This season of Lent so far has been a very nourishing time by way of reflection on my own relationship with God. One of the most "haunting" thing that I've been meditating on these days is my own actions and their connection with my relationship with God.
I grew up in a Catholic ambiance all through my life. I was told by my parents, teachers, priests and religious that if I did 'this and this' it would show that I loved God. All of these prescribed actions were good. Going for Mass, doing penance doing Lent, being king and good to others, helping those in need, not being violent... Engaging in these activities meant that I loved God. However, over the years I've discovered that merely doing all of these, while being beneficial, really did not help me know or come close to God! I felt good about myself. I was appreciated by others. But within me it did not always help me develop my relationship with God. Perhaps these activities had become an end in themselves.
I slowly began to discover that if I inverse the equation: not, activities and therefore God but love God and from there flow activities, it was very liberating. However, there is at times a sense of vacuum, a gap. A time comes when you give up certain activities you have been doing all your life and are in the process of thinking what would flow from my personal relationship with God. That gap period is a sort of uneasiness. An uncomfortable phase. You are no more doing the old activities that made you feel good. Neither do you want to do them because they really don't stem from your love for God but out of a habit, ending in itself. Am I doing the right thing??
On the other hand, it is also a liberating feeling when you do things for love of God and not merely continue tradition to make oneself feel good - however good or noble they may be. Perhaps that's the meaning of Lent being a season of spring, new life!
I grew up in a Catholic ambiance all through my life. I was told by my parents, teachers, priests and religious that if I did 'this and this' it would show that I loved God. All of these prescribed actions were good. Going for Mass, doing penance doing Lent, being king and good to others, helping those in need, not being violent... Engaging in these activities meant that I loved God. However, over the years I've discovered that merely doing all of these, while being beneficial, really did not help me know or come close to God! I felt good about myself. I was appreciated by others. But within me it did not always help me develop my relationship with God. Perhaps these activities had become an end in themselves.
I slowly began to discover that if I inverse the equation: not, activities and therefore God but love God and from there flow activities, it was very liberating. However, there is at times a sense of vacuum, a gap. A time comes when you give up certain activities you have been doing all your life and are in the process of thinking what would flow from my personal relationship with God. That gap period is a sort of uneasiness. An uncomfortable phase. You are no more doing the old activities that made you feel good. Neither do you want to do them because they really don't stem from your love for God but out of a habit, ending in itself. Am I doing the right thing??
On the other hand, it is also a liberating feeling when you do things for love of God and not merely continue tradition to make oneself feel good - however good or noble they may be. Perhaps that's the meaning of Lent being a season of spring, new life!
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