AI workshop

I have been attending an Artificial Intelligence (AI) workshop at the Provincial house since three days. I opted for participating in it to learn and explore the possibilities of the technological availability of the AI. The biggest challenge I personally feel is the shift from moving to being a user to creator. Even being a user is something not mastered by me, yet! 

Secondly a shift in mentality, from the traditional means of operation to a more technological based process to facilitate efficiency and save time. 

Next is a lack of clarity of what to do with it?  But I see it only as an initial hiccup. 

I personally would like to explore it for analysing data, utilising networking tools for greater and efficient collaboration with other offices in the Provincial house, and finally for the communication network of the Province. 

Finally, a pic generated through AI...

Self-sustainability or apostolate sustainability

 Investment in the revenue generating institutions to increase self-sustainability… while this investment is being done, are we undoing the apostolates/places (boardings, street children,) where this revenue is to be spent? Seen positively, we could be moving from institutional structures to non-institutional apostolate (scholarships, migrants,) . But needs to be made consciously and strategically, not sporadically or ‘unconsciously’. Also, this needs to be done, with a new and different mindset; not the same old doling out mode. Negatively, there is an erosion of the ‘poor’ from our sphere of apostolate. 

Self-deceiving illusion

 Very often we live in a world of our own.  We fail to see our own shortcomings but see others faults very clearly. We speak and act as if what I think and do are the best and the most appropriate means to success.  What others think or do is always messy and insufficient.  

The tragedy is when we consistently do this, and make ourselves believe that this self-image is right. Everything else and everyone else has to change. Not I!  

Blessed are those who can view themselves with the same lens as we see others.  And see others, as we see ourselves! 

Closer home

 A natural human tendency that one gets to see most often in strenuous or long pilgrimages or journeys: no matter how weary or tired one is, the awareness of being closer to home or destination spurs us on greatly.  There is an adrenalin rush when one sees home or the finishing line in sight.  

I remember the Student cross pilgrimage walk from Ely to Walshingham nearly 5 years ago.  As we were getting closer to the Shrine, the sound and gusto of our hymns and singing increased. Our feet naturally gained fresh strength, even though we were dragging our feet after three days of continuous walk and climb. A couple of youngsters even broke down in joyful tears when we stepped into the small chapel at the place.  Embracing one another, jumping about, shaking hands... all with such enthusiasm and freshness, as if we just started our journey that morning.  There were no traces of our long journey (except for our stench of not having bathed for three days!).  

Religious vows

 When we make our vows, as religious men and women, we really never understand fully the depth of its implications!  Even if we do understand it to a great extent, we often do not live it fully!  

The vow indicates a total surrender. A complete submission of all of ourselves.  Holding back nothing.  But our human insecurities prevent us from this complete surrender or total submission.  In the process, we neither live our human life fully nor our religious vows.  Worse is when we make use of one for the other, merely for our personal petty plans! 

Fr James Kudiyirippil - funeral oration

 Fr James Kudiyirippil SDB - Funeral oration

06 July 2024 

It is often said that when we watch people from afar they appear nice and good; but when we start to closely interact with them or live with them, we see how flawed they are. 

I consider myself fortunate to have had both these opportunities with Fr James. I’ve seen and observed him from a distance as my headmaster, right since my early days of schooling at Don Bosco School, Mothinagar and later from close quarters, as a fellow Salesian, and as a friend, also to my whole family. But the beauty of it all was that I found Fr James the same all along: simple, hardworking and totally unassuming. 

As news of his passing away was made known, several of my school mates started posting their memories of Fr James on our class X whatsapp group. Allow me to present a few of them: 

In my fifth class itself he made me give my first speech on stage on the occasion of Fr Lens’ birthday. He made me practice day and night and I was impromptu on the stage that day. That was my first experience. 

What I am today especially in communication is because of him. He played a very important role in my life. 

I have special memories of him coach us for basketball and we made him super happy winning tournaments. 

I recall the screenings of Benhur on his VCR. 

He was such a warm person, kind-hearted although looked strict. 

He served the school with dedication and compassion for years. He led the school with a firm but fair hand, fostering a nurturing environment that encouraged learning and growth. We miss you! 

These are just a few of the expressions of only my class X batchmates. If we were to compile even just a line of what each student felt, over the years that Fr James spent at Mothinagar it would take ages to go through. 

