For quite sometime now I have been missing Mass and prayers in the morning. There is the travel and all that fatigue. But there are also times when I just don't get up in the morning. Sometimes it is the alarm that doesn't ring - strange, but true. But mostly it is my lethargy that prevents me from getting my arse out of bed!
However, does my work suffer? Not at all! In fact, I am known work-alcoholic and I am one! So working late into the night is a regular feature. In that sense, I'm more of an owl than the early morning bird. So the work part of my responsibility is quite taken care of. Then what/why is it that I'm talking about? Why is it that I'm not comfortable about it?
Because it does matter! I may be putting in more hours of work, but the quality of my apostolate is questionable. The point is this: If I'm not keen about making it to the Chapel in the morning; being part of the Holy Mass, then there is someone or something that has taken the place of Jesus. Not that I do not love Jesus or that I deny his presence, it is just that I love something more than Jesus. Therefore my time, energy, resources, interests, are invested accordingly. The logic is simple: where my heart is there will all my efforts be.
This is one realisation of my retreat. I love my work, more than the Lord himself! I'm working for work sake, to fulfil a responsibility. Not for His sake. But I wish to regain and cherish that love for Jesus. I wish to attend Mass and be present for morning prayers and meditation, not for fulfilling the attendance, but because I love Jesus and prefer to be with him. I wish to spend time with him. That, and that alone, should be my reason.
So help me, Jesus!
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