Vulnerability and community building

People often say that trust is the bonding factor in a relationship.  In religious life too trust plays a very important role in building communities and lasting bonds.  However,  I also believe that prior to trust it is vulnerability that plays a crucial role.  Not just being vulnerable but recognising and having the courage to acknowledge that vulnerability to those whom I live with.  That indeed is risky and dangerous.  But there are no short cuts to forming real relationships.

Very often we as religious are reluctant to share our vulnerabilities.  No one feels great or is pleased to share one's own weaknesses.  All our achievements and strengths are broadcast but the weaknesses and failures we keep them private.  That is natural.  But in order to gain someone's trust the best way is to share with the person something personal, so that the person feels that the other is not just mouthing good things but sharing something of his or her own self.  What often keeps us from sharing our weaknesses from one another is the fear that the other may use them against me or make them public.  Genuine fears but mostly prejudiced. 

I've seen myself the strength of confreres working together once they have bonded well.  Individually they may not be exceptionally talented or gifted but once they learn to trust each other, we complement one another and the tasks at hand become adventures.  Communities that are willing to sit and share, talk, exchange not just plans and ideas but feelings, emotions and requests for help, have a greater degree of strength and effectiveness in apostolate.  The element of witness is truly inspirational. 

Being vulnerable

Reflection for Palm Sunday (April 09, 2017)

We are at the threshold of the Holy Week. We now witness the vulnerability of Jesus. If He wanted, He could have opted out or chosen a different path. But by making Himself vulnerable, He touches our hearts. We often feel strong and secure when our weaknesses are not known to others. We feel powerful when our secrets are safe. However, very few have the courage to expose their weaknesses and vulnerabilities. It is certainly a risky affair. You never know what others would do with such an intimate knowledge of ourselves. In the gospel narration of today we come across several people who are conscious to keep their secrets safe. The apostles anxiety in the Upper room: “Is it I Lord?” Caiaphas and Pilate had their own demons to be hid. The chief priests and scribes felt powerful to see Jesus on the cross; their inadequacies will no more be challenged.

However in the crowd there is also Mary Magdalene. She had nothing to hide. She was well aware that the Lord knew her whole story. She was touched by Him because she did not hesitate to hide from Him her frailties. To be truly touched implies the courage to reveal our vulnerabilities. In His passion, Jesus reveals to us his weakness: love for humanity. This Palm Sunday as we walk with Jesus, in His penultimate journey, let us acknowledge and work on our vulnerabilities rather than devise plans and ways to cover and safeguard them. Let us risk 'being touched'. Let grace flow.

Strength in weakness

Was reading the book This opened my eyes by C.P. Varkey and read this particular instance where a man narrates an incident wherein he is just present with is friend in the hospital when his friend's baby passes away. He recalls this presence, this 'being there' as the most important thing he'd ever done. He concludes saying this happened when he was totally helpless. He never did anything or said anything. All that he did was be present there with the family in its sorrow.
Again, a reflection of what is said by Jean Vanier. Our vulnerable moments are really the moment we achieve something meaningful, or do something beyond our own capabilities. Perhaps this was also the experience of St Paul who says: When I'm weak, then I'm strong.

Gazing at stars ... on earth

This afternoon fulfilled a long-standing desire: watched Taare Zameen par directed by Aamir Khan. A very touching tale of a dyslexic boy who is helped to realise his full potential through an understanding teacher who realises the situation of the boy .... all because he sees himself in him! There are very touching scenes in this movie: when the mother go through the flip book, when Ishan receives the best prize for his drawing, the short conversation that the art teacher Ram Nikumbh has with the father of Ishan, his silent telephonic conversation with his mother and brother, the frustration of Nikumbh when he sees Ishan being driven to the wall...

There is a moment in the movie when Nikumbh says to his friend: "I saw myself in the mirror today." I think it is the turning point of the movie, the story... when the teacher sees in the child who is struggling, himself! What follows is a story of guidance, assistance, encouragement, support and friendship... but what triggered it is, I feel the realisation that the boy needs help, just as I have been helped. Having reached a stage of life where you feel you are in control, you know things, you know that you can manage, we sometimes feel so powerful and mighty that we forget where we started from. We expect everyone and everything around us to be as powerful and mighty as ourselves. I remember reading the writings of Jean Vanier while in Shillong. I'd say, every Salesian assistant - for that matter every Salesian - ought to read that. In the context of a house where mentally challenged people are taken care of, those who take care of them are most vulnerable - not the most powerful. They are those who have really touched their vulnerability and therefore are humble enough to help the other in their moments of vulnerability.