Fr James you always took great pride in your students. Every time I met you in the presence of others, you proudly claimed me to be your student. On my part, I always was and will ever be grateful to you for your great educative role in my life, in the life of my family, in the life of every staff and student who has had the good fortune of knowing you, be it at Mothinagar, Guntupalli, Gunadala or Karunapuram. 

Random memories that are forever etched in my mind: 

 Him playing cricket with us boys during holidays in the school ground, although he was never fond of cricket. Basketball and football were his favourite, but he never forced us to join those games, rather he joined us in what we liked to play. 

 Planting saplings along the playground (which are now huge trees along the ground at Mothinagar, all planted by my friends and I, under the supervision of Fr James). 

 Him addressing the young Salesians as ‘foolish fellow’ – but none took offence because it was said out of genuine love and concern. 

 His special hair-style, always the same and never a strand out of place! 

Well, dear Fr James, you were firm but fair, strict with us for our own good and with no personal agenda, you were kind to all those in need, generous with your time and priestly help to all those approached you. 

Thank you for your inspiration and good example of hard unassuming work, of personal and professional discipline, of loving kindness like that of Don Bosco… and most of all, for being an integral part of my life and growth. You will always be remembered! Thank you dear Fr James!

School days - or holidays - with Fr James

 Fr James has been hanging on to his dear life for almost a week now. His mind is still active, but communication is totally incoherent. So we don't know what exactly is he going through.  

This evening as I was trying to recollect some memories of him, as my headmaster, I barely could remember any.  Very vague images of him walking around the campus and corridors in cassock, him standing and addressing the school assembly on the 'new' stage, him taking social studies for us in class X (his topics were more about his trips and experiences than social!).  But something very clear is his joining us for games during holidays.  

Every summer some of us would be in the school ground morning and evening.  Fr James would join us in the evenings.  If by chance he was gardening then we'd also end up gardening - not because we wanted it, but he got us to do it!! But he would join us for games.  However it struck me, in all those months and years we played, every summer and holiday time, we always played cricket!  There is only twice or thrice in a whole lifetime that I would have played basketball.  And I remember him playing with us (along with Rajiv, the electrician and some brothers).  And then, perhaps a dozen times we would have played football.  Even those football games I remember him, making clever passes, without running much or dodging!  He also played some odd games we played. Like the one with sticks and stones - he still remembers that very fondly!  Then some game with the small rubber ball alone - which Fr Benji never understood! But for the rest (perhaps 98% of the time) we played cricket!  And all that while, not once, do I remember him complaining or trying to coax us to play basketball - which was his favourite. Nor did he belittle our games and playing style. He would correct us if we did a mistake. We also turned to him for final decisions on disputed matters, even though he belonged to one of the teams as a player.  But never did he utter a word moaning or grumbling about anything.  He truly was with us, enjoying the game - even when it was never his favourite games.  

Balancing

 Never came across this version of the text of St Paul... (to the 2nd Corinthians)

Remember how generous the Lord Jesus was: he was rich, but he became poor for your sake, to make you rich out of his poverty.  This does not mean that to give relief to others you ought to make things difficult for yourselves: it is a question of balancing what happens to be your surplus now against their present need, and one day they may have something to spare that will supply your own need. That is how we strike a balance: The man who gathered much had none too much, the man who gathered little did not go short. 

Living the moment

 Amidst all the 'what ifs' we keep missing out the 'what is'!!

Experience of God vs attendance at prayer

 Continued insistence on attendance at community prayer has been done for ages.  How far have we reached with that?  Perhaps we haven't really become men of prayer or men of God, because we have aimed low, staggeringly low! Even that regular attendance is not achieved! 

Ask for something, you get nothing.  Ask for much, you get everything! 

Therefore aim for a personal experience of God.  Draw up corresponding lines of action (I understand, attendance at prayer is one of them).  If one does have an experience of God, daily attendance will happen by default.  

Going solo

 We often have this tendency of going solo.  We prefer to do things by ourselves. The way 'I' want it. Even amidst a team or a group, it is preferably 'I'.  

In our lives as priests and religious too this tendency is very much to be seen.  However, the extreme of this procedure is when we even exclude God from our purview.  God does not feature in our plans, our projects, our endeavours.  Naturally when God does not find a place, people too do not find a place.  Adversely, if we are willing and happy to make place for God in our plans, and endeavours, involving people - ALL people - will not be too much of a hassle.  It will only be natural and joyful!

