During the last lap of Jesus' journey on earth there are two people, both among his closest group, who deny him. There is Judas who innocently asks, "Surely, not I Lord?" during the Last Supper to Jesus' statement of one betraying him. Then there is Peter who denies Jesus thrice - after vehemently affirming his loyalty to Jesus. At least Peter did not deny Jesus on his face.
However, both repent. Judas feels sorry and approaching the Jews, returns the 30 pieces of silver, in exchange for Jesus. Peter repents and weeps bitterly. Both realise that what they did was not in conformity to what Jesus would have wanted them to do. Both try to make amends. The only difference is that Peter felt strong enough to live with his mistakes, in the hope that he would be accepted by his fellow companions - and most importantly, by Jesus. Jesus knew that he would betray, but did not condemn him. On the other hand, Judas did not have anyone to turn to. He felt he had let down everyone and none would now accept him - not even the Lord. He dies alone, or rather he dies a very pathetically lonely death. He decided for himself that no one would give him a second chance. And the ones whom he approached (the Jews) only mocked him. Jesus, his main victim, was beyond his reach now.
In that sense, his agony was greater than that of Peter. His was an agony of loneliness. The same loneliness that led to Jesus sweating blood in the garden of Gethsemane. The same loneliness that made Jesus cry out 'God, my God, why have you abandoned me?' If only were Judas to admit his guilt to someone, we'd have another excellent model of human weakness overcome!
However, both repent. Judas feels sorry and approaching the Jews, returns the 30 pieces of silver, in exchange for Jesus. Peter repents and weeps bitterly. Both realise that what they did was not in conformity to what Jesus would have wanted them to do. Both try to make amends. The only difference is that Peter felt strong enough to live with his mistakes, in the hope that he would be accepted by his fellow companions - and most importantly, by Jesus. Jesus knew that he would betray, but did not condemn him. On the other hand, Judas did not have anyone to turn to. He felt he had let down everyone and none would now accept him - not even the Lord. He dies alone, or rather he dies a very pathetically lonely death. He decided for himself that no one would give him a second chance. And the ones whom he approached (the Jews) only mocked him. Jesus, his main victim, was beyond his reach now.
In that sense, his agony was greater than that of Peter. His was an agony of loneliness. The same loneliness that led to Jesus sweating blood in the garden of Gethsemane. The same loneliness that made Jesus cry out 'God, my God, why have you abandoned me?' If only were Judas to admit his guilt to someone, we'd have another excellent model of human weakness overcome!
