Belief - dare - belief!

Read a nice quote of Patrick Overton in the mortuary letter of Fr Michael Mundanthanath (IND)... 'When we walk to the edge of all thte light that we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of the two things will happen. There is something solid for us to stand on or, we will be taught how to fly'. Nice!
Perhaps this is the reason most of us just stand still... because we do not believe! We stand still for fear of the next step, we fail because the thought of some 'solid ground' or 'the art of flying' is not an option we think about. We fear the dark, we dare not see beyond and through the darkness. Hence most of us stay put where we are! Silent pillars in the dark!

The least in the The Last Supper

A few days ago I was reminded of Joey Velasco, the Filipino painter. I came across this - perhaps his most famous to date - painting when on my trip to the Philippines in October last: The Last Supper with the Street Children. I couldn't take my eyes off the painting and the image of that painting is very very "haunting", truly! I was told that there is a book too about the whole painting with a description of each character etched out in such lively manner in the painting. I'm yet to find the book. But the painting itself is nothing short of a novel!! The most gripping character is the one on the left bottom eating while seated on the floor. I had received just that shot a couple of years ago, along with an e-mail message requesting people not to waste food. I still have it with me. In fact whenever I see that image in my collection, I feel a strong tug in my heart.

I know not if I can spell in exact terms what my heart feels when I see this painting especially the part which I just spoke about...! Perhaps I dare not for then it would stop inspiring me in different ways and at different modes of my life. Surely God has his own ways of making His presence felt! I only pray that I have eyes good enough to see Him and a heart wide enough to invite Him.

Nothing specific!

Tough day today too... marathon meeting! Wondering how the world still goes on, how life goes on.... so many complexities, so many problems, so many things to bear in mind and aspects to look into. God must be something really dynamic to be able to coordinate so many things of life! I'm struggling with my little office and petty works. I leave the office to pick up some paper in the next room and end up in another area of the building doing something else altogether - not anything irrelevant but equally important, if not more important that the one that I set out to do! But I guess it is all a matter of coordination and organising oneself. The world existed before me and will continue to do so even after me! Only hope to make myself a little different - perhaps, 'better' is a more fitting word - than yesterday.

Workstyle: goal and process

A hectic day ... meetings are always exhausting! Anyway, surprising was the amout of paper work we put in! Just imagine 4-pages x 12 themes! I also am aware that the whole package of last year is still intact with me in the office! And each page drafted, revised, edited, checked, discussed and redone (still to be polished)!!! I suppose it is like the Tabor experience - from the ground reality to the paper and from the paper to the ground reality.

Also sitting in the hall as an observer has its own advantages. One gets to see the whole process/discussion from a distance. (I remember Fr Ivo speaking of 'maintaining a historical distance' as a criteria for reaching the truth.) Not that I claim to have attained the 'truth' watching the whole process, but it is an experience by itself. Some respond for every intervention, others lost at the whole process only to be dragged in all of a sudden when their name crops up or their sector is mentioned. Then there are those who just want to get over with the whole schedule or their presentation. Of course, some keep hopping from the sleep-zone to the waking-zone to the vigourous-intervention-mode. There are some who intervene only when specifically asked to do so. Those who intervene without knowing what exactly is being discussed provide the best 'entertainment'.

Now to what is my contribution (not shared in the group, though): Most of the difference of opinion is because each one sees only a part of the whole. Perhaps the need is to see the whole - at least, a glimpse of it. Now again wondering: can I see the whole without seeing the parts? Well, I believe, it is better to have variety of opinion than everyone thinking alike. (When everyone thinks alike, one one thinks much!) But sticking on adamantly to one's opinion as the only possible way out or the best possible thought gives rise to unnecessary discussion and at times even leads to misunderstandings.

Anyhow, whether I see the whole picture? Not at all! Look forward to others to enlighten! But I'm happy this way. Perhaps if everything was clear, I'd be god! I'd prefer to be the rat lost in a maze than the one caught in a race (- escapism? maybe)!

Sr Eusebia Palomino and serenity...

This morning as I moved towards the Chapel for Mass I remembered that yesterday was the feastday of Sr Maria Romero, a Salesian Sister. Anyway, my mind drifted and I joyfully spent my meditation on another Salesian Sister on the road to Canonisation: Sr Palomino. Well I read her life and am truly fascinated by it.

She came from a very poor family, so poor that she had to go begging for food and basic necessities of life with her father when she was just a small kid. But she learnt very many things during those 'expeditions'. She never got to go to a school for studies and spent her whole life in the houses of rich people doing menial jobs. She later got to go to the Salesian Sisters convent and joined there as a maid. She slowly realised her vocation to become a Sister and with great difficulty became one. However, she continued to work in the kitchen, cooking, cleaning, washing and gardening. What amazed me is that even there she continued to 'touch people's lives'. Children, attending the school, would rush to the convent to meet 'their kitchen-Sister'.

Even when the end came (she was very young) she refused to leave her homeland for fear of llife due to insurgency and political unrest. She was killed! Yet all her life one cannot but avoid noticing the serenity and depth of life. Surely she had her roots deep inside somewhere strong and secure. Nothing that happened around her could lead her to desperation and fatigue!

Lord, grant me that strength...

Called to be fishermen... or the bait?

