In the face of death

For the first time today, I really sensed desperation in Baly's voice as I heard him describe Fr Jude's last moments - desperation because he was doing all he could along with the others but he was also observing that he was sinking! I can imagine if I, sitting here in my office, hundreds of kilometres away could feel it, that too for someone whom I've never met, seen or heard about before, how much more would those close to him have felt! And then, what would Fr Jude himself have been undergoing? It is true that he was gasping for breath - that must have been his only thought. But did he know that he would die? Or at any moment during those last couple of hours of running around hospitals, gave him a thought that he would not survive the day?

Mother Teresa and her magnanimity

Reading the lives of great people is a great source of inspiration. This evening I was reading the newspaper article on Mother Teresa which appeared on August 26, 2008 in The Hindu by Navin Chawla. Speaking about the simple talks of Mother Teresa, he had this to say: "My mind accepted them largely because of the respect in which I held her - a respect intensified because there was no difference between her words and her deeds, between her precepts and her practice and the fact that she could understand the poor because she was poor herself."

Here's Mother herself: "As long as we remain committed to the poorest of the poor and don't end up serving the rich, the work will prosper."

At the ceremony in Oslo, the then Chairman of the Nobel Committee, John Sannes, had this to say: "... In her eyes, the person who, in the accepted sense, is the recipient, is also the given and the one who gives the most, Giving - giving something of oneself - is what confers real joy, and the person who is allowed to give is the one who receives the most precious gift..."

Angst..

The situation in Orissa is a perfect example of 'angst' - desperate anger towards and for nothing! Those innocent victims are being tortured for no fault of theirs, they know not who and when will they be hunted, for what reason and by whom! The worst I can sense is the desperation they must be feeling when they cannot even get angry - because then they will be going against the very tenet for which they are being persecuted. Neither can they appeal to anyone, for even those who are supposed to protect them are the ones perpetuating the violence. This is real 'angst' according to me!
And here I am, in the comfort of my office, sitting and philosophizing on their plight!

Sanctity and devotion

Attending Mass with Sarath's people the other day was a reminder of the sanctity of the ceremony. They were squatting on the floor and I was seated on a chair beside them. When it was time for the Consecration, they spontaneously knelt down - even though the place was very very congested! When I told them, to remain seated, since it was very difficult to kneel for all, they were not really very convinced of being seated!! It was then it struck me that they really knew the importance of the event and therefore their devotion. For me it was just another moment of another Mass of another day!!

My vocation as a Brother

The other night driving back from the airport with both the former and present Mother Generals of SAPs, I had a short but nice conversation with Sr Ernestine. I've had it with others too but not too often. People ask me why I didn't become a Priest and decided to remain a Brother life long? I ask them in return, Why should I become a Priest at all? Just because I can speak well, I'm intelligent, I'm capable ... are these the core of Priesthood? Truly, I've never felt the call to be a Priest.... but Don Bosco, YES!! So why should I force myself to become something that I'm not called to be! People tell me I'll make a very good priest. But that's not what I've been called to! I certainly may do well, but in the heart of heart I'll know that it is I who want to become a Priest - not the One who called me!

My Salesian life...

Sometimes I just let my mind wander a bit and dwell on strange thoughts... me being out of the congregation, me working in a very rural and completely telugu mission station... and so on!! Most of these are entertained during boring sermons!! Well, somehow, even in instances where I let my mind wander about me being out of the congregation, there's something still Salesian about me there, in that state of life too!! Somehow the thought of what would I be had I not joined the Salesians at all, just doesn't come! And to be also aware that even after attending the vocation camp, I had no intention of joining the Salesians is a real paradox of thought!! So here I am: a few years ago never thought of being a Salesian, and now cannot think anything without a tinge of Salesianity!

Depth of a person... for what?

Reading the writings and reflections of great men and women, I wonder where do they get such splendid ideas and thoughts. Then there is also this selfish intercession, 'Lord help me also get such ideas!' But thinking a bit deeper about these personalities, say our own Rector Major, Fr Chavez himself, I cannot avoid noticing the depth and strength they manifest. Looking at them and hearing them, you know they have something more than the rest of us. They are made up of a different substance all together, within. With that also dawns the realisation, that they are where they are now, not merely because they wanted to be there! They are where they are because God wanted them there!

This thought has been strengthened by my little experience with Sr Franceschina, the Mother General of SAPs, who laid down office today. She exudes a sense of grace and confidence that binds you and makes you say, 'Wow'! Last of all, comes the unwilling prayer: 'Lord, not my will but Yours!'

Vocations as the crowning glory of Youth Ministry

I've heard this phrase often... 'Vocations as the crowning glory of Youth Ministry' and feel guilty every time I hear it. I'm the only one to survive from Don Bosco school, Sanathnagar!! Among the thousands who've passed out of Don Bosco, Sanathnagar why is it that only one opted and is still a Salesian. In the Vietnam and Thailand provinces, I'm told that there get a good number of vocations from the tribal groups we work with. Why is this not true of the dozen technical and boarding schools that we have in the Province? After so many years of living, interacting and being enriched by us, why don't they make that final 'yes' to become Salesians? Something lacking somewhere...

Let God... rest awhile!

Let God also rest a while!! Often we "trust" God so much, I wonder if He is able to rest a while!! I'm reminded of that anecdote of Anthony De Mello: A disciple came riding on a camel to the tent of his Sufi master and walked in. "So great is my trust in God that I've left my camel outside untied, convinced that God protects the interests of those who love him." I love the response of the Master: "Go tie you camel, you fool!! God cannot be bothered doing for you what you are perfectly capable of doing for yourself."

Shrunken faces and spirituality

Last night Alphonse, our cook made a very spontaneous and innocent statement which caught my attention immediately. It was regarding the Sisters who left the refectory within 20 mins after their supper - something unusual given the long time they'd spend otherwise. The reason according to Alphonse: "They started their retreat." How did he come to know that? "They were silent and their faces shrunk!" If our witness power is just that much - silence and shrunken faces - it says a great deal about the impact such a great source of spiritual renewal has on others and more importantly on us!