then to clarify the identity of a Salesian (as consecrated to God and committed to the young). A Salesian collaborator however committed to the young he or she may be, is not a consecrated religious. 

Again, as a Salesian what marks me out is not my priesthood or brotherhood but my CONSECRATION (something most of us Salesians ourselves either do not know, or understand or are unwilling to accept). So even without being a priest I can be a Salesian – this no one can dispute (and if someone does, then the Salesian Brothers are not Salesians at all; so no question of whether he can be a rector or not!). 

Last of all, I joined the congregation because I loved Don Bosco and wanted to live and work like him. I did not join the congregation to become a rector or principal or administrator or (least of all) the role that I'm now carrying out. Moreover, when I made my profession AS A BROTHER, I was very well aware that a brother is not appointed as the superior. So, the ongoing debate – amusing as it sounds – is something I’m the least bothered to break my head about! I only take this opportunity to see how the Brothers identity, and all the more, the Salesian identity, was, is and will be defined...! 

Perspective and attitude

A young salesman became discouraged because he had been rejected by many of the customers that he approached. He asked a more experienced salesman for some advice. “Why is it that every time I make a call on someone I get rejected?” 

“I just don’t understand that,” answered the older salesman “I’ve been hit on the head, called dirty names, and thrown out the door, but I’ve never been rejected! Remember, my son: Rejection isn’t what happens to us but how we interpret what happens to us!”

That's called having a perspective.  Building and living an attitude. 

Then came a Pharaoh...

In our religious houses, among the numerous issues plaguing our transition procedures, is the break of rapport between the one laying down office has with the various people with regard to our apostolate and the one replacing the outgoing confrere.  The phrase 'there came a pharaoh who knew not Joseph' aptly describes this issue. 

In my three years in office, I've come across several lay people who feel greatly disturbed, and some even feel humiliated, after a new set of confreres replace others in a place with a long history.  The new set of confreres treat this particular individual or persons with utter disregard or total shun any contact with him or them.  At times confreres may not be doing this consciously.  It is sometime out of pure ignorance or because his predecessor has not introduced or even mentioned about these individuals to the incoming confreres. But for the lay persons involved it is very awkward.  It is just that some of them have long been associated with our works and our mission.  And after being so closely associated and worked so much, suddenly to find themselves being treated as strangers, by actual strangers (new Salesians!) is embarrassing.

I also know of instances where some Salesians have pampered some lay persons to the extent that rather than become people who would positively influence the apostolate, they become parasites or looters.  The fresh team distancing themselves and the apostolate from such persons is actually needed and is healthy for all involved. 

At other times, our attitude of being omniscient, certainly does not help!  Even though, we have no idea of the new apostolate, or have never even bothered to glance through its history, we act as if we were born into that responsibility.  In such a scenario, there came a Pharoah, who not only knew not Joseph, but thought of himself as Yahweh!! 

Reworking our transition procedures keeping in mind such scenarios is one possible way forward. But ultimately, blessed is he who does not feel as a Pharaoh at all!

Self-deceiving illusion

 Very often we live in a world of our own.  We fail to see our own shortcomings but see others faults very clearly. We speak and act as if what I think and do are the best and the most appropriate means to success.  What others think or do is always messy and insufficient.  

The tragedy is when we consistently do this, and make ourselves believe that this self-image is right. Everything else and everyone else has to change. Not I!  

Blessed are those who can view themselves with the same lens as we see others.  And see others, as we see ourselves! 

Choice

The liturgical commemoration of today and tomorrow are very much related.  Today we have John the Baptist who loses his head (literally) for standing up to what he believes to be true and right.  Tomorrow we have Jeremiah complaining to Yahweh that he cannot resist him!! Try as he may, he cannot but speak His word and be a prophet.  

One thing common in both John the Baptist and Jeremiah, is that they end up paying a heavy price for their adherence to what they believe as true.  Like Jeremiah, there could have been moments in the life of John too when he could have just walked away.  Given up all that he felt deep within, and taken the easy path - the path chosen by most people, anyway!  None would have noticed. None would have accused him of 'being normal'. Yet, neither of them gives in to that temptation, that desire, that feeling.  They continue living a life, not really chosen by them but they find themselves embracing it none the same! 