Timing

 There is the age old saying, 

The early bird gets the worm. 

Today it occurred to me... 

...and the earlier worm, escapes the bird! 

I guess it is all about timing. 

No Jesus?

 Interesting article challenging the belief that Jesus was a historical figure! .... There was no Jesus

Different groups of people who look at the person and the history of Jesus from different angles: The Christian theologians, who believe that Jesus was real... including all his miracles, resurrection... 

Then there are the liberal Christians, who separate faith from history.  They are willing to review and accept evidence about the non-existence of Jesus, without actually disrupting their traditional belief. 

The third group who would believe in a historical Jesus, sans the miracle-rich aspects of the New Testament. 

The author of the above article claims to be of the fourth minor group which doubts altogether the earthly existence of Jesus.  The theory suggests that Jesus was a mythological figure, like Romulus or Robin Hood. 

Major argument being: No historical records of Jesus during his lifetime.  All posthumous records. 

But I think the closest the author gets to proving is (as in his own words): ... if Jesus did exist, we know next to nothing about him. 

Hypatia and Christian militantism

 It is easy to grow blind to one's own mistakes or faults.  The same can very specially be true of one's own belief, religion, family or group.  Once we realise this drawback, one ought to beware of it consciously and repeatedly check ourselves, to be open to criticism and feedback.  

One such historical blunder that Christianity made in its early history was the 'murder' of Hypatia.  The following video clearly spells out the incidents that led to the death of this scholarly woman and eventually the decline of philosophical thinking in Greece.  In a way, if Christianity replaced the 'crude' paganism of the Roman era, it also did away with other good things... not all of which can be classified under 'collateral damage'. 

Of course, to now blame Christianity for this, in the twenty-first century, would not be any wiser.  But important lessons from history should always be learnt.  

Forgiveness and hell

 More than two decades ago while studying philosophy for the first time at Yercaud, I heard this particular theory of hell (from Fr Stan), which quite startled me.  He said that there is hell, but there's no one therein!  It was quite strange for me to hear that, after a whole lifetime of hearing that all bad people end up in hell.  Surely to now imagine an empty hell was quite a task.  (Of course, in the later years, visiting the Karunapuram Shrine and viewing all the graphic depiction of people being roasted on fire by two devils, or being deep-fried in boiling oil... was quite amusing!). 

Recently reading a particular court case of a woman being tried for a hit-and-run case which took place 7 years ago, and which he vehemently denied, even after showing clear evidence for the accident, the author spoke something similar about hell.  This particular woman, kept denying the accident in the belief that God told her that she only hit a pole and not a person, and after much evidence and proof, she accepted to only hitting a homeless person (as if there was no difference between a pole and a homeless person!).  The author of the article speaks of hell as something locked up from the inside.  And that we put ourselves there and only we can let ourselves out - but often, don't!  In the case of this woman, she put herself there, her self-deception put her there, her lies put her in... and she made herself at home! 

Meaning of success

 Some interesting quotes from Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Kind," said the boy.

 

"What do you think success is?" asked the boy. 

"To love," said the mole. 

 

"What do you think is the biggest waste of time?"

"Comparing yourself to others," said the mole. 

 

"One of the greatest freedoms is how we react to things"

 

"Often the hardest person to forgive is yourself."

Creation lessons

The creation story in the Bible has God working six days of the week and on the seventh day, taking rest. There is from then on, this whole lord of the work vs lord of rest debate.  Interestingly the Lord works six days and rests only one day... after admiring all the good he has done.  In general, we tend to focus on the final day of rest as special, important.  So Sunday is always special.  It is holy day.  

Let's look at it from the creation's perspective.  I think there was nothing special about the day.  From the work and creation perspective it was a break.  A pause.  A time to recuperate, rejuvenate, revive.  Not just the Lord, the creator but creation as well.  

As for the debate between the lord of work vs the lord of prayer... we need to primarily keep in mind, that ultimately it is the same Lord!!  

St Joseph, the worker

 We remember St Joseph, the worker today. It is interesting to note that the one thing (among many others, I'm sure) that Jesus learned from Joseph was basic carpentry! The hymn during the prayers has this particular verse which is very interesting... 

And surely 'twas a gracious thing 

when, standing at his father's knee, 

The world's great Craftsman and its King

Not king but craftsman learned to be. 

