The closed door

The gospel of the day begins with the scene of the closed doors.  The disciples, afraid of the Jews, are behind closed doors.  The scene then turns to Jesus appearing to them and the display of his wounds to them. 

I have another version of this whole episode.  Most the disciples, for fear, chose to stay behind the closed doors.  Only a few dared go out and attempt to do the good they could.  Their reasoning: If we, as the closest to Jesus feel so distraught, how much more will those who felt close to Jesus but did not have the privilege of knowing him as intimately as we did, feel. 

So they dared out to seek those confused and frightened, just as they themselves, and offer the little consolation they could.  Perhaps, in strengthening them, they would be strengthened themselves.  Moreover they knew well that Jesus would have done the same.  So they ventured out, not overcoming their fear, but in spite of their fears!  They chose to risk the open, rather than let fear feed on them within closed doors.   

In the meantime, Jesus appears to those huddled indoors.  And after a while when those few who had gone out return, those who saw the risen Lord narrate all that happened to them.  And as they narrate the conversation they had with Jesus, they particularly get enlightened about the words of Jesus, "Blessed are those who have not seen, but yet believe!"  Those who had dared out then narrate how they were strengthened as they spend time with others similarly distraught and confused.  Without seeing the tongues of fire, they too had received the Holy Spirit!  

The fragility of discernment

Reflecting on the action of the three wise men, one cannot but admire them for their courage.  The risk they undertook to find this divine revelation.  On the one hand, we call them 'wise', and on the other, they start off with nothing but an intuition/inspiration and a star in the night sky!  No certainty.  No guarantee of success.  Furthermore, tradition states that they set off alone - no convoy, no military escort.  And if they are to follow the only practical guiding principle - the star - they could only travel at night.  The risk of brigands and thieves.  And it was not coal or grass they were carrying! 

Yet, they undertake the journey.  They weigh the positive outcome as far more superior to the risk they undertake in that journey.  They trust the star.  They trust their intuition.  They trust themselves.  They believe it is a divine power leading them.  For placing their confidence in all such criteria, I wonder if they'd be called 'wise' by today's standards.  Yet our Christian tradition always held them to be 'wise men from the East'.  

Sanitized thrills

One of the popular relaxation sites in UK, especially for children, is the Go Ape.  This is something like a maze among the trees and wooden bridges in the air.  Those making their way through this adventure will be tied secure with a string and a harness, just in case!  I've seen the one in Battersea park.  I found this whole concept very amusing.  Back in India we have trees and children, especially boys, cannot resist them.  In the rural setting, there'll hardly be a tree that a growing boy would not have climbed!  Of course, there'd be no harness or rope.  If only a child would try to climb a tree here in UK, I'm sure he'd get a good spanking (most probably, no!) and a long lecture in 'health and safety' measures.  It is like people prefer the bottled fruit juice to a fresh fruit. They trust more the 'safety' of the processed juice, than the natural original fruit!  You take something so natural and fresh, then take away all its naturality and then reproduce it in such a 'natural' setting.

Of talents and relationships

The gospel reading of the day, which speaks of talents, when viewed from another perspective offers a deep insight.  While on the surface it could be seen as one utilising all God's gifts and the corresponding reward/punishment for doing so.  However, prior to the utilisation of the gifts, if one is to review the relationship of the stewards to the Master, one realises the stark difference.  The last steward literally feared the master.  This is not said so of the other two.  Perhaps they too feared the master but not as much as the third one.  The other two had a more liberating and deeper relationship with the master.  They did not feel frightened of taking a risk in using the talents.

It occurred to me that most of us Catholics are like the third steward.  We feel attached to the master, not by love but more by fear.  It is fear of God that prompts us to say or do things the way we do.  Those few who really are inspired more by the love than the fear (reverence?) of/for God, are those who live their lives to the full.  They take risks, they dare, feel free and liberated because they trust in the love of the Father.  Just like a child they are playful and at ease in the presence of the father.  They do not have to work 'hard' to impress him, for they know that the father loves them! 

Fear what?

Read an interesting post yesterday as I was glancing through some content on the net.  Felt like it is addressing me and challenging me to something.  Surely didn't need this in the situation I presently find myself in.  Very disturbing!

When most of us fear failure, we walk away from our boldest ideas. Instead of being original, we play it safe, selling conventional products and familiar services. But great entrepreneurs have a different response to the fear of failure. Yes, they’re afraid of failing, but they’re even more afraid of failing to try.