Rationally this is difficult to explain.  They did not choose to be the 'odd ones out' in the first place.  But by carrying on, are they really consenting to that life-style?  Surely there is more than the mind here at play.  Difficult to get the mind around it.  The heart finds its way! 

Gentleness and reverence

The second reading of the sixth Sunday of Easter, a letter from St Peter, was almost a personal reminder of my own resolution, at the beginning of the year.  It was all the more striking because I failed in it even today!

Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope, but do it with gentleness and reverence, keeping your conscience clear... 

I am aware that at times when I reply, the response is always laden with contempt and sarcasm!  It arises not just from the question or the immediate context, but from a deep rooted bias that I nurture against some principles or people.  However, good and worthy my point is, the fact that I condescend an opinion, and sometimes even people, I already lost the point.  My conscience is not clear!  One good cannot be wrought about by doing something worse.  I'm driving home the wrong message.  The problem is not with the message, it is with me. 

Gentleness and reverence!  

An alternative to the Golden Rule

During my year at Ramanthapur, on the day of my b'day, my family joined me and the community in the evening celebrations.  There was a grand cultural programme put up by the boys in the hall.  At one certain moment, my niece came over to me and sat on my lap.  I was sitting at the back of the whole group with my family.  One of the youngest boys, Ganesh (I still remember him well!) aged the same as my niece - 3 years - was sitting right in front of the whole group, closest to the stage.  He somehow noticed my niece on my lap.  There was a strange look on his face.  It was as if to say, if she can, why not I?  But that was also coupled with the knowledge (far ahead of his age) that he could not.  He turned back a couple of times to see if my niece was still sitting with me.  I very delicately led her back to a chair, beside me.

Later during the programme, when called upon the stage to cut the cake, my nephew and niece hopped along.  They are 'professional cake-cutters'! And they would never have missed this opportunity to cut the cake with me!  From the stage, I dared not look in Ganesh's direction.  And so I invited the whole batch of the youngest boys (Mamma Margaret home boys - we called them), all 21 or 22 of them, onto the stage to join me.  They didn't need a second invitation!

This incident flashed in my mind, the moment I read the article, offering an alternative to the Golden rule. The Golden Rule asks us to do unto others what I wish done to me!  The Chinese philosopher Mengzi, offers an alternative: Extend to the world, the love and reverence you already have for your parents and elders.  (How Mengzi came up with something better than the Golden Rule on Aeon).

The Golden Rule actually presumes an inherent self-love as primary to human nature, rather than love for others.  It basically asks one to transpose one's love for oneself, onto others.  Mengzi's alternative, rests on the basic premise that as human beings we naturally love others, especially our parents, relatives and elders in our immediate community.  While the goal of both the principles is the extended other, the starting point is distinct.  Mengzi's extension is based on the 'we' dimension rather than the 'I' perspective.  Two other distinctive characteristics, pointed out by the author Eric Schwitzgebel, of Mengzi's extension, also make great sense.  One, Mengzi's extension is a lesser/easier leap than the Golden Rule: from family-to-others rather than self-to-others.  Secondly, it in a way includes the starting point of the Golden Rule in as much as the extension can be applied to oneself.  If I want my dear ones to enjoy kindness and empowerment I can extend/apply it to myself too!

Care about me not because you can imagine what you would selfishly want if you were me. Care about me because you see how I am not really so different from others you already love.

Looking back at my interactive experiences with the boys at Ramanthapur, what guided me more than my love for myself, especially when it came to the younger ones, was my affection for Chris and Anet. After all, half of the boys were around the age of Chris.  

Gratitude

Thinking about thankfulness and gratitude, the theme of the Gospel tomorrow, where Jesus cures the ten lepers and only one returns to thank him, I remembered reading an article recently about how gratitude adds value to life. 

However, even at the end of the article, I still did not see what different or 'scientific' was the whole argument about.  It was like stating what we already know - or is it?  The article (found on Aeon) basically argued for gratitude to be the simplest way to lead a life of well-being, primarily also because gratitude leads one to grow in other virtues. 

