Love transforms everything

 [Reflection by Fr Jijo Jose Manjackal MSFS] 

 A Dutch diamond collector was seeking for a very rare diamond. 

 A diamond dealer in New York heard of this inquiry and contacted him letting him know that he believed he possessed the diamond he was looking for. The diamond collector arrived and the dealer had his salesman present the diamond. 

 The salesman described all the technical aspects of the diamond. However, within minutes, the diamond collector rose his hand and said: “I am sorry! This is not the diamond I am looking for” and began to walk away. 

 Watching from a distance, the diamond dealer hurriedly intercepted him and he asked him if he could present the diamond again. Since he had travelled a long distance, the collector agreed to listen once again. The dealer pulled out the same diamond and started describing his admiration for this particular diamond. 

 Within minutes they were signing papers, and the diamond was purchased. 

 As the gentleman was walking out, he asked, what just happened? Why was it so easy for me to say no to your salesman a little while ago, while with you I purchased the diamond? The dealer replied: “That salesman is the best in the business. He knows more about diamonds than anyone, including myself, and I pay him a large salary for his knowledge and expertise. But I would gladly pay him twice as much if I could put into him something I have, which he lacks. You see, he knows diamonds but I love them!” 

 Love transforms everything!

Mandate to ...?

Feast of the foot-washing!  I'm sure Fr Maliekal would be first in line to rename the day for this title!  And he has his very valid and contextual reasons for doing so.  

The Maundy Thursday mandate can be interpreted in multiple ways.  Service, being one of the them. But it is not service merely because the other is in need that I reach out, rather I reach out because I love the other.  In the case of the former, the situation of the other prompts me to action, not my own conviction. The context of the other changes for good and in all probability the person falls off my radar.  Whereas in the latter, I love the other no matter what his or her condition is.  

Moreover, when service is an outcome of love, I do not have to have great wealth or assets to do service ("Give us a project or funds and only then we can do something!").  Love propels me to be creative in reaching out.  

Sheep and the shepherd

 In the Christian tradition the imagery of the sheep and the shepherd dates back to Jesus himself. In the gospels we read the umpteen number of times Jesus speaks of these two characters while driving home a point.

While many exegeses and commentaries ha e been recorded, there is one quite common misinterpretation that I've not come across much. Of course, there are references quite close to it. It is about the character of the sheep. 

Shepherds today tend to look upon the sheep as dumb, naive and worth nothing but being bossed over. This is not the fault of the sheep. It is due to the prise and arrogance of the shepherd. Jesus' concern and action towards the sheep was purely out of love for the sheep; not out of pity for them, not out of a false sense of doling out charity just to boost his own ego, not out of looking down on them, not as a means of self-glorification. 

Jesus loved the sheep. Period. There was nothing about himself in any of his thoughts, plans, and actions.

To be prepared or not to be?

 In the Gospel one reads Jesus warning his disciples to be single minded about following him.  The one who puts his hand to the ploughshare does not look behind.  At the same time he speaks of the need to be prepared.  

I gather it is a question of balancing. And most importantly, clarifying motives.  The purpose!  We wash our clothes and iron them - not because we love our clothes, or that the clothes need to look neat and tidy.  But because we wish to be seen as neat and tidy!  To want the clothes to look spic and span is a good thing; but the primary purpose and goal is to look good ourselves!  

It is the same with the whole question of discipleship.  It is not about hating people, in order to love God.  But loving God above every person.  What is common and necessary is the aspect of love. And if we genuinely love God - or people - we tend to genuinely love everyone else as well. 

Albi Ya Albi (Nancy Ajram)

 The great month of September, let me begin with a lovely Arabic song that I came across a couple of days ago... thanks to Kalam Eineh, the earlier Arabic/Egyptian song, that has really caught my ears and heart). 

This one is by Nancy Ajram, titled Albi Ya Albi (My heart, oh my heart!)... another love song, with soothing music and apt lyrics too! 

My heart oh my heart, leave me oh my heart 

It's not the right time to fall in love again

I can't now and I can't do anything about it

I don't know what happened to my heart

May be I loved you, you were the taste of love

...

God as fulcrum

 "Give me a lever and a fulcrum," said a man of science, "and I'll shift the world."  Archimedes wasn't talking to God, so his request wasn't granted; and in any case he was only thinking of the material world.  But the Saints really have enjoyed the privilege he asked for;  the fulcrum God told them to use was himself, nothing less than himself, and the lever was prayer.  Only it must be the kind of prayer that sets the heart of all on fire with love; that's how the Saints shift the world in our own day, and that's how they'll do it to the end of time."