Read the whole post here.

It is said in the context of entrepreneurs and business people who struck gold - of course, after hitting dust and rock bottom too!  However, the idea of 'playing it safe' resonates with the notion of 'comfort zones'.

My learning at Punganur

It has been two and half months since I set foot in Punganur. As I reviewed my own stay here to see what are the three most important discoveries I've made which have helped me see things differently, I realized the following:

1. Children are much MUCH more enthusiastic and eager to learn than the Brothers! It is too evident to miss. 
2. I have been enjoying the luxury of free time – plenty of it. Devoid of a full time responsibility, I have lots of time for myself. This has given me the possibility of indulging myself in all sorts of handiworks, manual labour and maintenance works. It has also challenged me to make the best of the available unstructured time. 
3. This period of stay and interaction with the children has taught me that some of the ideas and principles I lived by and taught others are not that easy to practice in reality. They truly are ideals... but true all the same!

Risking a different approach

The Bible (or for that matter, any text) offers a different meaning when read in a different context.  During one of the days of the PAR training programme, the gospel was that of Jesus curing a man who was seeking help for years.  I was thinking: Jesus could very well have assisted the man by the Siloam to get into the waters, when stirred and thus help him regain his health.  However, when Jesus entered the scene the whole concept of healing, health, cure took on a different meaning.  He offered a totally different means of regaining health.

In life, we are so fixated on certain ways of doing things. Rightly because, the followed path has yielded results.  While this is true and good, it is also harmful not to seek newer means of achieving better results.  Jesus offers a new model of being healthy and getting cured.  Are we willing to try out different means to become better and more meaningful?  Or are we happy with doing what was done, the way it was done, merely because it guarantees results?  Do we risk? 

Young people...

I had heard it first from Fr Godfrey D'Sa... was happy to read it again in another context:

Young people are a strange lot. You ask them for little; they give you nothing. You ask them for much; they give you everything.

Today I learnt that it was said by Cardinal Mercier.

Another quote of Fr Godfrey which he often repeated was this:

Ships are safe in the harbour, but that's not what they are meant for. 

I had heard of these quotes in the context of personal growth and ministry, especially with young people. The first quote was always proved right in my personal work style and experience. 

Betray Jesus??

This morning during Mass, Fr Maliekal asked a valid question: When does betrayal happen? Or rather, between whom does betrayal happen? He went on to say that it is only between friends that betrayal is possible.  Thus he was right in questioning Judas' "betrayal" of Jesus.  If Judas was never truly a friend of Jesus, how could he betrayal Him?

I look at it this way:  Betrayal is possible only when there is trust between two people.  So when that trust is broken, and abused then it is betrayal.  So in this sense, if I never really trusted Jesus, as a person, as someone close to my heart, someone whom I have willingly and joyfully given my heart to, then I don't think, I'm eligible for betrayal!  Indifference, yes; but not betrayal.  (Which of the two is worse?... I'll save that for later!)

On the other hand, looking from Jesus' perspective, whether we trust Him or not, He trusts us! He places His confidence in us and is willing to take the risk - He did it then, He does it even now! Knowing well, that the possibility of being indifferent to, being betrayed by us, is much higher than being a friend to Him, He risks being our friend.

The question now is: Do I betray Jesus?  Or am I worthy at all to even do an act of betrayal?? 

Jesus saves... ?

As per the Gospel of the day, Jesus stretches out to Peter and pulls him out of the sea and saves him from drowning.  There is however no mention of Jesus 'saving' those in the boat from drowning... surprising!

Well, most of us wait in the boat and expect Jesus to 'save' us, without even venturing out into the sea.  Each of us is called to do our best and certainly doing the best involves taking risks and failures.  That in no way should prevent one from doing our bit.  To expect the Lord to walk around saving all those lying and merely waiting for the Lord, is no faith at all.  

Being Shepherds and sheep

Fr Dominic Savio, in his sermon this morning, speaking on the gospel passage of the Good Shepherd, listed the qualities of a shepherd.  Prior to that he was clear in stating that each one of us is a shepherd in his or her own right.  Elaborating the characteristics of  a shepherd, he said that a shepherd ought to love his/her sheep, keep an eye on the sheep and if necessary risk his/her own life for the sheep.

So far so good. What I did not really find myself agreeing to was what he concluded with: the sheep, he said, has only one duty - to listen to the voice of its master.  Well, not that I have a problem with that quality.  It is only that the whole responsibility of the sheep is on the shepherd!  That for me is unnecessarily adding to  God's already hectic schedule.  We too ought to take an equal - if not, more - responsibility for ourselves rather than merely dump everything on God.  

