Happy anniversary

Today is Papa and Mummy's wedding anniversary.  However, it is also a bit weird today.  This being the first time in 44 years that Papa is not around with us, especially Mummy on this day.  We never had any big or grand celebrations, except maybe for their silver jubilee.  It has always been a very quiet and low key celebration - just like all our birthdays.  However, we always made it a point to call, talk, sing for the occasion specially.  In earlier days I would send them a letter in advance. 

Nonetheless, I did wish Mummy yesterday.  Mummy wasn't too sure what to say.  She then said, only half the part is here.  The other half is not there to celebrate.  I told her, "He will get his share of greetings too! For now, you take our greetings for both!"  Later I told Willy, that Papa for sure, would have already made some deals with St Lawrence in heaven: "Full bottle for the day!"... just like he did every year with Willy on such days of celebration! 

Happy anniversary, Papa and Mummy!  Thank you for all that you have been for us! 

St Lawrence and Papa at Salisbury

While viewing the Salisbury cathedral, was surprised to see an altar dedicated to St Lawrence - the deacon martyr.  And just when I saw it I remembered Papa! 

Right next to the sign was another board inviting us to pray for the one we miss!  What a coincidence.  I usually wouldn't have done this but today, this was just natural...

Papa

Dyna, my cousin sister, always called Papa, 'byoun' ... it rhymed with his Konkani name 'Zuon', for John.  However, the meaning of it was known to all.  Papa really had the capacity to gulp much.  Nonetheless in all these years, he never ever raised his hand, even when he was totally zonked out - which was quite often. 

Willy named him 'Superman'.  Not only he, several others in the family too called him by that name.  Papa was always happy about it.  I gathered he liked it, as it was not something irritating but named after some innocent incident.  However, I never really knew the origin of that name.  Neither did I call him by that name anytime.  Only after the funeral did I once ask Willy, how did that name start and stick.  Willy tells me that it was soon after his and Roshni's wedding that they were all taking around the wedding guests, showing them Hyderabad.  At one of the tourist spots Papa stood beside a cutout of superman, mimicking it by flexing his muscles.  That's how Willy gave him that name and it really did stick.  That was the name we heard at home all the time! 

Looking further back, to days when Willy and I were really small, I really believed him to be a strong man, a superman! Not the sort who did all amazing things, but certainly for his dedication and ability to carry on working, slogging, day after day, no matter what.  Six days a week he slogged.  When he came home, he really was tired.  Initially he cycled to his workplace.  Then for a while he took the bus.  Then he bought a Moped.  But for years, it was his atlas cycle.  As a boy, I never really knew his work place. Only many years later, he took me once.  That trip was by car.  Only that day it struck me - and struck me hard - to see the distance he covered by cycle, everyday! 

Thank you Papa!  

Intervention vs Presence

Back at home, soon after Papa's funeral, while journeying in the car someone asked me if I believed in Divine intervention.  I promptly replied, "No!" And then continued, "I believe in Divine presence." 

It is not as if God 'peeks in' from time to time into this world and in our lives.  And then returns to 'His' Kingdom.  He is ever present and it is this presence that I firmly believe in - even though, most often I am not aware of it or blissfully ignore it. 

Replaying that conversation, I realize I did not think too deep then.  I was more thinking of Papa rather than God.  And for me, the same presence of Papa applied to my life.  For that matter, everyone in the family.  Having physically lived away from them for more than two decades, I've 'cultivated' a form of them in and around me.  That way, I don't feel absence or rue being separated from them. 

This morning as I sat for meditation, I realized, even though we never really celebrated Christmas or gave it much of a thought this year - I did not even know which day of the week it was! - I was living the spirit of Christmas.  

Remembering Papa

It is exactly a month ago that this night, I got the distressing phone call from Roshni saying that Papa is no more!  I don't think I've still comprehended his loss - I don't think anyone of us at home have!  But one thing we are all happy about is that he did not struggle or suffer.  It was all sudden and instant. 

As we were clearing up his room - which did not take more than a few minutes, given the things he had in his collection - I came to know he did have a passport.  Of course, it expired even before I was born.  But Papa still had it with him. 

