Back in Kondadaba, life is already in full swing. We had the youth retreat this day... tiring and hopefully impact-filled for the 160 youth who attended the retreat. Personally for me, it was very tiresome. Not that I did anything for the retreat. Far from that, I was only supervising.
What drained me today was some of things I witnessed Brothers upto, that too immediately after the retreat. I arrived here last evening and very many told me that they liked the retreat and it did them good. But their behaviour and actions, showed little or no change at all, least of all their thought pattern or attitudes.
The worst I felt was when I saw so many of them clamouring to meet a particular Sister who was part of the retreat team, who according to many, shared with them their past and deepest thoughts. I realised this was true even last year too. But what pissed me off, was that our Brothers, at least quite a few of them, were only 'thrilled' by this...not moved by it. This whole experience, the retreat experience, remains at the emotional or feeling level. It does not percolate to deeper levels and help them review their life and take stock of situations. It does not help them form, or atleast make effort at forming, convictions.
Very many use their petty idea of spirituality and prayer as a shield justify their reason to be in the Seminary and enough reason to be Priests. Perhaps the Brothers cannot be blamed entirely too. They join the seminary for varied reasons and when they see that consecrated life is the easiest way of living a luxurious life (eating the cake and having it too) being lived out by their elders and those who are to be challenging role models, they justify their lethargy.