After bath this evening my eyes fell on the calendar in my room... which has a nice painting of Joey Velasco, a Filipino painter who has a knack at painting scenes with a real depth of meaning and purpose. The month has a short reflection on being called to be fishermen for God. I was wondering if Jesus called His disciples to be 'fishers of men' then there must be something special about it. Toying with the idea I found myself imagining what would be the bait used by the 'fishermen'. I realised the best and only bait could be my life, my words, my relationships.... in short, my whole self! Anything other than that is not good enough for the catch intended! So perhaps when Jesus is calling us to be 'fishers of men' what He truly means is that we be the bait of The Fisherman.

Doctrine or relationship...?

This evening - my last one here in KJC, Bangalore - I was reading a book about rediscovering spirituality wherein there was a story narrated about a young man named Ian, who is in search of answers. Though a non-practicing Christian, he had a deep and sincere love for nature and in the process of pursuing his environmental studies begins to be plagued with questions to which he seeks answers. Some of his Hindu friends help him with what they believe in. He hunts a Sikh - seeing his turban! Till a day when questions about his own faith - one may call it so, the Christian faith - surface. His parents unable to answer him direct him to a minister in the Church. In all sincerity and innocence he meets the minister in the Church and pours out his heart to him. Just as he is about to pose the haunting questions, the minister in an indignant tone asks him, "Do you believe in Jesus Christ?" Ian, totally ignorant and perplexed about the question and finding no link between his love for nature and Jesus suddenly finds his meeting with the minister very uncomfortable. With formal goodbyes and thank yous they leave their places... the minister content that he has avoided a debate on Christianity and Ian distraught and scarred at this betrayal.

I know not what is more important: doctrine or relationship? But this I vouch for, doubt-discussed is more faith'ful' than doubt-avoided! Perhaps in our dealings with young people, we fear loosing the argument and hence shut them up saying 'This is it, we do not question everything' or 'There are things we do not doubt'. Why should one be worried about winning or losing the argument? (May be the ego is too inflated!) I feel it is better to talk it out than supress views, opinions, beliefs and arguments.

What ultimately the young look forward to is a listening ear and an understanding heart... answers are the least they expect from me. Listen to them, understand their views, offer a piece of advice - or better still share a personal experience - and most important of all, assure them of your assistance... let them know that they have a friend in you, no matter what! As for the answers, they will arrive in due time!

Witnessing...

It was exactly three years ago on this very day (Feastday of St Thomas) that I reached Shillong. Being a Sunday went to participate in the Holy Mass in the Parish ... Khasi Mass. Remember with great amusement the fact that in spite of carefully paying attention all through the Mass, I managed to understand just three words during the whole service: India, Madras, St Thomas!!! Anyway, speaking of life and stay in Shillong always floods my mind with beautiful memories... maybe sometime later!

Listening to Fr Anchu this morning give the sermon on his feastday, I was wondering why did St Thomas find it hard to believe his own companions... those with whom he shared three years of his life in close collaboration! And as if Fr Anchu read my mind, he proposed this idea which struck me as something quite possible: Perhaps the witness of those apostles who saw the Risen Lord was not convincing enough for Thomas! Thomas therefore, instead of relying on some second hand information - that too unconvincing! - or ride piggyback on somebody else's experience, decided to make his own experience before anything. And we all know the rest of the story... 'My Lord and my God!'

In the light of what I shared also when I heard of the death of Fr Moyalan, I now feel all the more convinced of the need to be convinced through our own experience and life. Not possible always, but that does not and should not exempt us from attempting to seek a personal experience. This idea will surely help us in viewing the 'doubting Thomas' in a new and different light. ... May his tribe increase!

God make me strong enough to be a witness and that too a credible witness of Yourself... not some dead monument to an ideology.

Judgement and experience...

Remembered this morning about something that I discussed with my students in a class of Epistemology sometime ago. The whole point about judgement and experience... what comes first and how and why? Somehow, I remember sharing with them the following that I read in a college magazine:

A note was stuck on the science lab which read 'Good judgement comes from experience' and someone then asked, 'What about experience?'. "Ah, experience, that comes from bad judgement!"

Well then, rather than initiate the chicken or egg debate, I left it at that.

Perhaps good to leave a few questions unanswered rather than provide solutions for everything in life! They say our human brains function like parachutes: useful only when open!

Prejudices and Impressions...

Heard this morning about the tragic death of Fr Johnson Moyalan... and immediately my mind went to some other people connected with him in his life! How humanly we often think - if not mostly! During the meditation this morning I was wondering if everything now seemed OK... whether now things would settle down. But somehow could not make sense of things! Thought it best to leave it in the hands of God.

Later during the day when people enquired about the deceased I was quite enthusiastic and convincingly shared news and views - that too with an air of authority. Only later to be humbled - and ashamed - by the realisation that I never lived with this person, not even met him!! How then could I speak of him with such conviction? I realised I was speaking from here say... what others said I made it my own... but can I do so? Perhaps most of our knowledge and information is from others but unless I'm convinced of it or have verified it, I doubt if I can authoritatively speak about it - all the more if it concerns the life of people.

The more I thought about the death and him, the more my mind wandered off in several other directions, till I decided to simply pray - but again, not sure what for!!!