The few things very dear to him that I still remember: his German tape recorder, the green table fan, his cassette repair kit, his Swiss knife, that 'Ganesh' beedi, and his beloved hindi songs...
Sharabhi ankhein...
Hue preet purayi...
Man dole...

Then there was the famous 'Rakkon bodve mozha...' and 'Sing alleluia'! 

But all who knew him, were well aware of his most beloved thing: the bottle!  And no remembrance of him or event in his life, could be complete without it ending up in a mention of booze.  But as grandma still believes, except when he was drunk, he was a gem! 

I really don't miss him.  Perhaps that's because I have been away from home all these years and rarely been in his physical company for more than a week or so, during my annual holidays.  Neither of us at home are 'sad' that he left anything unfinished.  I remember him as a man who slogged his way through youth. He did everything possible while my brother and I were kids.  There is never a day that I remember him absenting himself from work - his driving job.  Even when he was not well, he went.  After Mummy, if there is anyone I've known, who exemplified hard manual labour, it was Papa.  But once he retired, he just gave up all work.  He realised he had done all that was to be done, and he literally relaxed.  Not that he was lazy, he just didn't exert himself.  He was confident that Willy was now capable of running the house without him having to break his back.  His dedicated work, had borne fruit. 

The last two decades of his life, the time after retirement, he never had any ambitions or grand plans.  No regrets, whatsoever. Mummy and Willy, never left anything unfulfilled - apart from reigning in his drinking!  He lived happy!  I find that very, very consoling.  And as we were joking among ourselves one day, after his funeral: he must now be merrily chatting away with St Lawrence - his favourite saint - and sipping away!  

Thanks and all ready ...

So I'm back in Kondadaba! Done with all the meetings, holidays and rest, now for some live action. Except for the perspiration, which I'll soon get used to, I was totally at home. This evening after bath as I walked along the drive, reciting my rosary and having a look at the campus, I almost felt that I was here all through. Now that's already feeling at home.

This day too was special... for its simplicity. Though it was the solemnity of Mary Help of Christians and all that goes along with it, no big fanfare. We had a nice simple Mass before lunch, just the three of us: Frs KT, Wilson and myself. Normal meals (thanks to Fr KT who forgot to order for chicken) for lunch and supper. The rest of the day was cleaning, tidying, accounting and settling down. I have to pull out my 'to-do list' tomorrow to start the real work before the Brothers arrive.

And most important of all: CONGRATULATIONS to Papa and Mummy on their wedding anniversary. Though tempted, or rather frightened and anxious, to pray for myself yesterday and today, I just spent the two days in sincere thanksgiving to Mother Mary for the past one year, more so the past two weeks of holidays and most specially for the gift of Papa and Mummy.

My Cinderella Man

While the whole country was busy watching the ICC World Cup final match between Indian and Sri Lanka, I found something better to watch... the movie, the Cinderella Man. I had long been postponing watching this movie and today I sincerely regret postponing. It is one hell of a movie. When I began to watch it, it was merely for fun and passing time this weekend. But by half time, I was glued to it for totally different reasons.

The movie is about the boxer James J. Braddock (Jim), the once down and out boxer who re-enters the ring purely for keeping his family alive and together. It is his love for his wife and three kids that sees him go on to become the world champion. What appealed to me was not the gory boxing bouts, shot realistically, but the tender sentiments of a man who promises to his eldest son never to let go of him, even in the worst of situations. The father keeps that promise!

Some of the most touching scenes: the moment Jim takes his son to the butcher shop to return the salami he stole and there outside promises never to let go of him; getting ready for the fight, on an empty stomach, he eats from the bowl straight with his mouth; when he tells his daughter a dream about him eating full and then drops his share of meat into her plate for her (thereby going hungry himself); when Mae enters the Church to pray for Jim and is told that so are all those who are there; the silence when Jim enters the ring for the championship bout...

All said and done why this movie appealed to me so much was not the movie itself (though superb acting by Crowe, Zewellger and Paul Giamatti) but because the movie in every way showed me what Papa was to us in our younger days. The same grit, same passion, the only dream to see us all happy and contented, the same LOVE MY PARENTS had for the family, especially when the going was tough! I still remember the days when money was hard in coming. Yet we, my brother and I, always had good things (not the best) but the way Papa and Mummy slogged for us, that what they gave us was the best of all! They fasted or ate stale food so that we could have the fresh meal. Rain or sun, cough or fever, nothing prevented Papa from going to work (each day counted).