True indeed, if Jesus were to have learned carpentry from God the Father, it would have only been through some magic. But here he had the opportunity to learn firsthand from someone who knew his craft.  

Tributes to one's dad

It has been a while now, since I came across these two songs... both of them about the figure of the father in the family, especially from the perspective of the child.  Two very beautiful and moving tributes to their respective Dads... Very very meaningful and heartfelt, deep from one's own personal experience. 

Jax - Like my father loves my mom

I wanna come home to roses, 

Dirty little notes on post-its

And when my hair starts turning grey,

He'll say I'm like fine wine, better with age.

I guess I learnt it from my parents,

that true love starts with friendship

A kiss on the forehead, a date night

fake an apology after a fight.

I need a man, who's patient and kind

Gets out of the car and holds the door

I wanna slow dance, in the living room like 

we're 18 at senior prom and grow old with someone 

who makes me feel young 

I need a man, who loves me like ...

my father who loves my mom! 

The other one is about a son expressing his anguish at his dad's serious illness. 

Dean Lewis - How do I say goodbye...

How do I say goodbye 

to someone who's been with me for my whole damn life 

you gave me name and the colour of my eyes

I see your face when I look at mine

So how do I say goodbye

An eternal work-in-progress

During my last visit home, looking around the garden, it struck me that it was 'work-in-progress'.  That was nothing different or surprising, but what hit me hard was the realisation that it always - ever since my childhood - has been so!!  An eternal 'work-in-progress'.  The whole of it; all the time!

All my time at Chertsey, I took care of the garden of the house. Looking back even that garden was a w-i-p!  No sooner that I left, Godwill took it up and John sent me some photos of the transformed garden - it was so beautiful. Perfect. No more w-i-p!!  

I think there is some strange tendency among us - should I say, Indians or particularly gardeners - to never ever achieve completion.  Looking further back, at our gardens and farms in Mangalore or in the Province, nowhere are they complete.  They are always 'under construction'.  All of it. Not just some part of it, but all of it, all the time!  

I think it is basically an art or style of functioning.  We always have work to do!! There is always something that needs to be done.  And it can never ever be completed!  

Vocation camp

 Being present for the first day of the vocation camp at Karunapuram, brought back memories of my own first vocation camp in Gunadala.  The travel from Hyderabad to Gunadala, I have no memory of, but certainly the return journey is vivid in my mind.  I travelled back with Fr Balaswamy and Fr Anand.  Charlie was the driver of the jeep!  

The excitement of settling in the dormitory, the first family get together... The excitement of the cricket match, wherein I took a hatrick of wickets, for which Fr Gnanam - then a brother and the umpire of the match - congratulating me).  The sharing of food in the dining hall, a totally new experience, because back at home all of us were used to being served by our mothers, so none of us at the table had any clue of proportion and distribution!  Washing the utensils was not in our dictionary at all, leave alone cleaning the table after meals.  

The one aspect that I liked most of this particular camp in Karunapuram was the fact that two-thirds of the participants were boys from our own settings - something very very rare all these years!  These boys knew 'Don Bosco', felt at home with Salesians.  That's something really really good.  It is an indicator that we Salesians are doing some good. Irrespective of their desire to join us or not,  the very fact that they choose to attend the vocation camp is encouraging!

Expectations, involvement and rights

 We recently concluded the Provincial Chapter of the Province.  Personally I'd invested myself in the questionnaires in the preparation of the same.  I was keen to do so.  However, I did not pin my hopes to the Chapter itself achieving much.  I purposely did not expect much to happen.  Doing so, has really helped me accept the fact as it is.  I get agitated if planned events and processes do not yield proportionate results. So for this time, I didn't raise my level of expectation. In fact, I didn't have any expectations at all.  

On the other hand, looking back at the whole process and event itself, I ask myself what is the most significant aspect that we learnt from the Chapter? What is it that we take forward from there?  Unfortunately there isn't anything worthwhile!  One chief reason is that collectively, we avoided and left out the most pertinent aspects and were happy to get involved and excited about the trivial!  We dissipated our time and energies on the peripherals, without letting ourselves be challenged by the core values or issues.  

And then, looking at myself... I should acknowledge I've no much right to complaint because I did not actually let myself get involved in the common effort - personal, very much - but not the collective part. I should have drawn our attention to those important aspects - although I did just a couple of times, but only when I felt really exasperated.  So I honestly cannot give myself the right to grumble either!  