Eating risk

The day before yesterday we, the community at St John's, went out for a meal together.  This was the first time (and the last time too) that we fiver of us staff were out together for a meal.  We were joined by a couple of confreres too.

We went to a good hotel and opted for the buffet section.  We were practically the first ones to enter and within a matter of 20 minutes the whole place was packed with others coming in ... all from different walks of life and mixed groups.  What caught our attention was the table right next to us. We spent nearly an hour leisurely tasting all the offered menu and chatting all along.  The table of 4 next to us was occupied by a group of youngsters first and when they left, by a group of middle aged gentlemen.  What surprised us was that both the groups stuck to the same 'known' menu - rice, mutton, dal and pappad.  There were like a 50 varieties of things laid out there.  They hardly touched anything other than those mentioned above!

Most of our group tasted everything.  When the one among us who stuck to almost the same menu as that of our immediate neighbours, as to why he did not try the other varieties which we hardly ever get to eat, he replied, "Why risk taking something you do not know?"  We never understood the logic!  

Risking God's closeness

Today's readings form an interesting combo: Jonah and the parable of the Good Samaritan. Fr Wilson rightly asked what would be the commonality in the two most gripping narrations in the Bible. He stated that it was the fear of responsibility that was common in both the narrations. Jonah was fleeing Yahweh and the Priest and the Levite from the parable too were escaping the direct responsibility that God was placing before them.

Both these instances offer a very revealing insight into our human relationship. We love God from afar. We dearly desist coming close to Him - or Him close to us. For that is too risky an affair; that closeness demands a lot from us. It involves risk, responsibility and commitment - the very things we shirk away from. We love to keep our lives small and peaceful. Letting God into our lives is living with a turbulence. He constantly challenges us, never letting us just be the minimal we can be and do.

Taking responsibility

Taking responsibility is something most of us shrink away from. We always feel secure and safe when "I" am not the one responsible. But worse are those who claim for privileges without taking any risks or any responsibility of what they are upto or entrusted with. The primary reason we shirk responsibility is that is a headache or in blunt words, a pain in the ****. Yet unless we start taking responsibility we do not grow, we do not change, we do not progress. In other words, we die! We only breathe and walk about without a thought, without a bit of life in us, that we can pass on to another with dignity and pride.

Education, change and a movie

I spent the afternoon in a very useful manner: watching the movie The Freedom Writers. There are many lessons one - especially a teacher / formator / educator - can learn from this movie. The one that struck me was the perseverance of the teacher... but this perseverance comes at a great price! I liked that particular conversation between the Principal (Ms Margaret) and Ms Gruwell. That part when Ms G is told to 'educate' the students, teach them discipline, not anything more, because they do not want to be educated. I think that's when the Ms G really becomes someone more than a classroom teacher. Imagine she taking up two other jobs so that she can earn some extra bit for her students... the misunderstandings with the other staff and management... then there is her own personal life crumbling down when her husband files for a divorce. Great risks cost. Those willing to make a difference have to pay a price. Change does not come free and easy. But great are those who are willing to pay the price.

Being on the formation staff I can very well understand the feelings and things going on in Ms Margaret's head. All very right and noble... but I too have to realise that education is more than just discipline, rules, respect for the teacher, obedience, formal lessons, classes... It means being able to touch the lives of students and making them believe that they can change and they can bring about a change for the better. It means becoming part of their life, not just the classroom. It means helping them become all that they can be. And what's the role of the formator in this process? Just being a facilitator, inspirer, encourager, challenger, a model... not the centre figure of their lives but a catalyst.

The rat trap

Last night our driver Venkat brought a rat trap. Nothing unusual until you see the trap yourself. It was nothing different from a new CD pack!!! The logic used is that it has a stick pad which traps the rat. (Of course, killing it remains a task!) But it is a rat trap! What amused me most was the scepticism of Thomas - true to his name! He was sure that no rat would be trapped! This morning Venkat comes to my office beaming: 'Br a rat was caught in the trap!'
We prevent much good from being done because we lack the faith that it can be done. So much so we not only make the least of efforts ourselves but also prevent anyone from taking a step in that direction. The net result, we remain where we are. Well, even if we fail, we've at least tried it in good faith. I'd prefer to try, risk and fail than not try at all.