While Mummy managed the home front, Papa was the bread-winner. Together they gave us what no one else could ever give. Not that they fought our battles, nor did they fight it alone; but they took the brunt of it while making us see and learn. If only every child had parents like you, Papa and Mummy, 'heaven on earth' would be a phrase like a, b, c...

Thank you Papa and Mummy... for what you were, are and what you made of us!

Chris

Last evening in the hospital the Castilino tribe came to visit me - and Fr Chacko too. Chris is getting used to me and was not so frightened of me as he was when we met in Karunapuram last month. He is more or less like Ginger, our dog, here - whoever plays with him is good and useful. Mummy tells me that most of the while he prefers to be with her. Roshni is sought only when he is hungry! Willy is wanted when he wants to play or sleep on the floor. Only Papa needs to run behind him as Chris always finds himself in odd places putting Papa's favourite things on the line of extinction: audio cassettes, CD player, tape-recorder, and his beedi and matchbox! But I can also say that he is quite pampered too. He just demands what he wants and where he wants to go by pointing to those little pointing fingers of his. If no one bothers to comply by his 'directions' his yells bring down the place.

The Song of Sparrows

I watched a lovely movie today... The Song of the Sparrows. It is a Persian movie directed by the acclaimed Majid Majidi. I loved it very much for its content and humanistic presentation of life. Reminded me very much of Papa.

It basically is about a down-on-luck family man whose values and life-style are challenged when he loses his job in the country side and finds a lucrative one in the city. Though tempted to give in to the pressure and opportunities to be what he is not, he stays true to himself. Values of honesty, hard work, love for family are what he holds in great esteem. The accident that he meets helps him see things a bit closely and the way the family rallies around him when bed-ridden is very touching. The elder daughter promises him that she can hear (with a repaired hearing aid) when she actually cannot. His son starts to work and earn for the family. His wife too chips in. The anguish of a father to see his children take on his role and responsibilities is very touching.

Thanks Papa for the years you've slogged day in and day out, in the sun and in the rain, in health and in the worst of health... all so that we, your beloved will have a brighter future!

Castilino's at Kondadaba

It was good to spend the day with my people from home. I picked them up at the station this morning and it was a relaxed schedule. No big hurry to reach this place or catch that bus to see another place or anything of that sort. Just came home, ate b'fast, saw around the seminary, ate lunch, had a relaxed chat with them after lunch, visited the Parish after tea and then had a short evening prayer by ourselves before we went for supper and then another round of chit-chat. Of course, the centre of attention and discussion was Chris, my nephew! He really enlivens home. He has grown much and looks really cute. I was happy to see him most comfortable with Mummy. (Here he is in the kitchen, his favourite part of the house!)

I also have to appreciate Frs KT and Rinoy for their hospitality, even though today is Rinoy's b'day and KT has a hell of works to see to. They always had time to spare to take them around, talk to them, make them feel at home. Thanks to such loving and supportive confreres. The Brothers too did their best in making them feel at home.

I was only wondering if I was fully present in the 'now'. I know there are quite a few things which I have to see to. But by being anxious or tensed about them while being with my parents, helps nothing or no one. So, I guess I better concentrate on my people tomorrow and take on the rest of the matters later.

Thanks Mummy!

Feast of the Mother of God... and my Mummy too!
Thanks Mummy!!

Pillars of strength!

For our triduum service this evening, in preparation for the 150th anniversary celebrations, I chose to animate on reflecting our own pillars of strength in Salesians life, especially in our early stages of formation. Beginning with the confession of Don Bosco himself, as a boy about his ardent love and admiration for Fr Colosso, we each of us in the community, shared our 'models' and 'inspirers'. It was a fitting occasion to thank the Lord and Don Bosco for the presence of these individuals in our life who in their own way touched us and moulded a major part of our lives.

I gladly and proudly remembered and prayed for Papa and Mummy - the one's to whom I attribute 90% of who and what I am. Last evening as I sat in the Chapel for prayer, I tried to imagine what and how I'd have been, if not for being a Castilino, son of John and Irien. It was impossible for me to figure that! Among the Salesians, I really admire Fr John Lens, Fr Joshtrom, Fr Stanislaus Swamikannu and Fr Ivo Coelho. Each one of them, have in a way left an indelible mark on my life and have really helped me see the deeper and wider meaning of my life in the context of the Salesian vocation that I am living.

