Passing through the darkness...

The life of the Saint of the day, St Ignatius of Loyola, reminded me of what I had earlier spoke of Saul turning to Paul. Like Saul, Ignatius too had the courage to go through the dark uncertainty and helplessness after his initial encounter with the Lord.  He did spend time in prayer and reflection before taking the plunge. His reading of The Imitation of Christ was only the trigger, so was his personal encounter with Jesus or Mary.  What really saw him take the bold step was his personal wrestling with God and his own conscience when everything seemed a blur, in the dark, silent spaces of his room or the monastery where he spent almost a year after his initial taste of the Lord.  

For that courage and patience of Ignatius, I salute him.  Not everyone of us has that amount of courage or patience, though each one of us has the great 'wow' moments in galore all our life! 

Conversion

Conversion of Saul
Saul's real conversion takes place not on the road to Damascus, but during the long agonizing wait for Ananias. It is in those moments of agony, uncertainty, loneliness and desperation, that Saul turns his heart to Jesus. That 'on the road' experience was merely a trigger. Most of us are trigger-happy people. However we lack the patience and the courage to go through the 'dark nights' to deepen our resolutions and faith.

Motivation and playing it big!

Much is said and debated about motivation in our formation circles. While I believe that basic motivation needs to be clarified and adhered to come what may, I also agree with what Zig Ziglar had to say about motivation: “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”

Here is one quote that I remember hearing in the movie Coach Carter.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.

Mister God... and darkness

After much delay yesterday, I managed to complete reading Mister God, this is Anna. A very insightful book, I should say. Here are a few of excerpts:

• It didn't make sense to talk about different God; that kind of talk inevitably leads to madness. No, for Anna it was all or nothing; there could be only one Mister God. This being so, then the different places of worship, the kinds of names give to those worshippers could be due to one thing, and to one thing only: the different arrangements of the evidence for Mister God. (p.141-142)
• I call myself a Christian. What do you call yourself? I reckon Mister God must be pretty good at music, he knows all the names of the chords. Perhaps he doesn't mind what you call it, as long as you play it. (p. 143) Now that's something similar to Fr TV Thomas' mulberry tree and the Sister calling it a cherry tree!

Now this is quite interesting... all in praise of the night and darkness, because, it lets you see deep!

• The sun is nice, but it lights things up so much that you can't see very far.
• Your soul don't go very far in the daylight 'cos it stops where you can see.
• The nighttime is better. It stretches your soul right out to the stars. And that is a very long way. In the nighttime you don't have to stop going out. It's like you rears. In the daytime it's so noisy you can't hear. In the nighttime you can. The nighttime stretches you.
• My reason for preferring the darkness is that in the dark you have to describe yourself. In the daylight other people describe you.
• Never let anyone rob you of your right to be complete. The daylight is for the brain and the senses, the darkness is for the heart and the wits. Never, never be afraid. Your brain may fail you one day, but your heart won't. (Old Woody to Anna p. 151-152)

If not the sun, the stars...

Here's another one from Rabbi: I love the light for it shows me the way, yet I endure the darkness because it shows me the stars. How often so many of us wander in the dark, perfectly content to stumble rather than ask for help - even though help sought from God is only lip-help. If only we dare to lift up our eyes to the stars above. If not for the light they cast, at least for the assurance that we're not alone.

As days go by, I'm feeling more confident that life not a tyrant after all. If I can manage a week without most of the amenities and with a General Chapter going on in the campus, I think, I can! Just a matter of organisation and coordination. Of course, prayer is something that I should not miss out on. For the first time, I've been skipping personal prayer continuously for long. But I realise, I'm mastering an art that I've heard from my novitiate days onwards: ejaculatory prayer! Well, if not the sun, at least the stars!

Belief - dare - belief!

Read a nice quote of Patrick Overton in the mortuary letter of Fr Michael Mundanthanath (IND)... 'When we walk to the edge of all thte light that we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of the two things will happen. There is something solid for us to stand on or, we will be taught how to fly'. Nice!
Perhaps this is the reason most of us just stand still... because we do not believe! We stand still for fear of the next step, we fail because the thought of some 'solid ground' or 'the art of flying' is not an option we think about. We fear the dark, we dare not see beyond and through the darkness. Hence most of us stay put where we are! Silent pillars in the dark!