Jesus: In or out?

We had our monthly recollection this evening. Sitting before the Lord, in the Chapel at the Holy Spirit centre, I had the wisdom to ask the Lord, why was it that I wasn't able to plan and envision something for the next three years of my term in office.  After all, it was I who was insistent with the Council to set our priorities for the next three years.  And I was quite critical of the whole procedure and outcome. 

Looking back at the last three years as Economer, I wouldn't grade myself as having achieved anything significant.  Because I didn't set out to achieve anything grand!  I had clearly told myself when I accepted this role, that I wasn't the first, nor the last.  But I certainly would continue to be who I always strove to be.  So in that sense, I'm certainly not disappointed in what I've said or done.  

But today, talking to Jesus one thing struck me very powerfully.  Perhaps that's also got something to do with the next three years as well.  All that I've attempted is to get our basics or fundamentals right.  Of course, in finance and administration.  But I've also realised that these are still (even though our Province is more than 30 years old; and quite a few of us much more than that) found lacking.  Our financial and administrative inadequacies are not managerial, but mostly because of lacking fundamental religious values right. Or at times, human values right. Ok, I understand religious values are radically lived out human and Christian values.  And that's the main issue. 

So we are stuck in a rut.  We make no progress, because we are only going in circles, and that too at the periphery itself.  Neither deeper, nor wider!  So having a wider or grander vision is a bit of a challenge when one's foundation itself needs to be set right.  

But what touched me most, this evening, is perhaps the fact that I haven't really asked where and what does Jesus have to do with all of this.  In all my thoughts, plans, efforts He has never been part of it.  Not that He is not involved... He certainly has been blessing all our efforts and plans so very graciously. It is just that I have kept Him out.  So the question that is haunting me this evening is: what's the relevance and meaning of my religious life? Without Him being made part of my life and work, what meaning is my religious life?  Is being honest, good and hard working enough?  But for that I don't have to be a religious.  

The worst I feel is when I ask myself: Is it that I've not involved Jesus now, or that I've barely ever got him in the picture earlier as well?