Re-reading prayers

 Most often, I barely pay attention to the words of the psalms and canticles I pray during our lauds and vespers.  The recitation is clear and loud, but the meaning is barely dwelt upon or even considered.  I guess it has become a routine and therefore the recitation is more in terms of familiarity with the text than meaningful prayer. 

However, today there was Katrin with us for morning prayer.  I'm sure she never ever recited the lauds ever before and therefore offering her the breviary and indicating the prayers, I felt the need to read the text as if she were reading.  Virtually how it would be that she would understand the same words and phrases of the psalms and canticles, that I'm so used to reading so often.  

It was surprising to note that quite a few bits felt odd or even not contextual.  Perhaps even out of place or redundant.  At times it felt as if the words did not do justice or fell short of actually expressing the real feeling or sentiments. 

Nonetheless, an interesting experience it was! 

Thanksgiving rather than a petition

 Lord, stay with us! 

This was the theme of our recollection talk yesterday.  Drawing it sensibly from the passage of the Emmaus story and the numerous instances in the Bible, the talk highlighted the importance of this short but effective prayer: Lord, stay with us! Also a very very Salesian theme (accompaniment!). 

The talk also included the narration of an incident in the life of Mahatma Gandhi.  He was once travelling by train to Bhuvaneshwar to attend a rally.  He chose to travel in the general compartment, packed with people. Those accompanying him and others who knew him offered him a seat in that packed compartment.  A bulky man too entered soon after and noticed the extra space for this 'skinny man' - people out of respect dared not to cramp Gandhi and hence had made extra space for him.  This hefty man, not recognising Gandhi, was infact going to the same place to listen to Gandhi! They did interact a couple of minutes but not much.  Only on reaching the station and noticing the crowd gathered to welcome Gandhi, did he realise that he travelled a long distance beside the very man whom he wished to hear - without knowing and engaging in a conversation! 

Such is also our rapport with God.  While the prayer, 'Stay with us, Lord' is a very genuine and heartfelt prayer, I believe it is not always the right kind of prayer.  I believe, God is ALWAYS with us.  It is we who do not feel his presence.  Hence rather than ask Him to be with us, we ought to pray that we realise and cherish His presence.  From another perspective, more than a petition, the latter attitude or realisation is a prayer of thanksgiving: THANK YOU Lord, for being with me! 

Inadequacy of words

 I personally prefer to spend time in silence while in the Chapel.  Words and long prayers really don't offer me much of help.  But in silence and personal conversation, I find peace and great meaning.  

There is only so much that words can express.  Emotions and feelings often are on another level. The inadequacy of words is apparent all the more when the words and text are of someone else. While prayers and words of someone else often has a supportive character, they fall short of always being personalised.  I am unique and so is my context and life.  Hence it is very very difficult to match that with someone somewhere sometime and his or her life and context.  Sometimes even my own words feel insufficient or even obstructive. 

The best is that silence which does not easily let one be idle!  Silence in prayer has a totally different aura about it and the impact it has on oneself. 

 

Prayer and meaning - mismatch

 This particular thought occurred to me the first time when I was in the UK.  All of a sudden, when deeply engaged in reading the heavy philosophical texts as part of my study, it hit me that I was not really paying attention to what I was reading!  It was true that I wasn't distracted, or was not paying attention to the text I was reading, just that my mind was simultaneously busy with something else. 

I could conveniently read a text and still be gladly letting my mind think of something else altogether, without breaking the flow of reading. I tried if reading aloud helped me concentrate on the text, rather than let my mind be on something else and surprisingly I found that it was easier that silent reading!! 

I couldn't get my mind around this strange phenomenon that I noticed in myself and tried to see how and where could I have picked up this habit of disconnecting my eyes, mouth and mind! I soon found the source: during prayer! One day, sooner than later, it struck me that I was praying the breviary, the psalms, but my mind was elsewhere.  That's when it hit me that over the years, I've learnt to think of something totally unrelated to what I am reading - thanks to my community prayer moments!  I can confidently, in a loud and clear voice, read the psalms from the breviary, all the while thinking about my office work or plan a budget!  

