You be Jesus

Here's something that I read today and couldn't stop laughing since...

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. 'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, 'Ryan, you be Jesus !' 

Mother-tongue

This evening I spent some time with Fr TV Thomas and here's one of his collection:

Why is there always a mother-tongue but no father-tongue?
Because the father hardly gets to use his tongue!

Mosquitoes for a purpose?

Here's another one on mosquitoes:

The good Lord did not create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

Positive side of life

A baby mosquito returns after its maiden flight to its mum and the mother asks, "How was your first flight experience dear?" "Fantastic! Everyone was clapping!" replied the baby mosquito. Now that's optimism, seeing the positive side of things (even if it is unknowingly!).

Sermons and chicken

Hearing the long-winding sermons of Fr KT, I was reminded of a joke I heard long time ago: A Priest reaches the altar for a Sunday Mass and finds only one person in the Church. After the gospel, he asks if he should proceed with the sermon. The man in the Church responds, "I own a poultry and when it is time to feed the chicken, and even if only one chicken comes, I feed it." Taking that for a 'yes', the Priest launches out into a zealous full-doze sermon. After the Mass, the Priest asks the man of what he thought of the liturgy of the day. The man replies, "I own a poultry and when it is time to feed the chicken, and even if only one chicken comes, I feed it. But I don't feed it the whole sack!"

Use the brain, atleast!

While at Navajeevan, Vizag Fr TV asked me if I was interested in using an original fountain pen. I had no such intentions at all. My Rs 1.50 pen works perfectly well with me and I with it. However, what was interesting was our struggle to see where exactly does one fit in the ink cartridges provided with that! I was carefully trying to see the pen, its interior and what not. TV looked around and just jammed it up the refill cabinet! That was it! And then he repeated his father's quotation:

If you cannot use anything atleast use your brain.

Gleanings from the Formation meet-5

Perhaps the last of this series... (on a lighter side).
As we were concluding the meeting someone quoted the one who fumbled with words at a meeting and said: I thank you all from the heart of my bottom! Thathi added an experience of his while in Rome. For a special Mass, the Salesians from Africa led the entrance procession with a dance. Thathi and a friend of his (who happened to be missionary in Africa) could not but notice the heavy hip and butt movement. As the procession reached the altar, Thathi's friend leaned into Thathi and whispered: "That's where they find God!"

'Singers' with a vengeance!

Amidst all the excitement and tension of the Seminary day, Fr Wilson's remark about the gift of music was very relaxing.

Even those not gifted with a good voice or a sense of music sing, if not for love of music at least for revenge at God for not having blessed them with that grace!

Herculean, the Hilarious!

I received an e-mail today and when I read the last line, I almost fell off my chair laughing:

Due to unprecedented delay in receiving data from certain Arch/Diocesan offices, we regret to inform you that the publication of The Catholic Directory of India 2010 is slated to be released in December, 2010. You shall receive your copy/ies as soon as it is ready .

Since it is a hilarious task, we seek your continued support and kind patience.

Definition of a Cemetery

Definition of a CEMETERY: A place people are dying to go to!

In life than in death

The discussion and arguments at the staff table are really down to earth and lively. This afternoon speaking about one of them, a senior confrere narrated that when he was the director of a national institute, there was a Sister with whom he was not getting along well. With great difficulty he got her Provincial to move her out of the institute. As she left the institute, bitter and angry, she threatened this Father that her soul would haunt him after her death. The Father gently replied, "It's not your soul, after your death that I am afraid of but of you when alive!!"

Back at KJC, Bangalore

I'm right now in the place where I first began to blog and am also sitting in the very room when I started this blog... Fr Joy's office at KJC, Bangalore. I'm here to take a course on Ancient Western Philosophy for the first year Philosophy students. They are 48 of them from 6 different congregations including three sisters. I had the first four hours this morning and it was fine... not all that bright and intelligent but not as dull and dumb as I had mentally prepared myself.

The best part of the class this morning when I asked them where Greece was... and there was no answer. During the break one of them came up with answer: in the cycle!! Well I have another four days to go and let's see what more they come up with.

Irony

I chanced upon this site a while ago and I had a good laugh... here's one for sample!

see more Friends of Irony

Charity drive!

After a long while I received an email from Fr Koshy...

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motor way. Nothing has moved for half an hour when suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"
Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Bal Thackeray, Udav, Raj and a few more ministers. They're asking for a 10 million ransom or they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up a collection.
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"Most people are giving about a litre!"

Some amusement!

After a long "battle" with the sms service, I finally managed to get it right! Thanks to Fr PT and Mr Patric for their constant guidance and support. However, I am yet to tackle the Reliance guys!! Hope to meet them in their 'den' this evening.

Well, to cool my nerves here's something I got through the sms and since then I couldn't stop laughing:
Q: In which battle was Chengez Khan killed?
A: His last one!

Straying into sense!

As I began correcting the 'Introduction to Philosophy' answer papers of our Brothers from Karunapuram, I had some good fun today. You never know how some of them come up with certain crazy ideas or interpret something as simple as plain names and places! I remembered what a lay person once told about correcting answer papers of seminarians: "I scrutinize the papers very minutely for you never know when the students stray into sense!"

"Return" to Don Bosco

I'm just back from a community where boys after their first semester of Salesiana were given a test/quiz. Here are some of their answers ...

• Castelnuovo: Capital of Turin.
• Dominic Savio's prayer: Strike me dead if I am about sin.
• Dominic Savio: a good man
• Oratory: place where they dives divides into sodalities.
• Oratory: they used to change places from one place to another place.
• Penance of Dominic Savio: by putting stones in his shoes under the bed.
• When did Fr Alasonatti join Don Bosco? A year ago.
• St Martin of Mills: Place requested by Don Bosco as cemetry for his boys.
• Pinardi Shed: It was rented by the Philippi Brothers.
• Rosimini House: It was a place of St Peter Chains.
• Condition in the oratory: not so active or enthusiastic due to various reasons
• Convitto Ecclesiastico: where Don Bosco did his secondary schooling.

With such answers, there sure is no return to Don Bosco!!!
However, boys will be boys!! I'm sure Don Bosco himself is laughing away!

Power and position

Here's something from Fr Joshtrom from his experience and stay in Europe:
A Salesian confrere telling the audience at the occasion of the installation of a Provincial who took charge a second time: "To be the Provincial the first time is tragic enough. But to be a Provincial the second time is sheer carelessness!"That's Fr Joshtrom (on the right) receiving the first copy of the Memoirs of the Oratory (an abridged version, in English, of the original autobiography of Don Bosco). The book is the handiwork of Fr John Lens.... one of the many!!

Getting around with kids

Last night I accidentally came across the compilation of humourous anecdotes and quotes by Fr Lens. Of the two or more pages that I glanced through, he's what I liked best:

Come children, says mother, time for lunch. Put off the TV, so that those people also can go for lunch!

Mariadas is one whom I admire for his ways of getting children to do what he wants them to do. Dealing with them, is all a matter of putting things in a manner that appeals to them. Once they see it, as something worth doing, then there's no way one can prevent them from doing that. Fellows like me, are still to master that art!!

Chain mails... retorted!

An extract from the long list of hilarious things narrated by a frustrated victim of chain mails. All of us 'tortured' by this chain mails will surely connect the context.

I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times.. (Poor girl! she's been 7 since 1993...)
Forwarded hundreds of mails but still waiting for FREE DESKTOP, LAPTOP, CAMERA, CELLPHONE etc.

The best was the tag line:

IMPORTANT NOTE:
If you do not send this e-mail to at least 11,246 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will P on your head today at 6:30pm.