[Therese of Lisieux, Autobiography of a Saint, translated by Ronald Knox (Collins: Fount Paperback, 1985), 246.

Kalam Eineh (The words of his eyes)

Finally, found the original of this song... an Egyptian song by Sherine. 

Very many are using it to promote the Palestinian side, but it has nothing to do with the ongoing war.  It is a actually a love song, from the perspective of the lady. 

Kalam Eineh in Arabic means 'The words of his eyes'. The music is composed by Hassan El-Shafei and is quite captivating. I find it quite appealing to the ears and the heart! 

With English translation of the words... 

For more about the Egyptian song and the actual songs in favour of the Palestinian side, read this blog post. 

An old Hindi song

 Chanced upon this very old hindi song... lovely! 

Liked the way the verses are a duet, a response to the preceding verse... not to say anything about the MEANING in the lyrics! Just beautiful. 

Grow as we go (Ben Platt)

You say there's so much you don't know You need to go and find yourself You say you'd rather be alone 'Cause you think you won't find it tied to someone else Ooh, who said it's true That the growing only happens on your own? They don't know me and you I don't think you have to leave If to change is what you need You can change right next to me When you're high, I'll take the lows You can ebb and I can flow And we'll take it slow And grow as we go Grow as we go You won't be the only one I am unfinished, I've got so much left to learn I don't know how this river runs But I'd like the company through every twist and turn Ooh, who said it's true That the growing only happens on your own? They don't know me and you You don't ever have to leave If to change is what you need You can change right next to me When you're high, I'll take the lows You can ebb and I can flow And we'll take it slow And grow as we go Grow as we go Grow as we go Grow as we go I don't know who we'll become I can't promise it's not written in the stars But I believe that when it's done We're gonna see that it was better That we grew up together Tell me you don't wanna leave 'Cause if change is what you need You can change right next to me When you're high, I'll take the lows You can ebb and I can flow We'll take it slow And grow as we go Grow as we go Grow as we go Grow as we go

Maundy Thursday mandate

The Maundy Thursday derives its name from the Latin word mandatum, meaning the same as in English today... a mandate, a command, an order.  

And that mandate is simple and direct: To serve, with love.  

Most preachers and thinkers split hairs to explain the significance of the day.  Some state (as prescribed by the Church teaching) that there are three significant events of the day: the institution of the Eucharist, the institution of the Priesthood and the washing of the feet.  Unfortunately, that is what they have each become: institutions!! 

Personally I believe, the focus and directive is clear: Serve everyone, with much love.  And this is not a new commandment or directive the Lord is offering us on Maundy Thursday.  This is what he spoke and did all his life!!  This was actually his mission. While the ultimate MISSION was to make known God's love, this love was explicated and made tangible in service. So the MISSION is to love; and the mission is to serve. But there is no duplicity or multiplication here.  They are one and the same!  That's the mandate: To serve, with love! 

Most of us, especially religious, including myself, tend to do the first part of this mission; but very often and mostly do not strive for the actual mission or the greater purpose of this mission, namely to love.  We serve, but fail to love sufficiently! 

Therefore it is important to see everything and all things from this perspective. That love is the ultimate mission of every Christian, especially of a religious.  Once that decision to genuinely love is made, service automatically follows.  Unfortunately, love cannot be taught. It is caught; it is felt; it is experienced!  

Meaning of success

 Some interesting quotes from Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Kind," said the boy.

 

"What do you think success is?" asked the boy. 

"To love," said the mole. 

 

"What do you think is the biggest waste of time?"

"Comparing yourself to others," said the mole. 

 

"One of the greatest freedoms is how we react to things"

 

"Often the hardest person to forgive is yourself."

Tributes to one's dad

It has been a while now, since I came across these two songs... both of them about the figure of the father in the family, especially from the perspective of the child.  Two very beautiful and moving tributes to their respective Dads... Very very meaningful and heartfelt, deep from one's own personal experience. 

Jax - Like my father loves my mom

I wanna come home to roses, 

Dirty little notes on post-its

And when my hair starts turning grey,

He'll say I'm like fine wine, better with age.

I guess I learnt it from my parents,

that true love starts with friendship

A kiss on the forehead, a date night

fake an apology after a fight.

I need a man, who's patient and kind

Gets out of the car and holds the door

I wanna slow dance, in the living room like 

we're 18 at senior prom and grow old with someone 

who makes me feel young 

I need a man, who loves me like ...

my father who loves my mom! 

The other one is about a son expressing his anguish at his dad's serious illness. 

Dean Lewis - How do I say goodbye...