Reading

At times there's so much of negativity around that I too feel cramped and agitated.  But from experience I also am well aware that it is not the negativity without that makes me feel so.  It is only that from within that can really affect me.  So I ask myself why is it that I feel so from within?  

One definite reason is my lack of reading.  Of late, my reading time and range has fallen - fallen abysmally!  That workload has increased is true. So has the diversity of works.  But that's only an excuse. The biggest challenge now is WHAT to read!  There's no dearth of reading material, but what is it that I need to pick up.  If I take up something related to my work, I'm still "working", not really relishing the work.  It is as if I'm forcing myself to get the job done, rather than see it as some good done.  

Nonetheless, need to start.  

To see me, but not me!

"To have seen me is to have seen the Father!"

Jesus is very confident of himself.  That to know him is actually to not know him, but the Father.  He knows that there is nothing in him that obstructs anyone looking at him from being able to see his Father.  He is so transparent that one interacting with him is actually interacting with the Father himself.  Nothing in him that limits the one interacting with him to see Jesus alone.  All of what he does and is, is a reflection of the Father.  

I wonder how many of us will be able to say that same of oneself.  In all honesty and sincerity.  "To have lived and worked with me is to have seen Jesus or God himself!" 

Decadence of religious life

 A certain sign of decadence in religious life is when one notices that religious are very excited and passionate about their personal needs, far more than the needs of others... worse is when the pain and need of the poor and even those whom we take care of, goes unnoticed, while what takes precedence is my own need and comfort.  

I know that taking care of oneself is a virtue.  But when that supersedes, the needs of others, especially those entrusted to my care, then one can be sure that one is living a life far off from the most basic elements of religious life. 

I remember past years when most of the confreres would fight and argue, all about expenses and finances, but for the mission - the poor children, boarders, scholarships for children, poor families in the parish, struggling youngsters in the ITI... They would be highly upset if they receive no support or understanding for their works.  But the latest trends are for the same finances and expenses, albeit the focus is not the youngster, but oneself!!  That's anything but religious life! 

Loosing the plot?

 Since the last couple of months, life has been hectic - more than usual and very much lopsided.  It has been a whole lot of wrangling with legal processes, around courts, police stations and related matters.  Not that I'm unwilling to take it head on or am sceptical about the results.  It is just that the time, energy and concentration these matters drain makes me feel unable to envision and pursue the bigger picture!  It is as if, I'm struggling to see the ultimate why of it all.  At the same time, I know it is relevant and important.  

Journey or the destination?

 There's often the debate whether the journey is more important than the destination; or the other way around.  I'm more prone to agree with the former.  Nonetheless, I think there's another dimension to this debate as well.  It is about relationship; or company during the whole process.  What makes the journey really pleasant and enriching, among the many other things, is the company we have all along.  The same can be said about reaching the destination. Achieving a milestone is relevant and thrilling when there is someone with whom I can share that experience.  That experience is going to differ depending on whether I have with me those dear to me or  some total strangers or none at all.  

Restarting...!

 It is after two years and two months that I'm getting back to writing a blogpost!  The last I posted anything on this blog was in January 2022. 

Much water has flown under the bridge!!!  Even for me to try to recollect, what has happened since then, takes me long.  Not that much has been achieved or great things happened, but certainly quite a few!  

Anyway, reviving this blog was something that was somehow cropping up in my thoughts and prayer during the season of Lent and all the more during the Holy Triduum.  So here I am putting my thoughts and resolutions (and prayers) to paper! 

For the last three months, I've been in and through so many legal procedures (courts, lawsuits, police complaints, reviews...) of different kinds, in different places and for different issues, that I've not been through in the whole of my life so far!  I never imagined myself reading through lawsuits and legal complaints, leave alone drafting and signing them myself!! But yes, that's an experience in itself.  

But what strikes me most is the fact that, even after us being such an extensive organisation with so many well-wishers us their expertise and help with these legal matters, we still are no better in most cases - literal cases!  What then is the state of those individuals who are really helpless when similar things (land grabbing, rental occupation and dues, unjust criminal cases, false accusations, blatant bullying, exorbitant bribes to close a simple ordinary open and shut case, being treated as a tennis ball between bureaucrats...) are dropped on their head? 

I dream of all the "illegal" methods used to bring to justice the crooked and corrupted... prefer the second half of Khosla ka ghosla!