Over the years I've tried to break this unhealthy habit, but with no success. I realise I've deeply imbibed it unconsciously, perhaps. 

A little help, please

Five-year old Jack was in the kitchen as his mother made supper.  She asked him to go into the store-room (the place where much of the provisions were stored) and get her a can of tomato soup. But li'l Jack didn't want to go in alone there and cried: "It's dark in there and I'm scared, Mamma" 

She asked again, and he persisted in his refusal. Finally she said, "Jack, look… there is nothing to fear in going to that store-room. Jesus will be in there, with you…" 

 The constant request and this assurance made Jack to walk hesitantly to the door and slowly open it. He peeked inside, saw it was dark, got all frightened and started to leave… … when all at once an idea came, and he said: "Jesus, if you're in there, would you, please, hand me that can of tomato soup?!"

The anecdote ends here.

But just to add a twist... Jack does get his request fulfilled and he gets a can of the soup, standing at the door. He is ecstatic. Runs back to the kitchen clutching the can like a trophy. And tells his mum what happened. What would mum have said?

Conversation with a stranger

 Two days ago I received a call from an unknown number. It was a lady on the other end of the call.  She introduced herself as a housewife, mother of two kids, living at one end of Hyderabad city.  She called because she wanted to enroll herself for some skilling course and procure some employment.  From her voice her desperation and need was evident.  I listened to her.  Asked her a few particulars about her location and educational qualification. Then based on the information gathered, I directed her to call one of our Dhisha units offering career guidance and job placement opportunities in Hyderabad. Also recommended that she visit the office and meet the Dhisha staff or coordinator to speak in person, since she lived not too far from there. Besides she could also see for herself if there was a course beginning at Tech Mahindra, which is right next door to the Dhisha office. 

She later texted me saying she wasn't able to get through to speak to the person whose contact I shared.  Then asking if there were any other possibilities or opportunities in Hyderabad itself.  I guided her as best as I could.  We texted back and forth over the next two hours, with her basically updated me. The last text hours later the same day was that there were no courses or programmes on offer through any of the people she contacted through my reference.  I had my hands full that day with a hundred and one other things and I couldn't right away offer her any further options. So I marked that whatsapp conversation as unread, to offer her a reply with some other options, in a day or two - when I could think of something.   

This afternoon she called me and stated that she joined a particular skill training course with MagicBus, very close to her residence - starting today.  And she began to thank me profusely.  At one point I told her, "It is I who need to thank you, for having the courtesy of informing me of this opportunity that has come your way. But why are you thanking me? Because I wasn't of any help to you." She replied, "Sir, your willingness to help me was a great blessing for me! That's why I'm calling back to inform you of this opportunity that I chanced upon." 

It has been quite sometime since I have had such an experience.  Some stranger getting back in touch with you, just to thank you for being with her in her time of desperation, for being concerned and willing to help... even though I wasn't really of any use to her. Right now, I'm thankful to God too, for I did say a prayer for her - that she would get help, because she needed it. That prayer was more out of my own guilt of being unable to extend her the help she needed, than anything else.  God bless her!  

Prayer

This morning we began the annual leaders meeting.  There were several aspects going through my heart and mind and I was aware that I was disturbed.  There were a couple of presentations, that I was mostly coordinating, and was anxious not knowing what actually the presenters will finally come up with or how they would put across the core ideas. Besides, I myself was handling a delicate topic and was anticipating trouble from some lousy participants ... and was itching to wring someone's neck!  But sense prevailed... or let me be honest in acknowledging God's help in understanding my own situation.  So I said this silent prayer and even wrote it down, right in the hall, in the midst of the preliminaries: 

Lord, let me say and do what builds and paves for growth or transformation, rather than assuage my hurt feelings or boost my own ego! 

At the end of the day, as I re-read the same prayer from my scribble pad, I sincerely THANK GOD for hearing my prayer! 

At the Syro-Malabar Mass

 This morning I attended a Syro-Malabar Mass. Yesterday was the funeral of the eldest brother of TD John and today they had the Mass.