How do I say goodbye 

to someone who's been with me for my whole damn life 

you gave me name and the colour of my eyes

I see your face when I look at mine

So how do I say goodbye

Vocation

Everytime we speak of 'vocation' in our religious circles we most often mean 'vocation to priestly and religious life'.  It is as if vocation to married life or any other form of life is not a vocation.  When this partial outlook is pointed out we cover up saying that even they are vocations, but the former is the crowing of all vocations! 

However, I feel strongly convinced that unless and until we really understanding vocation in its universal and true sense, we will only be 'selling' vocation; doing recruitment rather than discernment.  As educators of the young, we are primarily called to help young people discover, discern and follow their vocation.  And every person's primary vocation is to love and be loved!  The vocational discernment is to help young people ask themselves basic questions about meaning and purpose of his or her life.  As long as we sincerely and passionately engage in this noble apostolate we are true to our own calling as Salesians. Otherwise we are only 'pedlars' or vendors of the Salesian career - all in the name of youth ministry and vocation promotion.  

The post youth synod apostolic exhortation by Pope Francis, Christus vivit no. 286 describes the great vocational question that every young person has to ask himself or herself as "for whom am I?"  This is more deeper and way too personal than merely asking oneself, "what am I to do?" or "who should I become?"

Love at the heart of forgiveness

At the heart of the sacrament of reconciliation is not forgiveness, but love.  The graces of forgiveness, mercy and transformation are essential and integral to the sacrament of reconciliation but if love does not form the central aspect of it, then the whole procedure turns out to be no better than a vending machine!  You put your sins in and out comes forgiveness!  What actually makes the whole process alive and relevant is love.  Love that God has for us.  Love that we have for God!  Our repentance is primarily because we have consciously offended someone we love.  God forgives is always available because he loves us.  

Jesus without profession

Reading a particular reflection on religious consecration, in the light of our religious profession on May 24, I came across the following passage:

Through consecration we follow Christ who was poor, obedient and chaste.  Jesus lived without possessions...  Jesus lived a chaste and celibate life...  Jesus obeyed his Father.  

Mistakenly I read the second sentence as 'Jesus lived without profession'.  As I continued reading, it occurred to me that I missed something.  So I read that para again.  It was only then that I realised I had misread.  However, that mistaken reading also made perfect sense.  Jesus never made a vow or solemn public to live poor, chaste and obedient.  Yet he was! 

This is the aspect we religious need to remember.  Our consecration is not merely because we said those words.  It is basically because we believe in living that kind of life.  We live our religious profession not as a consequence of a set of formulas or oaths, but as an outpouring of love.  The consecration is only a reminder - to ourselves.  Not a guarantee.  The fruitfulness of our consecration is not in repetition of those words of our profession daily or annually, but in our living out of a life full of love for God and all living beings. 

God HAS favourites

In one of his discussions, St Peter tells Cornelius and his household:

...God does not have favourites, but that anybody of any nationality who fears God and does what is right is acceptable to him. (Acts 10: 34)

But this is actually not right!  God does have favourites.  He is partial to some.  If he isn't, then it is not fair. Then history is all wrong.  God always had and will have favourites.  His favourites are the poor, the marginalised, those suffering and the destitute.  However, the fact that he has favourites does not mean he despises those whom he does not favour.  Certainly not.  He loves everyone; but those in need are closer to his heart! 

Like in a family, all children are loved by the parents.  However, if a child has special needs, the parents naturally have their eye specifically on that child more than the other children.  It is not that they love them more, but that they supplement what is deficient so as to help that particular needy child learn to cope up with life.  Parents love all their children, but those with special needs, get extra attention.

Love, God and others, as the essence

Post-resurrection there is a great interest in what the apostles have to say about the Christ.  People who had heard vague stories about Jesus, now hear directly from the apostles and are convinced of what they hear.  And so the obvious question: "What should we now do?"

Peter's reply, "Be baptised.  Repent for your sins and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." How did he and the early Christians zero in on this baptism?  That Peter was calling for repentance is understandable, since he attributed the death of Jesus to the Jews.  And therefore, the prescription for atonement for this sin, appears logical. Whatever way the Holy Spirit inspired them, the sorrow of Jesus' death and his absence would surely be part of their present state of mind. 

Am wondering what if Peter had responded to that zealous question of the Jews with a reply of this sort: "Love God and one another as Jesus taught and showed us!"  First things first!  Baptism initiates one into the Christian faith, but is not the cornerstone of Jesus' life and teaching.  If only we had really emphasised the essence of Jesus' message (love) from the beginning, we would have had less of rites and rituals and focussed more on our existing expression of love.  This is not to say that Christianity has not really trodden the path of love all these centuries.  It certainly and very visibly has.  Only that at times we have let the rubrics define what Christianity is rather than a genuine love - and this is mostly the fault of us, priests and religious!  

