Marriage business

Our dhobi who comes regularly on all days of the week except the day agreed and decided upon by both of us, is these days never to be seen. So much so, the other day Fr Maliekal when on his walk, happened to run into him, caught him and got him to the Seminary to meet me and stand explanation as to why he was missing in action for so long. He had only one sheepish reply, "Pelli season Brother!" (Marriage season, Brother!).  I asked him what connection is there between marriage and his profession. I was told that one of the most highly paid person for the marriage function is the washerman.  I'm still to get the full and real details, but he himself told me that he gets anywhere between Rs 2,000 to Rs 3,000 for one wedding function.  And if you're thinking that he is working or washing clothes, you're wrong! That is his remuneration for attending the wedding!!!!

From all that I've gathered so far about this and other aspects related to marriages in rural India, especially in this part of the state, one thing is sure:  everyone gains, except for one family. No prize for guessing which one, though!  They lose their life savings, their future prospects, financial backing, land, property, ornaments and what's more, their beloved daughter too. And is there anything they gain? Oh yes! Debts (with heavy interests for long duration) and loose talk of the villagers about some minor want in the celebrations (yeah, that one is free, for certain!). 

Marriage woes, even otherwise

Being the first of the month, I distributed the salaries for the staff and did spend quite some time talking to them just about anything.  One of the main points for discussion or you might call it a debate was the point of dowry, marriages and caste system.  I was surprised to hear from the kitchen staff that not only is dowry given away when a daughter is married off, the parents of the girl have also to give a portion of the dowry for the boys' sister, if any!  That would be to say that the bride's family has to pay not only money for the bride but also for her new sister-in-law!  Gosh!

And if there are a couple of marriages in the villages, everyone - literally, everyone! - in the village, and more especially those closely related to the families are all bankrupt that month.  Reason: the gift they OUGHT to offer at the wedding function.  This is kept record of and when there is a marriage in the visitors family, the one now receiving has to pay something MORE than what was given to them!  And so if there are more than 4 wedding functions that a family has to attend in a month, the 'gift' would drain their whole month's salary! And if there is a fifth one, they'll borrow and 'gift' the amount!  While the staff resented this whole procedure, none would try to break this vicious circle - all for fear of what 'they would say'.  ... the same rationale is given for all matters concerning inter-caste marriages, dowry, girl-child atrocities.

Having heard, spoken and debated with them at length, I only said aloud, "Thank God, I was not born in Gollalapalem (their village), and not as a female!"

The educated and dowry

This afternoon I received another invitation for a marriage in a nearby village (not that I know anyone in the family - not a single person - but the fact that I'm on the staff of the seminary, I get one card by default!). Anyway, later while talking about it at table, it was stated that the dowry being paid by the girl is 4 lakhs!! That too she is better educated that the groom!! The worst is that both of them are teachers!! Now if this is the state of life and principles of educators, what better can we expect of simple ordinary folks? While for me this was the most idiotic thing in this episode, someone else found the fact that the girl (a catholic) getting married to a Hindu, very irritating. That for me bears no significance at all in the context of the former.

Well, I guess perspectives matter and they are different even for the same context and content. I still am wondering what would the couple be teaching children in the school about social values and principles. And God forbid, if they are social studies teachers!!

Bravery not cowardice

Every day the newspaper of the Vizag edition has news about a suicide death related to dowry or harassment. Today was one of a 23 year old lady who set herself ablaze with her 11-day old baby girl. Sheer cowardice!! I would say, she should have set fire to her husband. That would have been an act of bravery. At least there would be another scoundrel less on this earth, rather than two innocent lives.