This is perhaps the fourth or fifth Mass that I'm attending of this Oriental rite. Although fairly awake of the differences between the Oriental and Latin rite celebration of the Eucharist, what I noticed today is that the prayer of the faithful does not begin with the intention for the Pope, Bishop and clergy. Rather it is one of the last intention. In a rite that's highly hierarchical, it is surprising to see this order of intentions. But I'm certainly not complaining!!!

Then there are the altar servers. I think that role is only for the boys - and I wish I am wrong. But, oh boy, unlike the Catholic Mass, the altar servers have to be attentive all through. They serve in a much more involved manner than the Latin rite Mass. In fact, they have more practical roles and responsibilities during Mass than a Catholic deacon at the altar.

The Church (old and new) at the monastery at Elthuruth, Thrissur

Dreams and discernment

 Listening to the brief homily of the Mass of St Joseph, it struck me that Joseph received all his communication or 'instructuons' via dreams! He dreamt an angel telling him to take Mary as his wife. He was told in a dream to flee Jerusalem. He was informed in a dream to return from Egypt. He truly was a man of dreams!! And faith, to believe that what he saw in a dream was what was actually expected of him.

Then it also struck me, Don Bosco was a man of dreams! The number of dreams that full his biographies! So did Martin Luther King dream! And Abdul Kalam speak of his numerous dreams. 

All these great visionaries and leaders were guide by dreams. If course, not all of them would have been something they went through, at night lying flat in their bed. Yet these are the facts that drove them. That propelled their actions and their whole life.

Hence the confirmation of my prayer which Ive been praying more and more: 

Lord grant me the wisdom to discern Your will and the courage to live it, no matter the cost.

Echo prayer

 That community living and life is one of the most challenging components of religious life is a known fact.  For someone living it, knows this fact more tangibly.  

Even a simple and uncontroversial act of praying together, the moments of community prayer, can become a source of conflict or disagreement.  It is said that during the life of St Theresa of Child Jesus, she loved to pray in silence while in the Chapel.  But there seems to have been a companion of hers in the convent who sat close to her and invariably made odd noises or chewed her finger nails.  This irritated St Theresa very much; yet she smiled at her without any grudge or anger every time this companion distracted her. Taking that smile as a positive sign, the companion continued her mannerism thinking that Theresa liked it!!  

Our community speed of reciting the prayers can also be one great source of distraction and at times be irritating as well.  No matter how slow you recite the prayers, there is someone who always 'echoes' the prayer, meaning he is reciting it slower than you!!! So there is this perpetual echo during common prayers!  

At first I thought it is because of his poor eyesight that he is unable to read fast and is therefore repeating after all of us, but I soon realised that the 'echoing' is also for common prayers like the 'Our Father' as well!! So it is not about eyesight but a common sight! 

Nonetheless, at times I also find asking myself this question: If I'm so distracted by this 'echo prayer', how invested is my prayer in the person with and for whom I am praying?  

Thunder and lightening

 In our Salesian religious communities, the common community prayer moments are a dynamic in themselves.  Often they inadvertently reflect the level of community relationship and the vibe. 

In most communities, after the initial days of new members joining and the people getting used to one another, fall into sync in a couple of weeks.  The prayers, usually recited in two choirs, have their own rhythm and there is some sort of semblance, in most places.  

Nonetheless, there are some communities where there is always an orchestra on!  The prayer, even though recited, is in two voices!  There is sometimes one or two who are out of sync in their speed, if not in the words themselves.  Either someone recites so fast that by the time one is halfway through the verse, the other has ended the verse.  Or someone is so slow, that no matter how slow you recite, the other will still be slower!  Akin to thunder and lightening - never together, always one after the other! 

Some confreres have no clue or intention of modulating their voice as per the size of the group.  No matter how many in the Chapel, their volume is set. There are a select few who have a peculiar tone of ending the prayer or the verse; and some cartoons like me are more attuned to these handful of individuals and their comical sounds, drawing amusement from paying closer attention to these, than to God himself. 