NJlifehacks

I think there is basically - more in India than here in the West - a sense of entitlement.  That one is entitled to what one receives;  and for what one is entitled to one need not go about being grateful to others, certainly not to the ones 'below' us! And for those we pay, they are not doing us a favour.  They are getting paid for it, so why 'thank' them?  But the whole notion of gratitude is not about justice or balance.  It is not as if to set right the equation, that one thanks.  Basically gratitude is an attitude, not a means we use to level off trade or equations.  And the best thing about gratitude: there are no adverse side-effects, only further advantages! 

Cicero did have a point when he stated:

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, it is the parent of all others.

Hope vs Skepticism

What if we cannot know the final judgement (either in Christian terms or in ordinary day to day life experience)? 

• Suspend judgement.
• In suspending judgement we can either have the attitude of a skeptic and say 'nothing can be known - end of everything!' Or have hope!  
• Neither despair nor presumption. 
• Which of the two attitudes (skepticism or hope) we adopt decides the mood. 

Everywhere you go...

Talked to an old friend of mine after long.  She is a missionary in Sri Lanka and spoke with great joy of her work there, in the school, prison, parish group, Legion of Mary, and of course, in the community of three itself!  We studied philosophy together for a year, more than two decades ago.  She was then - and even now - a very affectionate person.  Not a great intellectual but very humane and greatly concerned about everyone.  As she was sharing about her work and the great satisfaction she was having from all the works she was involved in, she was happy to hear me speak of what I was doing (nothing much!).

The one thing we realised was that no matter where we are, the circumstances around us do not matter more than the state of our interior lives.  What's inside is more influential than what is outside of us.  Coincidentally came across this particular song, reflecting this sentiment:
Everywhere you go, always take the weather with you, everywhere you go... (love the guitar too!)

Colour of the mind

Back in India, beauty is often related to fair skin.  Much more in past years, those with dark complexion were considered 'ugly', and those of fair complexion, 'beautiful'. The cosmetic industry thrives (and therefore endorses) this biased conception of beauty.  However there has been a greater consciousness and awareness today, but the actuality is not far from those days. I've personally come across several people trying to 'improve' their skin tone.  Even among confreres there are persons who are yet to reconcile themselves with their dark complexion - some seeking extra medical intervention, over and above the cosmetic!  

Here in Europe people seek a 'tan'.  Being fair skinned, summer is the time most people look forward to - all to spend a holiday on the beach!!  People travel all the way to Spain and Italy to lie on the beaches and come back to show off their suntan!  Even in this there is the cosmetic world cashing on this craze.  So there are creams and lotions to help bear the sun burn, gain a longer tan, protect the skin... Though a bit more broad minded about the notion of 'beauty', the West too has its idiosyncrasies.  Strange but true: those of dark skin want to become fair skinned and the fair skinned wish to have darker complexion!  

Persons beyond actions

Reflection for April 11, 2017: To see the person beyond the action

Jesus' attitude towards Judas is noteworthy. Here is the man who has already betrayed Him, yet Jesus does not throw any tantrum or make a scene out of Judas' pretense. He does not chastise him or humiliate him for his choices. He does not grumble about Judas to the other apostles when he is gone from the room. Jesus is also aware of Peter's betrayal by denial. Yet He still treats them both with dignity and respect.

We may say, it is because Jesus was God, He could be so gracious. But it is the same Jesus who cried out in agony in the garden of Gethsemane asking that if possible, he be spared the suffering. To feel such agony and at the same time not hold it against someone or anyone requires great vision and openness of the heart. It does not come all at once. One needs constantly to make such decisions in small matters of life, to achieve such equanimity at moments of great intensity.

Responding immediately to betrayal or hurt feelings by being angry is natural. Yet Jesus shows through his words and deeds that there are other ways of responding too, when others hurt us deeply… to see the person beyond his or her actions.

On size and Unity

Two lovely thoughts (African proverbs), sent across by a good friend...

