Values

Another interesting insight about cultural differences in the East and West from my discussion with Br Vlastik.  We were talking about hierarchy, values and culture.  It is not always that we have different values.  Mostly it is difference in prioritization of values.

For example, here in the West, personal happiness takes precedence over and above family ties.  Hence the large number of divorces, remarriages and sexual liberty.  When a man and woman marry each other, and if they do reach a point in their life together at which they feel that their personal happiness is threatened by their marital bond, then they would prefer to go separate ways than sacrifice happiness.  In the Asian culture, family unity is considered of greater importance than personal happiness.  Hence even when a married couple realises that living together is nothing short of hell, they'd still stay together.  Most often it is the woman who bears the most in our culture.  But everyone tries to retain the marital bond than break it for personal fulfillment.

Naturally someone from the East will find the high rate of divorces and breakup in the West shocking, those in the West are shocked how couples live together even if both are not really happy in the marriage!  For a Westerner looking at an Indian wife spending her whole life taking care of the house, husband and children is 'atrocious'.  For the Indian wife she feels complete when she holds the family together, even if that means she is a full time housewife.

The Hindi movie Ki & Ka comes to mind in this context.  It rightly draws one's attention to the role of the man and woman in the house, in a marriage, especially in the Indian context.

Another scene with an interesting insight into relationships and roles in family life...

The Samaritan Woman

The Samaritan Woman is an epitome of a real model for evangelization. Here is my take on her being a model:

• She was willing to shed her prejudice and fears about the Jews (an unapproachable entity, then... and for us it would be the Lord).
• Most importantly, she experienced Jesus first-hand. She did not rely on someone else's experience... not experience of an experience but a direct personal and intimate experience of the Lord Himself.  Only then did she venture out and testify for Him to others. 
• She joyfully introduced Jesus to the others of her village. 
• Once she did introduce Him to the other Samaritans, she took a back seat. She claimed no privileges or special praise for her role in acquainting Jesus and the other Samaritans. She let them have their personal space and time, which rightfully and conclusively led the others to say, "... not because you said so, but because we experienced it for ourselves!"

Why didn't he?

Jesus, as we all know very well, broke many conventional and traditional laws of the Jewish culture. Of course, he did so to prove a point or to get back to the spirit of the law.  However why didn't He break the male hierarchy or domination?  Though he did make a few dents... speaking with the Samaritan woman, forgiving the woman caught in adultery, making Mary Magdalene His first emissary... he never really 'effectively' made the point.  Perhaps, if He were to have chosen among his apostles even one woman, it would have made a world of difference to the whole understanding of the gender balance.

Well one could always list a hundred and one things Jesus could have done or done differently, but on my short personal list, this one counts. 

A proper attitude towards women

Though not very keenly but I did follow the news about Nirbhaya, India's new-found braveheart, who breathed her last after being raped and brutalized last month.  It was sad to hear her pass away... sadder still is the news that keeps trickling in.  The initial fervour of stronger action and tougher laws as protection and equal dignity to women is now being diverted to fights and blame-games between media, police, laws, ministers and the medical fraternity. While I hope something worthwhile and truly noble emerges out of this whole tragic incident... that Nirbhaya's struggle for life will have brought about something substantial for those still undergoing the trauma, is my hope.

Initially I was skeptical of all the protests and candle-lit vigils held in Delhi. But when I saw that the protests continued also on the midnight of December 31, I was all praise for those young and old braving the cold and the temptation to forget it all and just celebrate the new year!

As for me, I strongly believe that more than law and patrolling, it is a proper attitude towards women in our families that will help our society.  In a culture where boys are preferred (in every sense of the word and for all matters, except that of doing household chores!) girls too need to be treated with equal dignity and respect.  Only when children, and subsequently young men and adults begin to see women as another human being, as a person with feelings, sentiments, hopes, desires and dignity, will this sort of upmanship and violence end.

And as someone rightly pointed out, violence against women is caused not by anger against them, but is in fact, a response (of men) to our incapacity to be able to respond to situations better than women. Hence instead of accepting the fact that women do compliment us and are in certain fields better than men, use the muscle power and 'subdue' them. 

Marriage woes, even otherwise

Being the first of the month, I distributed the salaries for the staff and did spend quite some time talking to them just about anything.  One of the main points for discussion or you might call it a debate was the point of dowry, marriages and caste system.  I was surprised to hear from the kitchen staff that not only is dowry given away when a daughter is married off, the parents of the girl have also to give a portion of the dowry for the boys' sister, if any!  That would be to say that the bride's family has to pay not only money for the bride but also for her new sister-in-law!  Gosh!

And if there are a couple of marriages in the villages, everyone - literally, everyone! - in the village, and more especially those closely related to the families are all bankrupt that month.  Reason: the gift they OUGHT to offer at the wedding function.  This is kept record of and when there is a marriage in the visitors family, the one now receiving has to pay something MORE than what was given to them!  And so if there are more than 4 wedding functions that a family has to attend in a month, the 'gift' would drain their whole month's salary! And if there is a fifth one, they'll borrow and 'gift' the amount!  While the staff resented this whole procedure, none would try to break this vicious circle - all for fear of what 'they would say'.  ... the same rationale is given for all matters concerning inter-caste marriages, dowry, girl-child atrocities.

Having heard, spoken and debated with them at length, I only said aloud, "Thank God, I was not born in Gollalapalem (their village), and not as a female!"

Kahaani

Sometime ago I watched Kahaani, a well scripted movie.  It breaks several myths and creates a new trend.  It has as its lead a female. Perhaps the only 'well-known celebrity'.  All the other characters are relatively new or 'never heard before'.  Yet, the script and direction carry the movie well into limelight and delivers a powerful message.  There are cinematic liberties taken, but sensibly done.

Vidya Balan does a really commendable job.  So does each of the characters portraying a very different and interesting role.  That each of the characters involved play a significant role and add meaning to the whole movie is something I liked very much.  That includes all those behind the scenes too, especially the cameramen, editors, and of course the director, Sujoy Ghosh.

Though there is some distant 'hollywood connection' (perhaps the finale resembles Taking Lives), the freshness of the plot too is very appealing ('cos these days there is hardly any creative script or thought).

Final verdict: a movie worth watching.