Then there are those who pray so loudly that the one sitting next to them is the only one who can hear them - not sure if God himself is able to!  Worse is when such individuals make an intercessory prayer. The rest of the community either does not hear what he says or cannot follow what or whom he prayed for.  So invariably there is silence after he has concluded the prayer - unless the one sitting beside him (the only one for whom, something is audible), starts the common response, 'Lord, hear our prayer!'. And someone mockingly does not resist from responding, 'Lord, hear HIS prayer!'

At times, there are those who start a prayer, but in the news-reading mode.  More than a prayer, it is an update on the event or the person; and by the time he has concluded his lengthy prayer, even God would be confused as to what exactly to grant him, as per the request.  

Fervent prayers

 I'm just back from the Parish Mass.  As I sat silently after the recessional hymn (and the litany of prayers recited by some!), I could not but notice the number of women going around the various statues in the Church.  They would stop at each statue, touch its feet, say a prayer and move on.  This is a very very regular phenomenon one gets to view in practically any Church in India.  

However, what I noticed today - and most of the times - is the devotion and fervour with which these ladies were doing this 'rite'.  As they bowed their head in prayer, touching the feet of the statue, their minds and hearts were uttering a fervent prayer.  That fervour is all too evident on their faces.  Some even in desperation.  One cannot but feel it.  Witnessing this particular scene is no less spiritually enriching than any prolonged spiritual reading! 

And I can safely bet that atleast 95% of these prayers are for their own families, especially their children!  

God as fulcrum

 "Give me a lever and a fulcrum," said a man of science, "and I'll shift the world."  Archimedes wasn't talking to God, so his request wasn't granted; and in any case he was only thinking of the material world.  But the Saints really have enjoyed the privilege he asked for;  the fulcrum God told them to use was himself, nothing less than himself, and the lever was prayer.  Only it must be the kind of prayer that sets the heart of all on fire with love; that's how the Saints shift the world in our own day, and that's how they'll do it to the end of time."

[Therese of Lisieux, Autobiography of a Saint, translated by Ronald Knox (Collins: Fount Paperback, 1985), 246.

Psalm 16

Psalm 16

Preserve me, God, I take refuge in you. 

I say to the lord: 'You are my God.

My happiness lies in you alone.'

He has put into my heart a marvellous love

for the faithful ones who dwell in his land. 

Those who choose other gods increase their sorrows.

Never will I offer their offerings of blood.

Never will I take their name upon my lips. 

O Lord, it is you who are my portion and cup;

it is you yourself who are my prize.

The lot marked out for me is my delight:

welcome indeed the heritage that falls to me!

I will bless the Lord who gives me counsel, 

who even at night directs my heart.

I keep the Lord ever in my sight:

since he is at my right hand, I shall stand firm. 

And so my heart rejoices, my soul is glad;

even my body shall rest in safety. 

For you will not leave my soul among the dead,

nor let your beloved know decay. 

You will show me the path of life, 

the fullness of joy in your presence, 

at your right hand happiness for ever. 

Prayers and adjectives

 Attending Mass the other day in one of the convents, and listening to their commentaries and descriptions at various points of the Mass and even before and after, it occurred to me: the use of adjectives should be banned in formation houses and convents!!

This is not the first time that I have heard words and commentaries being abused to such an extent that very beautiful words sound horrible!! Of course, there are always occasions when the Mass or any event is celebrated beautifully with great reverence and just right amount of creativity.  But there are also occasions when there is an overdose of creativity and everything is exaggerated.  The emphasis is mistakenly placed on impression rather than devotion. Or as someone corrected me, that's their way of expressing devotion.  

I wonder if any of these people who wish to express their 'devotion' through such intricate frills (words, actions, events...) do the same with their own parents when they relate to them everyday, or even on special occasions. 

Devotion and reverence, especially for us religious, is not a decoration; it is our basic lifestyle! 

Glory and power

This morning for the morning prayer and meditation, there was this particular Psalm that we were reading personally.  The opening stanza reads thus: 

O give the Lord you sons of God, 

give the Lord glory and power... 