Thank you Lord for these and many more who have chipped in with their life, words and deeds to make me a better person. May they continue to inspire and motivate others to discover and follow their dream!

A day at DB, Sanathanagar

Yesterday I was in Don Bosco School, Sanathanagar, my alma mater. Since I had the time I took a walk around the campus and every step I took flooded my mind with lovely memories of my school days. The dogs kennel with those ferocious dogs (now there are dogs, and ferocious ones too - but that's only a daschund!) Then there were the German Shepherds. To get past them to the Rabbits place was a great thrill!! Some of us would not get past the dogs kennel for fear they would pounce on us thorugh the grill!!! Then the rabbits place - now no more. There was down below the place, along the compound wall in the corner, Fr Lens' vegetable garden. Now there is the BIE building. Then the bus driver's quarters where my best friend Seby lived. Now it's all abandoned.

There still runs the canteen. But it's not the same with Paddu and his people in it. I also made it a point to show to Willy and Roshni the sapling that I planted with Fr James and our whole gang. Of course, it is now a huge tree, right at the entrance of the school on the playground edge.

Then watching the boys and girls run around playing games, I too was tempted to join them and kick the football and shoot some baskets... But was weary of spoiling my clothes as I had to travel in a couple of hours! What a pity!! I also met some of my teachers: Susamma, Mr Ravindran, Ms Grace, Jovita, Jennifer, Pushpa... it was good. Moreover to hear from them about the school was another experience.

Best was the walk I took down the road to say hello to Papa at home. I just spent a couple of minutes but it was great. To top it all was the serious discussion I had with Willy and Roshni in the school grounds just before I drafted the final report of the Visiatation.

A family meal

Last night I took time out to go home for supper. This time it was special because it was supposed to be a family meal after the harvest season. During the prayers before meals we all remembered our "roots" back in Mangalore and their efforts in living their life amidst all their joys and struggles.

Moreover it was good to see Papa looking healthy and really cheerful. The new member to join the clan is another great added joy!

For love of home

I took time out today to watch the movie 'Fun with Dick and Jane', of course, on TV. It is a nice movie with a good theme. The presence of Jim Carrey is enough to ensure the comedy. Yet there are some poignant moments played by Jim (Dick). Here is a man (and his wife, Jane/Tea Leoni) who suddenly finds his whole life go topsy-turvy because of some scam by his bosses. He loses his job, financial security, pension, and even his house. Pushed to the wall, both husband and wife, risk everything to earn some money. He, though once the vice-president of a reputed company, stands in queue for jobs meant for the immigrants, goes to prison, takes to stealing... She signs up for a medical testing programme for a cosmetic... just to earn some money. I like the part when he works all night to get their lawn done up! In the morning when Jane wakes up, she in fact congratulates him and says, it's beautiful. (In fact, it is all bits and pieces of grass cut up from all over the neighbours gardens).

It reminds me of what parents are willing to undergo and put up with just give their children a decent life. The movie 'Pursuit of Happyness' is another such story. Makes me really thank God for my parents! I know what they have been through. What pains and struggles they have undergone to ensure that both of us (my brother and me) have a secure future. That's the reason, I will always be proud to say that I am a 'Castilino'. In fact, several people ask me why am I not know by my baptismal name. It is true that 'Castilino' is something that brothers started calling me while in Yercaud to avoid confusion (there were already two Vincent's there!). But I still like when people call me by my surname... a small way of showing my gratitude to my Parents. Thanks Papa and Mummy!

At home...

Am at home with my Papa, Mummy, Willy and Roshni... it's good to be home!! Had a relaxed day yesterday. Many new things at home too... Seen Papa eating a hearty b'fast after years. Never before seen him take more than a cup of tea. Now with all the medicines he is taking he himself keeps asking for more chapatis!! I can also clearly see that he is happy when all of us are together!

One thing remains the same... Mummy slogging it out!! She still is the same, restless and always perfect. She has cut her finger badly but that does not in anyway prevent her from going about doing the household chores as though nothing is wrong!!