Prayer

This morning we began the annual leaders meeting.  There were several aspects going through my heart and mind and I was aware that I was disturbed.  There were a couple of presentations, that I was mostly coordinating, and was anxious not knowing what actually the presenters will finally come up with or how they would put across the core ideas. Besides, I myself was handling a delicate topic and was anticipating trouble from some lousy participants ... and was itching to wring someone's neck!  But sense prevailed... or let me be honest in acknowledging God's help in understanding my own situation.  So I said this silent prayer and even wrote it down, right in the hall, in the midst of the preliminaries: 

Lord, let me say and do what builds and paves for growth or transformation, rather than assuage my hurt feelings or boost my own ego! 

At the end of the day, as I re-read the same prayer from my scribble pad, I sincerely THANK GOD for hearing my prayer! 

Self-discovery vs Self-awareness

Today I realised there a difference between self-discovery and self-awareness.  Not that I really thought much about self-discovery in comparison to the latter, but I presumed that one is more or less the same.  

As a matter of fact, both self-discovery and self-awareness are related; although not the same. Self-discovery is more as of now, today, here and now; while self-awareness is forward looking, in as much as it is future oriented, not stuck with today. 

Self-discovery has much to do with facts and affects (feelings, emotions, moods); whereas, self-awareness helps one influence choices, relationship and a whole lot of stuff, when one moves beyond the facts and affects.  The latter leads to changes and is transformative; while the former is intellectual.  

Self-discovery answers the question: Why am I who I am? 

Self-awareness responds to: What am I now/later meant to be? 

Does or Is

We find it reasonable and easy to answer certain direct questions about things we see around us.  But the same ease and rationale fails us when we ascend further to the domain of persons and non-material realities. 
Why does this biscuit exist?
Why does this bulb exist?
Why does this car exist?
Why does this building exist?
Why does this office exist?
Why do I exist?
Why does the world exist?
Why does anything exist at all?
Note the increasing difficulty in answering the above set of questions. Why so?

The more distanced and uninvolved we stay, the easier to answer.  The more intimate and involved we get, the more difficult it gets to answer.

Gets us back to 'know thyself'.  Same with language. 

Perhaps we have been answering the wrong question all along: instead of answering what it IS we have been answering what it DOES.  We have been answering 'what does language do?' rather than 'What IS language?'.  We have equated DOES and IS.

Perhaps we don't have an access point beyond 'does'.  To answer, 'is' we need to get out of language.  (Do we?) And there is no 'getting out of language'.

Diversifying syllabus

One of the presenters at the Symposium on Diversifying curriculum in the multi-cultural context of the UK, spoke of their department's attempt to understand that there are nuances in this endeavour.  She pointed out that to

• democritize - to go beyond the elite
• diversity - go beyond the white
• decentralize - go beyond the Western
• decolonize - involve local experience and have a multi-dimensional approach, or in the least be critical of prevailing popular sources

It was interesting to note that, in the context of teaching history, she stated that doing one does not automatically mean doing all the other too!

As I listened to the various points spoken about, I felt how greatly philosophy, a subject dealing with critical outlook, can help in this endeavour.  That philosophy content itself needs to be filtered through these biases, is a task not less important!

There were also proposals of how we can ask and get the students to suggest authors or ideas they wish to discuss form a small portion (perhaps the concluding part) of the lecture series.  Thus their preferences or likes of their own background or interest could resonate in the curriculum.  Another aspect was a thorough review of the sources, especially primary sources, cited as part of the reading for a particular course undertaken.

Besides the points I gathered from the symposium, I thought the aspect of a conscious and continuous process of self-awareness regarding the biases and perspectives from which I, the educator, carries out the task of teaching (and learning), forms a very fundamental aspect of this diversification.  It could be as simple as being conscious of the vocabulary that I use, the examples I quote, the authors or ideas I refer to... This personal awareness does go a long way in creating a sensitive and inclusive classroom ambiance, especially with regard to the syllabus.  

Aware of being in his presence

It is not just the teenagers of today's modern era who have suicidal tendencies.  Even Elijah, the prophet of the Old Testament, too had similar thoughts.

This is enough, O Lord! Take my life, for I am no better than my fathers.

However the angel comes and offers him food and commands him to eat.  The reading concludes with the statement

He got up, ate and drank; then strengthened by that food, he walked forty days and forty nights to the mountain of God, Horeb.

Well it might be true that it is the food that sustained him on his journey to the mountain.  But it was something more that actually moved him, besides the food.  It was the assurance that God was with him.  The assurance that he still had something to do and that he was not useless.  It is this awareness of God watching him and the mission that he is to carry out that gets Elijah up and going.  He later encounters God (in the gentle breeze) and that strengthens his resolve to carry on.

Most often, in our low moments when we do not see anything we do or say as worthwhile, God assures us, in His own ways, that we are precious and useful. Mere awareness of being in His presence is a great motivator and energizer.

Awake or dreaming

Came across the source of the popular anecdote about consciousness and reality, at the British museum yesterday.  Butterflies symbolise happiness and longevity and are associated with the Daoist conundrum of whether or not life is an illusion.  Zhuangzi (about 369 BC - 286 BC) pondered ...