The first impression on reading this was a sense of diminishing oneself and exalting God, above and over oneself. It is as if God needs that sort of glorification and power and that we need to surrender that to Him.  The feeling was not very comfortable; that of giving up of oneself in order to merely increase His power and majesty.  

Nonetheless I continued reading the Psalm, and a few verses down this is what I read

The Lord will give strength to his people, 

the Lord will bless his people with peace. 

And what really hit me instantly was this great realisation that all the glory and majesty the Psalmist was exhorting us to surrender to God, for his sake, what apparently seemed to be self-negation for His luxury, is actually being utilised by God to empower me!! So all the glorification and praise and exaltation, is coming round to actually benefit us; benefit me!  

And of course, unless one is willing to undergo that act of diminishing oneself, of self-negation, of passing through the dark night of losing oneself, one cannot expect to be open to being strengthened by God.  To be blessed with peace, and even to cherish it, when one receives it, one must be willing to undergo the turmoil or uncertainty of oneself.  

God-experience over prayer

I do not have the answer to the question that I am asking myself but certainly I feel that there is something missing in our prioritisation and process of stressing on prayer and a meaningful prayer life. 

The insistence on prayer (especially community prayer) is a very common reminder that I have heard of since my initial years of formation and training.  Nonetheless, I fear that we have consistently misplaced our importance.  That we have put the cart before the horse. That we have missed stressing the core and have focused on the accidentals or sure by products.  

For me, the insistence and effort should be at offering our young people, our formees and certainly ourselves, a profound personal God-experience.  A sincere thirst, a passion for God.  Now how exactly do we do that, I have no magic formulas.  But if I truly taste God and have an experience of him, no matter how fleeting or far-in-between my many days on earth, I will find may own ways of staying in touch with him, relishing him.  Prayer, attendance at the Eucharist, partaking in the sacraments, will all happen by default thereafter.  

Aim big, achieve big. Dream small, achieve small!  Certainly God-experience is no small aim. 

Whistle before the Hail Mary

Don Bosco's passion of working for the abandoned and vagabonds of Turin gets going in the sacristy of the church, on 8 December 1841. Don Bosco, while vesting for Mass, hears the sacristian chasing out a poor frightened boy who had sneaked into the sacristy to stay warm.  He calls the boy back and initiates a conversation, only to get single word terrified answers, until the question, "Do you know to whistle?"

I can imagine the joy on the face of this boy when he hears a question to which he has a joyful answer!!  I'm sure Don Bosco too would have whistled with him (although it is not recorded anywhere!).  But it is only after the whistle did they pray the Hail Mary (with Bartholomeo Garelli, reciting after Don Bosco). 

Wonder if Don Bosco had insisted on beginning everything with a prayer, where would we Salesians be - if at all, we did come to be! 

God as a living person

 In the book Mister God, this is Anna, there is an interesting episode - among the many - where Fynn tucks little Anna into bed and ...

"Ain't you gonna say your prayers?" she asked. "Well, yes," I replied, "when I get to bed." "I want say mine now with you," she said. So we both god down on our knees and she talked while I listened. 

I've been to church many times, and heard many prayers, but none like this. I can't remember much about her prayer except that it started off with, "Dear Mister God, this is Anna talking," and she went on in such a familiar way of talking to Mister God that I had the creepy feeling that if I dared look behind me he would be standing there.

It is that familiarity and closeness with which Anna 'speaks' to God that caught my attention.  God, for her, was not a distant reality or a supernatural being to be adored.  For her, God was alive and present, in person, for real and therefore addressed and spoken to as if present here and now. 

I wonder how many of us will ever reach this stage of life, this personal experience of God.  

Experience of God vs attendance at prayer

 Continued insistence on attendance at community prayer has been done for ages.  How far have we reached with that?  Perhaps we haven't really become men of prayer or men of God, because we have aimed low, staggeringly low! Even that regular attendance is not achieved! 

Ask for something, you get nothing.  Ask for much, you get everything! 

Therefore aim for a personal experience of God.  Draw up corresponding lines of action (I understand, attendance at prayer is one of them).  If one does have an experience of God, daily attendance will happen by default.