Generous and abundant

Fr Peter arrived at Chertsey on Tuesday evening, after a fortnight at home in Slovakia.  I picked him up at the airport.  When we reached home from the airport he wanted to put some things he brought from home in the fridge.  As I helped him I noticed, half his suitcase was filled with snacks - varieties of them, in abundance!  And he generously unloaded it all in the kitchen. The last time he returned from home, it was the same.

That's typical of people from the rural areas, especially a mother - generous and in abundance!  Most of those from the urban areas don't sufficiently understand and appreciate this gesture.  All that hard work, forethought, and love, especially for people she has never met, seen or known... She knows that her son will never manage to eat all of that stuff, all by himself, even if he gorged on them alone for a month!  It is her generosity and love, not just for her son but for all those whom the son loves.  

Strategic Planning: Skill or values

While we listened to a couple of young people  (two ladies, a tribal, a migrant, and a student) and their take on growth and development, I couldn't but take note of one word which practically all of them used, often repeatedly!

 ... mainstream

Most of those who spoke were not from Bangalore but all of them explicitly stated that they'd settle down in Bangalore itself.

I could not resist the itch and asked the assembly thereafter:
Are we Salesians comfortable with someone, especially a tribal youth, rural youth, calling urban life and lifestyle “mainstream”? Young people move out of their rural, tribal settings for education is fine. But are we fine with them never turning back to their origins… fascinated and comfortable with the city life? I understand some youngsters staying back in the city after the completion of their education or learning a skill. But most?? What exactly have we done with them? Educated them or Urbanised them? More profoundly, made them better human beings or smart technicians/educated professionals?

From another perspective: Get young people out of their living context in the name of offering them education/skill and then they get so acclimatized to the city that they prefer to stay back, making them migrants. Are we playing both ways while speaking of or reaching out to the 'migrants'?

We offer the young an education, a skill but do we also offer them values? If we do so, what exactly are those values? Do those values impact society or are they something so personal that the impact does not go beyond the self?

Marriage business

Our dhobi who comes regularly on all days of the week except the day agreed and decided upon by both of us, is these days never to be seen. So much so, the other day Fr Maliekal when on his walk, happened to run into him, caught him and got him to the Seminary to meet me and stand explanation as to why he was missing in action for so long. He had only one sheepish reply, "Pelli season Brother!" (Marriage season, Brother!).  I asked him what connection is there between marriage and his profession. I was told that one of the most highly paid person for the marriage function is the washerman.  I'm still to get the full and real details, but he himself told me that he gets anywhere between Rs 2,000 to Rs 3,000 for one wedding function.  And if you're thinking that he is working or washing clothes, you're wrong! That is his remuneration for attending the wedding!!!!

From all that I've gathered so far about this and other aspects related to marriages in rural India, especially in this part of the state, one thing is sure:  everyone gains, except for one family. No prize for guessing which one, though!  They lose their life savings, their future prospects, financial backing, land, property, ornaments and what's more, their beloved daughter too. And is there anything they gain? Oh yes! Debts (with heavy interests for long duration) and loose talk of the villagers about some minor want in the celebrations (yeah, that one is free, for certain!). 

Marriage woes, even otherwise

Being the first of the month, I distributed the salaries for the staff and did spend quite some time talking to them just about anything.  One of the main points for discussion or you might call it a debate was the point of dowry, marriages and caste system.  I was surprised to hear from the kitchen staff that not only is dowry given away when a daughter is married off, the parents of the girl have also to give a portion of the dowry for the boys' sister, if any!  That would be to say that the bride's family has to pay not only money for the bride but also for her new sister-in-law!  Gosh!

And if there are a couple of marriages in the villages, everyone - literally, everyone! - in the village, and more especially those closely related to the families are all bankrupt that month.  Reason: the gift they OUGHT to offer at the wedding function.  This is kept record of and when there is a marriage in the visitors family, the one now receiving has to pay something MORE than what was given to them!  And so if there are more than 4 wedding functions that a family has to attend in a month, the 'gift' would drain their whole month's salary! And if there is a fifth one, they'll borrow and 'gift' the amount!  While the staff resented this whole procedure, none would try to break this vicious circle - all for fear of what 'they would say'.  ... the same rationale is given for all matters concerning inter-caste marriages, dowry, girl-child atrocities.

Having heard, spoken and debated with them at length, I only said aloud, "Thank God, I was not born in Gollalapalem (their village), and not as a female!"

Always welcome and at home!

This evening I saw some of the children of the neighbouring school come to the Seminary to meet Fr Rector. Since they found me at the entrance and seeing that I was not working but 'supervising' they concluded that I had to be a 'Father'... that's how they wished me! (Clever and observant, they are!)

Well on knowing that Fr Rector was away and would be back late in the evening they decided to come tomorrow. Just as they wished me goodbye, an auto packed with people stopped at the seminary gate. Immediately some of those children who did not have cycles, 'disappeared' in what till then was a perfectly packed auto! I just stained a bit to see where exactly did these children manage to squeeze in and I was surprised to see that all the passengers made place for these new entrants. I guess they (every one in the auto, including the drive) were from the same village and they certainly did not mind a few more passengers, and most certainly, not children!

The children were perfectly welcome and on their part were totally at home, even if it meant a tightly packed ride back home!