Once I dreamt I was a butterfly... I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was myself. Soon I awoke , and there I was, myself again.  Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man.

Need garbage

Ever heard of a country running short on garbage... Sweden just has! Read this.

I was intrigued when I read that Sweden is now importing garbage from other countries. Really?  Then I read the article and was in awe.  Not so much about the sophisticated and complex recycling or garbage disposal process, but most particularly that less than  1% of its household waste has been directed to the landfill.  Now that's amazing.

I suppose it takes more than just a handful of environmentalists or politicians to achieve that.  To get the country's whole population to really be in sync with nature and the surrounding environment is indeed a great achievement.  Understandably the population of Sweden is much less than most of the individual states in India, nonetheless to achieve this high level of awareness and community action, people need to be conscientized and convinced.

The dancing millipede

Fr T.D. John, during the three day training programme in Ramanthapur shared an interesting and amusing story.  He was speaking in the context of being at home and free, like children.

There was a dance competition organised and all multi-legged creatures were the competitors. One particular millipede was really at its best.  It really loved to dance and it was a joy to see it perform on stage.  Other competitors were jealous of it.  One particular centipede then went up to the millipede and asked a simple question:  "While dancing does you 154 foot know what your 793 foot is doing?" The millipede really did not have a clue as to what to answer.  During the next round of dance, the millipede was so self-conscious that it did not make it to the next round.

At times becoming self-conscious is really not beneficial. Self-awareness is good, but not being too self-conscious.  Children, on the contrary, are spontaneous. That's why they do amazing things.

Why am I here?

Fr Maliekal, is trying hard to get the Brothers to write a sort of 'application' for their continuation or admission for the next year, akin to the Salesians writing one seeking admission or renewal of their temporary vows. Brothers do not really get what he is asking for since they have never done such a thing before.  However, his intention of coaxing them to write down this small note is very very beneficial. It tells them to see for themselves where they stand in their vocational journey, their motivations, their reasons, their passion or lack of it...

I distinctly remember writing my own application forms - that's because I've written as many as 9 of them in as many years! While most of my companions would merely copy the sample given to us or preserved by them from their seniors, some of us would come up with our own script.  However, we would be told more than once to include certain key phrases and sentences. But I always remember this exercise as a personal reminder of what I'm here for.

The Brothers now face the difficulty of now knowing what to write.  More than a matter of text, for most of them, it is a matter of lack of content!  Very many of them are here in the flow, not necessarily by a definitive choice that they made or are willing to review, if they ever made one.  If pressed, they come up with very glossy and highly spiritual statements - the meaning or depth of which they have settled in for something very very petty/shallow but would never look beyond it nor let themselves be challenged to review the same. 

Chapter concludes

Our Provincial Chapter concluded yesterday.  Of the four chapter that I attended so far, this was quite relaxed and smooth (the one in Guwahati was of a different kind altogether!). Thathi indeed did a very commendable job as the Moderator. A basic summary of the events and deliberations is here. My presence in the group discussing the 'Mystics of the Spirit' theme was greatly enriching.  Perhaps a better picture emerged only towards the end of the second day. Whatever it be, I realised how shallow we are in our faith, spirituality and sanctity. Worse still we fight tooth and nail to blatantly deny it!

I, for one, would like to graduate from the initial level of awareness to deeper reflection and effect change in my life-style.  

Defining corruption

Justice is intrinsically related to love. This is a proven fact. But that it is also very intricately related to truth is something that needs to be understood. The recent movement started by the social activist Anna Hazare to put a policy in place to curb corruption is a very novel one. That there is rampant corruption at every level of administration is a known fact and one to which most of us are resigned to. So when such a zealous activist takes up the cudgels against corruption, it naturally attracts attention and is surely going to do much good for the common man. Of course, every one to whom it is beneficial will find a way of making this work for his/her own good.

I was only trying to define corruption. The Oxford dictionary states thus:

the process by which a word or expression is changed from its original state to one regarded as erroneous or debased

It was only then it struck me that there is something more that is linked to justice than love. If justice is denied it is injustice. But what if justice has not been denied but the facts leading to the principles on which justice is claimed are manipulated. Hence according to me corruption is nothing but creating a wedge between truth and justice.

Climate issues, awareness and action!

Last night we managed to finally make it for 2012. It was worth it (minus the a/c which was on full blast and we three of us there we perhaps the only ones in the theatre with no warm clothing!). All the same the movie was good. Roland Emmerich, the director is really specialising in this genre! I enjoyed his other movie, The day after tomorrow too.

Coming in the time when the world leaders are discussing the climate change and related issues at Copenhagen, the movie has special significance. Though I would have loved that the movie make explicit the insensitivity of the human race in contributing to the destruction of the earth, (more than the heroism of one man to save his family), I appreciate the way it is envisaged. The ethical element of who would survive too is a very crucial and delicate issue touched upon. Adrien, the scientist makes a very powerful statement towards the end: The moment we stop fighting for each other, that's when we lose our humanity. We need to wake up to the serious threat of the ecological crisis we are contributing towards. Hope by the time we are aware, we still have time for action!