Vocation camp

 Being present for the first day of the vocation camp at Karunapuram, brought back memories of my own first vocation camp in Gunadala.  The travel from Hyderabad to Gunadala, I have no memory of, but certainly the return journey is vivid in my mind.  I travelled back with Fr Balaswamy and Fr Anand.  Charlie was the driver of the jeep!  

The excitement of settling in the dormitory, the first family get together... The excitement of the cricket match, wherein I took a hatrick of wickets, for which Fr Gnanam - then a brother and the umpire of the match - congratulating me).  The sharing of food in the dining hall, a totally new experience, because back at home all of us were used to being served by our mothers, so none of us at the table had any clue of proportion and distribution!  Washing the utensils was not in our dictionary at all, leave alone cleaning the table after meals.  

The one aspect that I liked most of this particular camp in Karunapuram was the fact that two-thirds of the participants were boys from our own settings - something very very rare all these years!  These boys knew 'Don Bosco', felt at home with Salesians.  That's something really really good.  It is an indicator that we Salesians are doing some good. Irrespective of their desire to join us or not,  the very fact that they choose to attend the vocation camp is encouraging!

Expectations, involvement and rights

 We recently concluded the Provincial Chapter of the Province.  Personally I'd invested myself in the questionnaires in the preparation of the same.  I was keen to do so.  However, I did not pin my hopes to the Chapter itself achieving much.  I purposely did not expect much to happen.  Doing so, has really helped me accept the fact as it is.  I get agitated if planned events and processes do not yield proportionate results. So for this time, I didn't raise my level of expectation. In fact, I didn't have any expectations at all.  

On the other hand, looking back at the whole process and event itself, I ask myself what is the most significant aspect that we learnt from the Chapter? What is it that we take forward from there?  Unfortunately there isn't anything worthwhile!  One chief reason is that collectively, we avoided and left out the most pertinent aspects and were happy to get involved and excited about the trivial!  We dissipated our time and energies on the peripherals, without letting ourselves be challenged by the core values or issues.  

And then, looking at myself... I should acknowledge I've no much right to complaint because I did not actually let myself get involved in the common effort - personal, very much - but not the collective part. I should have drawn our attention to those important aspects - although I did just a couple of times, but only when I felt really exasperated.  So I honestly cannot give myself the right to grumble either!  

Reading

At times there's so much of negativity around that I too feel cramped and agitated.  But from experience I also am well aware that it is not the negativity without that makes me feel so.  It is only that from within that can really affect me.  So I ask myself why is it that I feel so from within?  

One definite reason is my lack of reading.  Of late, my reading time and range has fallen - fallen abysmally!  That workload has increased is true. So has the diversity of works.  But that's only an excuse. The biggest challenge now is WHAT to read!  There's no dearth of reading material, but what is it that I need to pick up.  If I take up something related to my work, I'm still "working", not really relishing the work.  It is as if I'm forcing myself to get the job done, rather than see it as some good done.  

Nonetheless, need to start.  

To see me, but not me!

"To have seen me is to have seen the Father!"

Jesus is very confident of himself.  That to know him is actually to not know him, but the Father.  He knows that there is nothing in him that obstructs anyone looking at him from being able to see his Father.  He is so transparent that one interacting with him is actually interacting with the Father himself.  Nothing in him that limits the one interacting with him to see Jesus alone.  All of what he does and is, is a reflection of the Father.  

I wonder how many of us will be able to say that same of oneself.  In all honesty and sincerity.  "To have lived and worked with me is to have seen Jesus or God himself!" 

Decadence of religious life

 A certain sign of decadence in religious life is when one notices that religious are very excited and passionate about their personal needs, far more than the needs of others... worse is when the pain and need of the poor and even those whom we take care of, goes unnoticed, while what takes precedence is my own need and comfort.  

I know that taking care of oneself is a virtue.  But when that supersedes, the needs of others, especially those entrusted to my care, then one can be sure that one is living a life far off from the most basic elements of religious life. 

I remember past years when most of the confreres would fight and argue, all about expenses and finances, but for the mission - the poor children, boarders, scholarships for children, poor families in the parish, struggling youngsters in the ITI... They would be highly upset if they receive no support or understanding for their works.  But the latest trends are for the same finances and expenses, albeit the focus is not the youngster, but oneself!!  That's anything but religious life! 

Loosing the plot?

 Since the last couple of months, life has been hectic - more than usual and very much lopsided.  It has been a whole lot of wrangling with legal processes, around courts, police stations and related matters.  Not that I'm unwilling to take it head on or am sceptical about the results.  It is just that the time, energy and concentration these matters drain makes me feel unable to envision and pursue the bigger picture!  It is as if, I'm struggling to see the ultimate why of it all.  At the same time, I know it is relevant and important.  

Journey or the destination?

 There's often the debate whether the journey is more important than the destination; or the other way around.  I'm more prone to agree with the former.  Nonetheless, I think there's another dimension to this debate as well.  It is about relationship; or company during the whole process.  What makes the journey really pleasant and enriching, among the many other things, is the company we have all along.  The same can be said about reaching the destination. Achieving a milestone is relevant and thrilling when there is someone with whom I can share that experience.  That experience is going to differ depending on whether I have with me those dear to me or  some total strangers or none at all.  

Restarting...!

 It is after two years and two months that I'm getting back to writing a blogpost!  The last I posted anything on this blog was in January 2022. 

Much water has flown under the bridge!!!  Even for me to try to recollect, what has happened since then, takes me long.  Not that much has been achieved or great things happened, but certainly quite a few!  

Anyway, reviving this blog was something that was somehow cropping up in my thoughts and prayer during the season of Lent and all the more during the Holy Triduum.  So here I am putting my thoughts and resolutions (and prayers) to paper! 

For the last three months, I've been in and through so many legal procedures (courts, lawsuits, police complaints, reviews...) of different kinds, in different places and for different issues, that I've not been through in the whole of my life so far!  I never imagined myself reading through lawsuits and legal complaints, leave alone drafting and signing them myself!! But yes, that's an experience in itself.  

But what strikes me most is the fact that, even after us being such an extensive organisation with so many well-wishers us their expertise and help with these legal matters, we still are no better in most cases - literal cases!  What then is the state of those individuals who are really helpless when similar things (land grabbing, rental occupation and dues, unjust criminal cases, false accusations, blatant bullying, exorbitant bribes to close a simple ordinary open and shut case, being treated as a tennis ball between bureaucrats...) are dropped on their head? 

I dream of all the "illegal" methods used to bring to justice the crooked and corrupted... prefer the second half of Khosla ka ghosla! 

Knowledge and wisdom

 Knowledge and wisdom

That tomato is a fruit and not a vegetable is knowledge. 

Not including tomato in a fruit salad is wisdom! 

Options and choices

Options and choices are not always the same. Options are possibilities, while choices are responsibilities. And the more choices I make (most often bad ones than the good ones) the better I am as an individual.  My difficulty has been in accepting choices as my own.  The tussle between obedience as a religious and my own personality leaves little room for exercising in a more carefree way ones choices.  The present situation I find myself in, is precisely because of my inability to own up a choice.  And right now, I am not even so sure of all the reasons for that inability!