Paradox of cleanliness

The other day listening to the gospel about what causes a person to be defiled, I remembered Fr Paul Vadakkumpadan speaking of cleanliness.  He was speaking of it in the context of our travels, especially by train.  Very often vendors pass by selling boiled groundnuts.  Passengers buy these groundnuts and then chat away with co-passengers happily peeling the groundnuts and munching on the nuts.  But the peels are just dropped on the floor!  They are left there till someone comes sweeping the floor.  And usually it is the poor people, those with disability and children who come along with a small broom or piece of rag.  As soon as the passengers see them, they fold their legs upon the seat, so as not be touched by 'those' cleaners.

That's where Fr Paul says the paradox lies: Those who dirty the place are considered clean and those who clean the place as dirty.

Pre-requisites

Not sure how true or false this attribution to Shakespeare is but all the same, the message is worth a thought.

Before you speak listen.
Before you write, think.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you hurt, feel.
Before you hate, love.
Before you quit, try.
Before you die, live. 

Motivation and Success

Extracts from 'Williams driven by a deeper purpose' by Matthew Syed in The Times of February 1, 2017 (p. 60)

We are motivated to do amazing things not when we are within our comfort zone, but when we seek a wider purpose, often (but not always) discovered in adversity. As Orson Welles put it in the Third Man: "In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had fiver hundred years of democracy and peace - and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock." 

As Frankl put it: "Success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself."

Read the full article here.  

Online Trolls

Reading news online has been a habit since long.  Earlier I used to read also the comments that would be posted below the news article. This was a continued habit from reading the 'letters to the editor' which appeared in the print version.  However, I stopped reading the comments a few years since.  Purely for the venom they spit and for the hatred with which they utter words.  I've long been convinced that these comments were purposely posted by appointed people, just to tarnish the image of anything worthwhile.  Most often there would not be any rhyme or reason for their hateful tirade.

Yesterday there was an article in The Times (UK) by a person describing the online (malign) campaign of the ruling party BJP in India.  A similar one appeared in The Guardian on Dec. 27, 2016. Firstpost (dated Dec. 28, 2016) begins thus

It's something that will eventually catch up with you. From disparaging and vituperative remarks to disgusting sexual innuendos, rape and death threats, hateful memes and an unapologetic and arrogant attitude, trolling is a routine affair these days. There is hardly any originality in it anymore. 

But when the ruling government of a democracy carefully constructs, contrives and calibrates a social media culture where dissent towards a leader or an ideology or even a party is reciprocated in the worst possible manner, it is a matter of extreme worry and it becomes obligatory to initiate a dialogue and debate and especially when it becomes part of our daily existence.

It confirms my view that there is a systematic hijacking of the social media and the internet open polls by political parties for backing their sinister motives and worse, silencing the democratic voice of dissent. A clever move indeed but a very dangerous one.  No opinion contrary to the ruling party is spared.  If the person speaking against any policy or decision of the party is a woman, the text is at times very nasty.  Every news or incident, political or not, is somehow commented upon to praise the party of choice and shower abuses on anyone dissenting.

People of India are still very gullible when it comes to having convictions and forming opinions. They'd rather go with the majority than stand alone or take a stand against.  In such a context to sway one's opinion in someone's favour, such smear campaigns work extremely well.

Dealing with success

From Markings, of Dag Hammarskjold...

To rejoice at success is not the same as to take credit for it.  To deny oneself the first is to be a hypocrite and a denier of life; to indulge oneself in the second is a pleasure for children which will keep them from growing up. 

Contentment

An excerpt from Dag Hammarskjokld's Markings: 

He came with his little girl. She was wearing her best clothes.
You saw how careful she was with her fine coat.
Others saw also -- saw, with indifference, that it had been
another little girls' fine coat,
which had been fine another year. 

In the morning it had been festive in the sunshine.
Now most people had already gone home.
The balloon sellers were counting the day's receipts.
Even the sun had kept abreast with the others and gone to rest behind a cloud.
So it was quite bleak and deserted when he came with his little girl
to taste the joy of spring and to be warmed in a newly polished Easter sun. 

But she was satisfied.
They were both of them satisfied.
For they had learned a humility which you have yet to grasp.
A humility which never compares, which does not reject
that which is for 'something else' or for 'more'.