The sin of the prodigal son

 In the parable of the prodigal son, the younger son after his departure from the house and squandering the property inheritance, comes to his senses and says, "I've sinned against God and my father...!" 

This morning it struck me: What exactly was his sin?  Why did he feel that he has 'sinned' against God? Against his father, I'm willing to understand that he 'sinned'. Although asking for his share of the property is no sin; immature behaviour or lapse of judgement, at the most.  But no sin.  So, then, what was he repentant about, that too to God? 

After much thought and prayer, it struck me.  Hard and fast. It was when I placed myself in his shoes - that wasn't too difficult to do.  And that's when it occurred to me, the sin of which the younger son was aware of, was him pushing away God and his own father from his life. Shutting out God and his father, from himself.  That's the sin.  Denying oneself of the love and concern, of God and the father, and striking out alone, by oneself - that's the shortcoming.  

The famine, the hunger, the pigs, the poverty... all of that was incidental.  Happened to be.  I'm sure, even without these sufferings and struggles, the young man would have sooner or later realised this sin of denying oneself of God's love, of his own fathers love.  Even in his abundance he would have discovered the deficit!  Maybe difficult or late, but for sure.  I say so with confidence, because I know. I feel.   I'm not facing any hardship or great struggle right now.  Yet I feel myself shrivelling. Just, not feeling comfortable.  Something's not right.  It's like watching the rain, up close, and feeling sorry or bad about not dancing in it.  And who's preventing me? Myself! 

Furthermore, even if his request to his father for taking him in merely as a hired servant, and not as his son, were to have been granted, the youngster would have been mighty thrilled.  Just to be in the company of his father, he would do anything.  He would have gladly accepted looking after the pigs of the father, as long as he knew that he was in his father's presence.  The father, on the other hand, even if he were to have accepted him back into the household only as a servant, would never have ill-treated him or looked down on him or even held a grudge for wasting his hard-earned money.  That's the confidence of the father in his love for his child and his upbringing.  (On a side note, I don't think the father would be harsh or disrespectful towards any of his staff or workers!!). 

This is again the insight that connects me to the interpretation of the sacrament of reconciliation that I heard John Dickson speak about to the boys and girls preparing themselves for the sacrament of confirmation at Addlestone, years ago.  The starting point of the sacrament of reconciliation is not awareness or acceptance of my weakness or sins.  It is actually the love of the Father!!  I cherish the love of the Father and therefore approach the sacrament knowing He is merciful.  It is love and not guilt or shame or fear that should move me to confession.  If love is not the starting point, then even after my confession, I'll still feel guilty and sad.  Because my starting point and the whole focus of my approach to the sacrament is myself; not God.  My sin and not God's love and mercy.  This does not discount my need to be repentant. But merely shifts the whole emphasis on God's love and mercy as the most important aspect.