Thursday, 14 July 2011

Unworthiness and discernment

Listening to Fr KT preach the sermon this morning, something that struck me and led me think in terms of the formation and discernment process. Speaking of Moses, Fr KT got us to focus on his sense of unworthiness when standing in front of God... and therefore the subsequent attempts to wriggle out of the responsibility God was entrusting him with. The same is seen in the life of Jonah, Jeremaiah and also to an extent in the life of Mother Mary. All see themselves as unworthy to carry out the mission being entrusted. But what makes them take up this mission, in spite of knowing well that by themselves they would only end up making a fool of themselves? It is the assurance that God gives to each of them: I am with you!

I was asking myself: What if I were to stand facing God and what would be the scenario? Who would be pleading with whom?
Would I be pleading with God to let me continue being a Brother?
Would God be trying to convince me to continue being a Brother?
If it is the former, then I'm really out of place in the Salesian congregation or I'm not really meant to be a Brother. Riding on my own strength I may forge ahead and live as a Brother; but sooner or later, I'll run out of reasons or support on which I relied thus far. If it is the latter, then no matter what, I'll always have the strength and the grace to live the life of a Brother with dignity and commitment. For it is not I who want to be a Brother, but God who wants me to.

I suppose that's exactly what discernment is all about: knowing what God wants of me and aligning my will to that of His rather than merely knowing what I want.

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