Parental love and concern

The day's first reading has Absolem being killed by Joab.  But when the news reaches David, who is himself in hiding from Absolem, for fear of his life, he is distressed.  In fact, the first question David asks the messenger, "How is young Absolem?"  Such is parental love.

Even when the child is engaged in evil deeds, the parent is always concerned for the well being of the child.  Even if that evil deed is the murder of one's own parents!  The classical parable of the soldier who is told by the emperor to prove his loyalty to him, by decapitating his own mother tells us of the same value.  On returning to the emperor with the decapitated head of his mother, the soldier stumbles and the mother's head, asks with great concern, "Are you hurt, my son?" 

As religious we may really never reach that level of concern and love for our children or young people - at least not all the time!  But unless we love them, we will never really want their good.  We may be serving our own egos but not their well being.  

Christian unity and intolerance

One of the biggest scandal the Church offers to the world is that of the divisions within.  For a body which has unity as one of its primary tenets, to be so splintered, the value of witness is certainly diminished.  Add to that, the fact that some of these splinter groups are archenemies of one another.  And still we claim to be Christians! 

The saint we commemorate today, St Josaphat was martyred not by anti-Christians, but 'faithful' followers of Christ!  It is indeed a strange paradox we comfortably live with: boldly preach in Christ's name and at the same time have no hesitation in killing someone - all in His name.  If only we take a moment to think, leave alone pray, we should be able to see our own religious idiosyncrasies.  But I guess, the very faith we profess often blinds us to see anything beyond that what we hold most precious. 

So good to ask myself, what is it that I hold in such high esteem that I would not sacrifice it for anything else?  And as a Christian, I ask myself: Is it my love for Christ or love for Christ? 

An alternative to the Golden Rule

During my year at Ramanthapur, on the day of my b'day, my family joined me and the community in the evening celebrations.  There was a grand cultural programme put up by the boys in the hall.  At one certain moment, my niece came over to me and sat on my lap.  I was sitting at the back of the whole group with my family.  One of the youngest boys, Ganesh (I still remember him well!) aged the same as my niece - 3 years - was sitting right in front of the whole group, closest to the stage.  He somehow noticed my niece on my lap.  There was a strange look on his face.  It was as if to say, if she can, why not I?  But that was also coupled with the knowledge (far ahead of his age) that he could not.  He turned back a couple of times to see if my niece was still sitting with me.  I very delicately led her back to a chair, beside me.

Later during the programme, when called upon the stage to cut the cake, my nephew and niece hopped along.  They are 'professional cake-cutters'! And they would never have missed this opportunity to cut the cake with me!  From the stage, I dared not look in Ganesh's direction.  And so I invited the whole batch of the youngest boys (Mamma Margaret home boys - we called them), all 21 or 22 of them, onto the stage to join me.  They didn't need a second invitation!

This incident flashed in my mind, the moment I read the article, offering an alternative to the Golden rule. The Golden Rule asks us to do unto others what I wish done to me!  The Chinese philosopher Mengzi, offers an alternative: Extend to the world, the love and reverence you already have for your parents and elders.  (How Mengzi came up with something better than the Golden Rule on Aeon).

The Golden Rule actually presumes an inherent self-love as primary to human nature, rather than love for others.  It basically asks one to transpose one's love for oneself, onto others.  Mengzi's alternative, rests on the basic premise that as human beings we naturally love others, especially our parents, relatives and elders in our immediate community.  While the goal of both the principles is the extended other, the starting point is distinct.  Mengzi's extension is based on the 'we' dimension rather than the 'I' perspective.  Two other distinctive characteristics, pointed out by the author Eric Schwitzgebel, of Mengzi's extension, also make great sense.  One, Mengzi's extension is a lesser/easier leap than the Golden Rule: from family-to-others rather than self-to-others.  Secondly, it in a way includes the starting point of the Golden Rule in as much as the extension can be applied to oneself.  If I want my dear ones to enjoy kindness and empowerment I can extend/apply it to myself too!

Care about me not because you can imagine what you would selfishly want if you were me. Care about me because you see how I am not really so different from others you already love.

Looking back at my interactive experiences with the boys at Ramanthapur, what guided me more than my love for myself, especially when it came to the younger ones, was my affection for Chris and Anet. After all, half of the boys were around the age of Chris.