With the boys at Chandur

Am at Chandur, the place where I began my novitiate 14 years ago. Oh boy, it is today a very different place. I haven't been to this place since then. So coming here and seeing all the difference is very refreshing. For one, the old shed (our dormitory) is still there - though it now being used as a carpentry shed. Our chapel, Fr VT John's room, our study hall are all gone - pulled down. I also remembered Shantha's funny giggle all through the Mass in the inaugural retreat, watching the ruins of what was once our chapel. The trees for one are really huge now. They give a totally different 'shade' to the whole house now. It is good to see Chandur green and fresh. The fields and football court are still the same. Of course, the Shrine is new (to me). A courtesy visit to the Salesian Sisters (my maiden trip) showed that the town remains EXACTLY the same!! I cannot understand how they managed to keep it the same.

This being the first time I am out with Fr Noel as his helper for the Visitation, I'm just taking it slow. I wait for his signal, if he wishes me to be around or if he wants me to intervene. Nice to hear all the good being done and the efforts being made. Makes you feel part of the house and mission. Had to really resist the temptation of vocally showing my appreciation for their hardwork.

Best of the day: Spent time chatting with the boarders for nearly an hour. It was lovely talking to them in Telugu and in their own lingo! The other thing which did not strike me then, but struck me profoundly when Fr Noel mentioned it in his goodnight, was that my presence and interaction with the boys was a real attempt at vocation promotion, that too for Salesian Brotherhood.

I am glad too that the senior boys remember Mariadas who spent with them just a month, last year around this time. He has a real knack of getting around these boys. No wonder his heart is in Chandur.

Freedom from trivialities

Watching Fr PE Abraham these days is like watching a comedy movie! But yesterday as I spent the whole evening and night, reading the correspondence of Br Gabriel (to cull out something for his mortuary letter), I realised that things were not always rosy, especially in the beginning. Today with all the sophistication and modernisation, I still bemoan the shortage of time! God alone knows how these senior confreres managed their affairs with practically not even half of the facilities we enjoy today - cell phones, e-mail/internet, travel comforts, computers/laptops, well-furnished structures, a/c fitted four wheelers... !!

Though I pull Fr PE's leg for his "zeal" for the missions, I am a big fan of his. Not that I agree with all that he has in his head and all that he speaks (frankly, I hardly agree with any of it!). But I do admire his zeal to live the Salesian life. He does not have any big and varied interests. Just one or two things (a four-wheeler being one of them and a small sip of sprite during supper, that too if and when it is available - he says that helps him get good sleep and not get up very many times in the night!)! But that's it. Few things and happy with that. The rest of his energies - which we otherwise dissipate, on making lists of what we want and what we need - he spends on writing books and plays and conjuring up ideas and talks on 'mission'.

I am sure he must have picked it up from the earlier Salesians. Great example of how simplicity of life can free us for greater dedication and service.

Growing strong and deep roots

These days I've been going through the correspondence of Br Gabriel Fernandez who passed away a year ago (July 22, 2008 to be precise) for some material to be included in his mortuary letter being prepared by Fr Maliekal and Fr TV Jose. Most of his own writings (in the scattered diaries) is about his 'low-moments'. I guess he was busy celebrating the 'highs' to pen any of his thoughts and points of view. I also wonder, if he had anything to fall back to, especially in moments when he was down and out. I am sure such moments would have been in plenty given his delicate health in the last years of his life. Did he really have something to hold on to? I have my doubts...

I hope I have something more deep and profound to hold on to when I reach that stage of life (if at all I live that long). This blog of mine sure does have fragments I can collect and thoughts I can weave together, time permitting to look at myself and my life. More than this text, I think what is within me will sustain me, especially in my dark nights - or darkened nights!! So make hay while the sun shines.

Another quote from 'Patch Adams'

I remembered another lovely quote from the movie 'Patch Adams':

You treat a disease, you win or lose. But treat a person, I guarantee, you always win, no matter what the outcome!

Medicine, life and living

Health has become a business - mighty profit-making business. Once upon a time, I was captivated by medicine - especially after watching the movie 'Patch Adams': Medicine is more about improving the quality of life than delaying death. But in the last few days, I feel more will die of medicine (or lack of it) than really 'improve the quality of life'.

Last time it was our gardener, Tirupathi who had to dole out one month's salary for a night in the hospital. This time it is another person known to very many of us who has to burn not just his pockets but himself... a whooping Rs 8 lakhs!! I'm told that in one of the prestigious hospitals in the city, the starting fee is Rs 50,000. That's just the initial deposit. The fees are built on it!! I'm sure, there must be hundreds of people who must have walked out of the hospital 'happily willing to die' than even dream of pouring out so much money. In such cases when medicine and cure is simply beyond the affordable limit, the patient either is happier than before or dies then and there!! It is only the dear ones who have to live with the guilt of not being able to do anything other than see him/her slowly die. Living in such conditions is maddening!

His touch!

Very many times in life, I wonder what makes certain things turn around so drastically that it is hard to believe that it was something else or someone else altogether in the previous look. Discussing with Thathi about things in life and in our formation process this morning, I felt that at times there is something so different about people who are really motivated. They know what they are here for, and the way they go about with life is something so inspiring. Not that they are highly talented but that they exude a sort of spirit and create an ambiance which somehow makes them stand out. Best of all, they INSPIRE!!

There is the famous poem 'The touch of the Master's hand'... perhaps we have to believe that this is also possible when changes take place. Rather than we effect all changes, we let Him too do something... and when He is upto something, He changes everything.

You needed me...

This evening as I was searching something for Fr Noel to begin his CRI meeting in the morning, I remembered this song that I had in my collection... 'You needed me'. (I liked the Boyzone version better than Annie Murray)

I like the song for its message that we are all interdependent beings... no is better off alone and all alone... not even God! The song basically speaks of relationship (divine or human, is the same!).

Life is better with challenges!

I spent practically the whole day editing the Province directory... such a pain it is!! Every time you go through it, there is something that needs correction, verification, confirmation, rectification...! However much you do, there will always be something that will stick out as a blunder! Anyway, I know no better way to do this than this hard way... and so let it be!

There were moments when I said (in exasperation), "to hell with it all!" But exactly those times I remembered what I told the first year students at Karunapuram while taking 'Introduction to Philosophy': The fact that some questions elude answers, is no excuse to stop looking for one! No one stops wearing clothes or footwear just because they will get dirty or wear out. Life carries on, and what thrill if everything was clear, easy and always available. Life carries on but what makes it worth living is the amount of effort we put in to make it worth every bit of it - possible or impossible, is no reason to waste time!