In the Gospel one reads Jesus warning his disciples to be single minded about following him. The one who puts his hand to the ploughshare does not look behind. At the same time he speaks of the need to be prepared.
I gather it is a question of balancing. And most importantly, clarifying motives. The purpose! We wash our clothes and iron them - not because we love our clothes, or that the clothes need to look neat and tidy. But because we wish to be seen as neat and tidy! To want the clothes to look spic and span is a good thing; but the primary purpose and goal is to look good ourselves!
It is the same with the whole question of discipleship. It is not about hating people, in order to love God. But loving God above every person. What is common and necessary is the aspect of love. And if we genuinely love God - or people - we tend to genuinely love everyone else as well.
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