Here are a few more insights from the same book Whale Done: Parenting
- (39 ff) ... what behaviour pattern are you rewarding, especially in public? (that's why the phrase on p. 11 "He's trained us well!") ...rather use reinforcements to affirm the positive behaviour you expect... do not take notice of the behaviour you do not want your child to grow in... ensure that the reinforcement is immediate and varied (diversify the rewards).
- (44) earn their trust
- (46) take small steps...
- (56) focus not on the behaviour but the thinking behind it to the need that motivates it. (very much related to viewing things from the children's perspective).
- (70) ask them to do it... and then reward them for doing it.
- (77) Avoid the overusage of 'No'... create an atmosphere wherein you won't have to use that word. Also emphasize and reward what you want done.
- (87) Observe what he seeks attention for
- (90) with younger children use redirection... get their attention to something else and then help resolve the issue at hand. With older children and adults use reasoning...
- (106) Do not try to reason with an upset person. Leave the area - do something else (take time out). Let the situation cool down.
While some of these may sound too simple or very evident, but read in the context and attempting to actually put into practice, will help see how we (grown ups) need to consciously adopt this methodology to be better rather than make children do things our way.